Me (28/m) and my older brother (35/m) grew up with a single mother from ages 10 and 16. Growing up we were relatively close, sometimes didn’t get on but nothing more than the usual sibling stuff.
At around 18 I began studying and building a career, he got married and had his first child. He wasn’t doing very well career wise and couldn’t hold a job — I on the other hand began doing well.
He continued for many years with not being able to hold a job down and I guess watched me become relatively successful.
With more children and not so much luck still, it looked like he was becoming depressed and also becoming envious of me.
As a young guy in my early 20s I probably was a bit arrogant but never towards him.
He began finding issues with everything I did, the way I spoke with him, the way I acted. Even if we had a discussion about a topic within my field of work, I would eventually give up and concede to him as I couldn’t be bothered to argue. This continued for many years.
5 years ago he got divorced and went on a downward spiral, so I tried to support him best I could, inviting him out when I went with my friends, taking him on trips abroad, even letting him use my personal belongings.
Fast forward to present day, he lives in my house, as I’m constantly away for work. He doesn’t pay any bills, sneaks women in and out without telling me. Will only ask me questions and never answer any that are asked to him, and has become someone I despise, he is a leech with no morals or dignity, taking any chance he can to screw me over.
My parents insist he’s not mentally well. But I think he has a fragile ego and is regretful about wasting his life away by being a bum. He treats other people well, especially women (until they disrespect him) and is continually screwing over his family.
I feel terrible for even thinking of him this way but the guy spends his time accusing EVERYONE of being a narcissist and holding a grudge if someone doesn’t do what he wants.
He’s threatened me a few times and recently I told him to try his luck, but if I beat him in a fight too he’ll have nothing left to hold over me, so he probably shouldn’t try. He backs down now.
In the past when we’ve argued, many times he’s called me the golden child and our parents favourite. But he was the one that always got the expensive presents, he got away with the most, I didn’t even have many childhood photos. On top, my parents would’ve never been as easy going about this behaviour if it was me doing it.
Not sure what to do with this waste of space anymore and it kills me inside to have a brother like this. I feel guilt even for holding negative feelings towards him but I don’t really know what else to do.
Is there a solution to a normal healthy distant relationship?
TL;DR
My older brother has a fragile ego made of glass, is leeching off me and causing me constant problems.
1 comment
I think the best thing you can do is maybe try and have a heart to heart with him. This can work and he may break down. He isn’t going to get better quick but maybe just offering some guidance and some type of career path may help. Sounds like he’s really lost and never had to grow up, may not know where to start. If you continue letting him live with you, set some strong boundaries. The reality is some
People are jsut like this, idk whose fault it is really, but it’s sad. Might be best for him to move in with your parents and you can still support him with advice or exercise or whatever. Like get him to go to the gym regularly could even help. You’ve been more than kind to him so far.