They’ve been together for 5 years and got married last year. They have a daughter born in April.
My best friend, or ex best friend and I go way back. Always been a decent guy, or so I thought.
Apparently they’ve had some issues lately and that became obvious to me when I got an unexpected phone call from her a couple of weeks ago when I was at work.
She was in tears and told me he’s punched her and that he’s run off.
I told her I’ll be there and managed to convince my boss to left me leave for an emergency.
I’ve never been so angry in my life as when I got there and saw that she had a huge bruise across her cheek. She told me this was the third time he’d hit her. I gave her a massive hug and told her she needs to report it.
She told me she couldn’t because it would put her and the baby at risk of retaliation and I reluctantly agreed. She kept trying to reassure me he wouldn’t hit her again and started blaming herself for it. She said she said some hurtful things to him like calling him useless which she was keen to stress. Apparently the argument started over him not washing the dishes which is a really stupid thing to end up beating your wife and the mother of your daughter over.
I was angry and said I could deal with him if she wants and she pleaded with me not to and I let it go because the last thing she needed was more drama.
She insisted that if she needs to stop winding him up and it will stop. I didn’t buy it but let her have her way.
Since then he’s asked me if I want to go to the footy (we’ve gone for years), and I’ve said no. I haven’t seen him since then and don’t want to go as I can’t bear to think of what he’s capable of.
They had another big fallout yesterday and I was on another phone call with her about it. Apparently he’d come back drunk from being out with this friends on in the early hours of morning saying he’s having an affair and laughing before falling asleep.
She told me she confronted him about what he said and he told her he was drunk and talking rubbish. He told her to leave him alone and left to stay at his friend’s for a bit.
I went around and she told me I was right and she should’ve listened but doesn’t know how to get away from him. I said she and the baby can stay with me bit and then she can break it to him that she’s going to seek a divorce from a safe place.
She started worrying about what everyone would think of her if she did that and if anyone would believe her.
I said it’s understandable and it’s her choice but said for the sake of her and importantly their daughter, she needs to do whatever she thinks will make them the most safe.
I told her I can’t say anymore than that and that I was going to leave and she grabbed me and told me not to go, so I stayed.
We ordered a pizza and she cheered up a little bit.
She told me she’s really grateful to have me and that I’m the only person who cares. We then kissed. It’s all my fault because I initiated it and took advantage of her in a vulnerable situation. I’m a POS for that and I accept I’m no angel.
We were then making out and before I knew it she was taking me up to the bedroom.
We had sex which I’m not proud of, but also not going to shed any tears for him. It’s technically a betrayal, but he’s caused it.
She wanted me to stay over because she doesn’t feel safe there without me anymore but I told her I had to go. The offer is still there for her to move in if she wants. It’s one thing if it was just her but it’s not a good environment for a daughter to be raised in.
Some might say I’ve become too involved in this and have ideas that I liked her anyway, which would be true. She’s always been a lovely person and I’ve always been fond of her. Which makes it all the worse that he’s making her life hell. She doesn’t deserve that.
I really want her to report it so people know what he’s capable of and she can escape, but until she’s in a safe place to do, I understand why she thinks she can’t.
It’s not a selfish thing, I would suggest anywhere else to go to other than mine if I could think of somewhere better.
Her dad died and her mum lives abroad now. She has a couple of good friends one lives in a tiny flat and the other lives in shared accommodation.
I’ve resisted the urge to go around there and give him a taste of his own medicine but unless she can be brave and make the decision to leave, which I don’t think she will do, nothing will change and he will continue without consequence.
What can I best now to support her and make her feel comfortable enough to leave him and let people know what’s been going on.
TLDR
I’ve cut off my friend after finding out he’s been beating his wife and the mother of his daughter.
We’ve grown very close and she’s cheated on him with me which isn’t ideal, but she can’t bring herself to move to mine.
She now admits their relationship isn’t likely to work but is afraid if she tries to leave he will retaliate.
For her and the baby’s sake, they need to get out of that environment. How do I move things along and help her put an end to the abuse?
3 comments
Difficult question. I would take care to visit her at least once a week, so your friend doesnt have an opportunity to abuse her during that time. Maybe its a plan to let her move in with you and then call 911 (idk what is usefull in your country) and report this guy
You took advantage of someone in a vulnerable state. That’s not just “not ideal” broski, that’s gross. She’s going to remember that she cheated for the rest of her life, and the guilt will weigh her down. Shame on you.
She needs to move out to somewhere OTHER than with you. She needs therapy and support, not someone who thinks with what’s in his pants.
Dude. What are you doing. I hope this is fiction.
If you want to help you need to get her in touch with actual professionals who have resources. You are literally going to f*ck this up.