No women are ever interested in me (19M) and I honestly don’t know why. I have good platonic friendships with both guys and girls, so clearly my personality is pretty decent if people are willing to be friends with me, and I don’t think my looks are that bad (I’m probably a bit below average tbh, but definitely not something someone would see and be repulsed by). I get that I’m not entitled to get attraction from women but it does get disheartening and confusing when literally every single woman you’re interested in rejects you or subtly deflects your advances. I’ve asked my friends this question and they don’t give clear answers either — like my male friends say stuff like “you have a friendzone personality to women” and my female friends say stuff like “idk I just can’t picture you in a relationship”. Literally back in high school the mere concept of me ever being in a relationship was laughed at by my peers as a ridiculous idea and treated like a joke so I genuinely don’t get what’s wrong with me.
27 comments
If you’re not toxic, you’re less likely to find people out there lol. It seems that way. That’s on all sides
Nothing is wrong with you đ Maybe you’re a bit less “conventionally masculine” or “conventionally attractive” or whatever. But at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter! Dating is just trying to find love and failing over and over and over again until eventually, it just works đ Your eventually is taking a little longer than some of your friends but I promise that if you keep trying, it’ll work.
Just keep improving yourself and keep looking!
You ever ask someone out?
I mean, youâve probably only hit puberty like 2, 3 years ago so I wouldnât lose hope yet. Probably still just growing into yourself
The good news is you are still quite young and have time to improve yourself and maybe add some tools to your social toolbox.
Improve your flirting game. Learn how to tease lightheartedly. Modern women in Western culture are not turned on by nice guys unfortunately. It sounds like you may be a little too nice.
You will fail in some of your attempts at flirting, this is normal especially when you are learning what is effective. Also, expand your social circle when you can (this part will be easier if you have some discretionary spending money each month, which you may not at your age). Learn a new hobby, find a meetup group, do volunteer work, etc….
Practice flirting with women that will talk to you and socialize with you, but where you aren’t invested in the outcome. This is key! Emotional detachment from the outcome will help you if and when you fail, but it will also help you succeed. Women can sense desperation and it’s a turn off. You want to come across like you have your own life, your time is valuable, and any potential friends, acquaintances, etc…need to meet your standards.
Work on improving yourself, whether it’s taking steps to advance your career, working out, learning new things, all of which can keep you busy and improve your life. Along the way you will meet women. Keep at it and you’ll gain confidence as long as you learn from your mistakes and be honest with yourself. You are the only person you can control, so focus on that. Some people will just not be attracted to you, and that’s ok. Others will find you attractive, especially if you get them into that mode of thinking about you (hence flirting).
Youâre 19. Iâve known virgins and girlfriendless guys in their late 30s
Befriend a girl. Start talking to women at your workplace without flirting or gawking at them. Come off as genuine. Learn what girls like to talk about
r/ForeverAlone
I was in your exact shoes, so I can give you advice.
I was 18 around covid. Kissless virgin, rejected every which way by women. The *only* way to have more success with women is to be more attractive, and as a man, you can make yourself more attractive.
1. Style. Half of your looks is going to be how you dress. Look up Tim Dessaint, he has great guides on mens fashion. Hit up tiktok and pinterest (Cringe, I know) for good outfits. Nothing too expensive, make the thrift store your best friend. AND HAIR. for the love of god, get a nice hairstyle that suits your face shape.
2. Gym. People tend to overestimate how much girls care about your muscles, but its still important. Hit the gym, eat well, get a lean physyque (dont be too skinny, pretty much). If a girl rejects you, hitting the gym is a perfect form of therapy haha.
3. Success. Be Busy. More important than girls, have a plan for your life. Go to college, get good internships, be involved. Pretty much, just don’t be a bum. A guy that is driven is attractive.
4. Not being clingy. Youve never had a girl be into you, so I’m guessing that when you talk to a girl you like, you care wayy too much about when she responds. She can sense that – its clingy and unnattractive. keep yourself busy, and just know that if a girl is into you, she will be easy to talk to and text. Stop caring so much about what she thinks of you.
Friendzone isn’t real – if she isn’t interested, move on and don’t be her friend unless you guys were already good friends (and don’t ask her out if you guys have been friends for a while – she will say no.)
Don’t straight-up ask her out – thats too much pressure. Girls your age don’t know what they want, and their gut reaction will be to reject you. Just ask her if she wants to hang out 1:1, and from there try to get a feeling of how she feels about you. Flirt a little, see how she reacts. THEN you can make your intentions clear if need be.
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This is what I did to go from kissless virgin to being relatively successfull with women. Lastly, don’t get caught up on serious dating when you’re so young. Girls (and guys) your age are immature and are going to shatter your heart into a million pieces. Focus on yourself, max out your attractiveness, and learn to talk to women.
I didnât start really getting attention from women until about age 19. Youâre starting to hit maturity, which affects your looks, behavior, sexuality, etc.
Give it time, youâre still a kid.
Also, lay off the porn use if you use it. Most men are into it these days, especially on Reddit. I used it in the past too, so no judgment. It gives you a fix that your mind doesnât have to figure out how to search for and you come off less âsexyâ to the ladies.
Best of luck
Fake it to you make it. Probably a confidence perception.
Maybe you need to build more confidence? Do things thatâll up your confidenceâchoose a fashion style youâre comfy with? Maybe go to the gym, learn a new sport? Just to get yourself put there socializing more and feeling good about yourself. When u feel youâre confident enough, try asking someone out đ
Buddy, you’re 19. I hope no Adult Woman is interested in you. That would ve borderline predatory.
You should focus on gaining muscles and cutting body fat. Make sure not to get extremely big (Very hard) and just have an athletic build. Make some genuine female friends and good male friends who you can look upto. Learn social skills, be charismatic. All these can be learned or gained.
“Friendzone personality” that’s saying that you try to hard. maybe you alo set to high of standards in what you’re looking for. Most women don’t want doormats, and the ies who do are definitely just looking to use you for everything they can take.
Women aren’t interested in you simply because you look average and are probably broke.
Get your ass in the gym, make progress there and get a job. They will come to you.
From now on if you’re sexually attracted to a woman and she doesn’t want sexually or romantic relations with you then don’t be a platonic friend either. It’s a waste of time.
You’re 19, it’s very normal for us men to be completely invisible until about the age of 25, then maybe depending on your growth people might start to take notice. Women have inherent worth when they are young, men do not.
Go the gym and lift 4 times a week, review your style. Hang out with guy friends that easily pick up girls at bars and parties, watch and learn how they do and absorb their mindset.
If you want the real reason as to why or want to find out why? I suggest you ask a female friend of yours to tell you but tell them to be and come from 5$3 absolute truth for if they are your real friend and genuine they will be straight up with you. I say this because judging from what you posted, your choice of words, grammar. Comment style all tells me that all of these allegations are your perspective, your POV.
How do you know you have Good platonic friendships? Have you been told that or is that what you think? .. see the difference? If all you other judgement calls on yourself are comments from others then I think you would of mentioned in the first place.. true?
Have you actually asked out girls? I know a lot of men think they canât attract anything but some girls are actually interested just want the man to approach!
You’re only 19yo. Now is not your window. Give it another five or ten years.
what do you look like? cause i dont care what people say if your below average that is your problem.
Don’t worry about it. It’s not your fault. It’s just your genes.
Improve your confidence and how you talk to women. You need money to build up your status. You not getting a woman broke unless you have game.
I feel you, man. Im double your age, and ive had a fee relationships, but even then, I would definitely say that throughout my life, theres been an overwhelming feeling that women just aren’t interested in me at all. All of my relationships have been with girls ive met on dating apps, because I’ve never felt like any women in real life were interested in me. I’ve had tons and tons of women friends, co-workers, acquaintances, etc., but no one ever seen me in that light.
You’re 19. Build yourself in your career or business. Men are and will always be judged on how well we can provide. Better yourself physically mentally financially and in 10 years you will be on fire my guy
If it makes you feel better things get a tiny bit easier since after 25 you can date women in thirties as well as twenties.
You are 19. You have a lot of growing up to do. Did you finish high school? Did you start college? Are you still playing PlayStation and Call of Duty? Do you have a career? Are you able to take a woman out to a nice dinner and than a play or ballet or a weekend trip?
I took my girlfriends out for expensive dinners, drinks, weekend trips to my cabin, I took my long term girlfriend to a trip to Tuscany and then to Venice. I paid for all of these things. I bought a $2,000 dress for my girlfriend to attend my brothers wedding with me.