Hello, I am a bit sad. My bf, a few days ago had sex with me despite the fact I said I didn’t feel like doing it. I said no multiple times but he said he didn’t know I was serious. I also had orgasm from this intercourse which makes him think that then it’s ok. Does it make it ok? But I didn’t want to have sex and now it feels weird and upset. Can someone give me advice on how to just let go about it and not overthink? Thank you. I don’t know how to talk about it with him.
Edit : just wanna say thank you to people that took the time to answer.
13 comments
no its never ok , thats breaking a boundary and he is abusive for doing so. you can achieve an orgasm but u didnt allow it and he heard that.
talk about setting boundaries and sticking to them or hes out.
Your boyfriend raped you. You repeatedly told him no, you did not consent, and he went ahead anyway. He raped you, he is a rapist. You are justified in being sad & upset, you should not let it go. (You orgasming is just a physical response to stimulation, it means nothing about your consent.) You can decide if he should face legal consequences for what he has done, but you should not be with him any longer. He disregarded your no’s, he incorrectly justified his actions because of your physical response, and he is disregarding your feelings afterwards.
That happened to me once with my ex, and that was the last time I saw him.
I know that horrible feeling when you are being clear and the other person chooses not to listen to you, I was desperate at the time. It didn’t help that he was tall and strong.
I also had an orgasm, but that was my body, not my mind, not me. So because of that, when I tried talking about it, he dismissed me even more, he didn’t leave me any choice, but to dump him.
My advice is to seek help among your loved ones, a line has been crossed and it’s really difficult to come back from that.
That’s sexal assault
Time to get rid of him.
OP this is restore no different than any man/ woman that has been annoyed by their partner into having sex. Having an orgasm doesn’t mean it’s what you wanted.
It is rape. Leave him. Stay safe.
I’m so sorry that this happened to you OP. Especially by someone who is supposed to love you. I have experienced sexual assault and have spent years in therapy as a result. I blamed myself for not doing more. When your body goes into survival mode, there’s Fight or Flight, but there’s also Freeze. For me, learning that Freeze was a survival response was pretty life changing. That’s what I did in my situation… thinking that by Freezing, it would stop or be over more quickly. So please please please don’t blame yourself for not fighting more or walking away. It sounds like Freezing was also your response, but that does not give him permission to do what he did. Not in the least. I agree with others who’ve said that his response is concerning, he’s gaslighting you, and you should dump his a$$ immediately.
He didn’t “have sex with you”.
He raped you.
It’s truly upsetting and I understand why you wouldn’t want to cause drama and overreact. One incident can be a misunderstanding, but if it happens again, that’s clearly a big fat NO to that relationship.
So many comments have told you it’s not okay, so I won’t repeat it over and over.
I think it would be beneficial for you to work on your self-confidence and know when you’re being mistreated. It is alarming that you don’t have the skills yet at this stage of life to identify when someone is mistreating you, even when it’s blatant like ignoring your protest multiple times, or even to know that as a person, you’re allowed to have boundaries. Perhaps therapy will help.
If you are not giving consent then its not okay we are conscious being… and if he don’t have control leave him
Rape