I’m 24 years old gamer guy and my girlfriend is 25. It seems like she gets really annoyed/aggravated/mad etc when I play my games for a long Period of time.
First let me give you guys some information about our schedule before anything. We live together. I’m full time employee and so is she, I currently work from 2:30pm till 2:30am (Monday – Friday) and my girlfriend works (9am-6pm)(she gets 2 days of during the week which are Wednesday and Sunday). I don’t play any games during the week because of it. The only days I tend to play a lot is Friday night when I get home and Saturday (during the day) because she’s at work. SUNDAYS are specifically dedicated to her (no games) because it’s the only day of the week we have off and I have no problem not playing that day. I also give her little bits of my time during the week whenever I can after work and when she’s off on Wednesdays.
I do the best I can to give her love and attention even while playing. I love her down to earth but I’m at the point where she getting mad at me for playing games is really getting under my nerves. She makes me feel like I don’t give her enough time with the things she says to me. Mind you, I don’t even have a lot of free time for myself. I mostly play games with my brother which I don’t get to see often. Playing videogames is the only thing I do on my free time.
I just don’t know what to do to make her understand is okay for me to have my time with my bro some time during the week. Even if we spend the night playing (Friday to Saturday). She says “she feels like the games are more important to me than her” when obviously that’s not true and I do make sure to do my job and give her the attention she wants and needs… but it’s never enough 🙁
What should I do/say to her?
Ex.(Yesterday, after playing all night I decided to wake her up with hot Dominican chocolate that I made and a grilled cheese so she can get ready to go to work and the first thing she said was “are you serious right now?”- and turns around mad (referring to me not going to sleep with her that 1 night) 🙁
TLDR: girlfriend can’t stand me play games while she’s around and I don’t know what to do
28 comments
Boundaries and frame.
Have you explain to her your needs, and are you capable of walking away tomorrow if she refuses to accept your needs?
Unless you are in a relationship for sex, do not allow your partner to disrespect you (regardless of sex).
If there is no respect in the relationship, you are either going to be cheated on one day or she’ll leave you because you are not a worthy partner.
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There’s two things that come up:
* Boundaries are not being respected.
* The limited time you have together is constrained.
On the one hand, if she knew you were a gamer guy before you started living together, she shouldn’t be upset that you’re still a gamer guy right now. There are ways she can communicate with you about whatever is on her mind, but it shouldn’t be overtly negative. Furthermore, you do have a right to have alone time when you need it.
On the other hand, the two of you need to find a balance of personal time and together time. You do need to spend time with each other in order to keep the relationship healthy. Both of you have time where you do not see one other and that time should be spent however you please. However, if she only really has time once a week to interact with you, that’s going to cause issues in the relationship. It feels like she is wanting to utilize the time you have together to be together because that time is limited, while you want to spend part of that time doing something else. From her perspective, the games are hurting the ability to let the relationship grow.
You both need to have a conversation about how you can best utilize the time that you’re able to enjoy together. You both have a time management problem and it’s best to phrase it that way rather than how it feels when you’re not together. Divide the time as best you can and see how it goes. Alternatively try to see if you both can request schedule changes because I promise you the lack of time together is going to be an issue no matter what.
Everybody needs alone time and for every person that time varies. She should not take this personally. Have you played any games with her?
I read recently that the optimal time a couple should spend together is 70/30. Maybe this can help you figure out a “fair amt to dedicate to your own things such as gaming?”
Relationships don’t just “happen” you have actively spend time together and invest time and energy into each-other.
How many hours do you play at a time?
Objectively it doesn’t sound like you sacrifice time with her to play games. Have you asked what schedule she would be happy with? Like is there a compromise to be made? I think another aspect of spending time together is quality. My husband and I have had this convo where he considers time spent in the couch watching tv and playing on our phones to be time spent together. Whereas I don’t. Time together means quality time where our attention is on eachother. Does this seem like it could be part of the issue? Some people just don’t like video games and think they are a waste of time. If that’s her opinion and she isn’t willing to accept any amount of you playing video games or becomes resentful you need to reevaluate the relationship.
I feel like gamers need to date fellow gamers or people who also enjoy their “me” time. When you get married and move in together your gf will never let you game because she’ll get mad. You’ll either have to give up your hobby or gf. Hopefully she’s willing to compromise.
So what does she do socially? How often is she hanging out with friends? What are her hobbies?
Why not invite her to play with you? Or ask her to stay in the room and talk to you or do her own thing while you’re on the game?
Gamers need to be in relationships with other gamers and not have kids. Everybody wins, including the kids.
I’m very much a gamer myself and will only accept partners that are gamers too for reasons like this. Being a woman makes things easier though since more men play video games than women overall.
Feel bad for you. I’m currently playing league of legends with my boyfriend.
Does she actually make you happy? It sounds like she’s impatient and hard to please.
She got too much time on her hands if she’s pestering you about your free time. Tell her to find her own hobbies and get busier
Me and my husband and I are huge gamers and into computers.
Have you guys considered you aren’t compatible?
What kind of job has hours from 2:30 to 2:30?
It sounds like she is feeling insecure in the relationship if she is demanding that much time with you / saying that games are more important. The fact that you tried to include her is a green flag, but what she said when you made her food is a red flag. She sounds unhappy. And unfortunately, you guys don’t sound compatible. If it’s an issue now that can’t be resolved, it may never be resolved.
You need to talk to her when neither of you is sleepy or grumpy, but it sounds to me as if you’ve already done most reasonable accommodations – you prioritise your work, you don’t game on Sundays – you simply have a hobby.
Ask her how she would feel if you blocked out the same amount of time for a different hobby. Still a problem? Does she want more dates, or always go to bed together, or…? Do you rage while gaming?
You’re not just playing a game, you’re playing with your brother, so you might shift your times a bit, but please, don’t give it up.
Your girlfriend needs a new hobby other than being mad at you for having a hobby of your own.
Maybe don’t play until 1am? My husband is a gamer and I play with him too, but before I started playing with him (I didn’t have my own system) he was very bad at making time for anything else. We’d have plans and he’d suddenly forget them because of video games. He’d play until 3am and wake up at 12pm which wasted most of our day. And it made me feel like he has no other goals in life.
Do you do household chores?
> I do the best I can to give her love and attention even while playing.
Come on man. Don’t lie to yourself like this.
>Playing videogames is the only thing I do on my free time
Bad sign.
Look man, it sounds like she’s right. If you’re playing games literally all night instead of going to bed with your girlfriend, it’s clear where your priorities are.
Edit: hilarious but not unexpected that everyone here took OP’s side without either reading the actual post or even asking how long he spends on games.
Sorry, are you saying she works 5 21 hour shifts a week? (9am-6am with Wednesday and Sunday off) if so, fixing the fact that she works 105/168 hours in the week would probably fix the problem since any portion of the 32 hours a week she has where she’s not working or sleeping probably feels like a lot.
Why do women hate video games? It seems like they would prefer their partners out drinking or doing literally anything else
this sounds exhausting…. how long have u guys been together? you’re both responsible adults. If u want to play video games, you should be able to, this is coming from personal experience. is this what you want for the rest of your life? she’s sounds very demanding.
Sounds like your girlfriend is boring and has zero hobbies.
So by my calculations you get at least 14 hours’ worth of gaming time on Fridays and Saturdays when she’s at work. How is that not enough?