So for some backstory, my husband (m28) and I (f28) have known each other since we were in 5th grade and had been best friends growing up. There were times that we had crushes on each other but never pursued it because we would be dating other people at the time. Fast forward to after high school years, he went away for college and I didn’t, I stayed home and did community college. In the summer of 2013 when he came back to visit we couldn’t deny our feelings for each other and started dating in September 2013. We are now married and have been going on for 3 years now. Another thing I have to mention, just in case it is relevant, is that I have been on birth control since around 2012 due to period problems that I have and can only be solved with the pill. I have tried to be off of it for a small amount of time and my period problems came back. Now around the past year or so, maybe longer, my sex drive just isn’t there and it has started to affect our relationship. Another thing to note is that my husband has only had sex just once before we started dating his last gf and I have had 4 other partners before him. This gets brought up a lot and it is starting to make me feel bad that he brings up that we don’t have enough sex and he hates that he has to entertain himself and every now and then he brings up he wishes he had more partners. I really love my husband and I don’t want him to think that I don’t want to have sex with him and when we do it’s amazing, but I just don’t get sexual urges like I used to. Idk if it is because of my birth control and maybe that has taken a toll on me. I have also put on a lot of weight and that doesn’t seem to bother him since he never brings it up. I am just at a loss on what to do. I don’t want him to cheat on me because I am not giving him enough sex. Before I forget, I also decided to go back to school while still working so idk if it could be that too that I am just too tired. Between my birth control, weight gain, and school idk if those things are just playing a factor in this or maybe he just settled down too soon. We don’t have kids just two fur babies and we have talked about wanting kids but just not now. As of now, there are times that I have thought about giving him a hall pass, but idk if that would be a good idea or not and what that would do to our marriage. Any advice helps.
4 comments
– No hall pass, that’s absurd.
– He needs to work out his regrets about having little experience before you out alone or with a friend/therapist. He needs to stop talking to you about it.
– He also needs to never bring up your sexual past again. He’s doing it out of hurt and insecurity and it’s hurting both of you and accomplishing nothing.
Those are obvious and immediate things.
But this is when you need to start figuring out what you want for yourself. Do you want to try to increase your libido? Do you understand how to get yourself into the mood even if you’re not feeling it spontaneously?
Giving him a hall pass is a terrible idea, a 3rd party in your relationship won’t solve problems that can only be solved by the 2 of you, and none of this has anything to do with prior partners.
It sounds to me like your husband finds you desirable, but you have some self confidence issues that are holding you back. I’ve been married 30+ years, and physically neither me nor my wife are the same as we were in our 20’s, but I still find her to be beautiful and sexy, and I tell her often because I want her to both know how I feel and to feel the same way about herself.
If you husband says you desirable, maybe you should believe him ! Have more moments of physical intimacy that don’t lead to sex, and when the time comes just be open to the moment. A few rounds of amazing sex is not a bad Rx.
A pass is a terrible idea. Issues can be worked on and fixed. Trust is almost impossible to recover.
Read „Come as you are“ together.