Me (m34) with my gf (45), we’ve just finished spending two weeks together after 10 months of dating. It’s been the longest time we’ve spent together, both of use work from home so it was basically 24/7 together. Normally we talk about stuff if we have a conflict, especially more serious than this stuff but we’re having little hang ups now.
Problem #1 First one was regarding me cutting her lawn. She hates cutting the grass and I do a load of stuff for her all the time. She always made the joke at the start she wanted to meet a guy to only cut her grass. So I’ve been doing this ever since we’ve been dating. Couple times I was a little annoyed because she seems to wait for me to cut her grass. When I do cut her grass, I ask her to pick up her dog’s poop which i don’t think is unrealistic. One of the first times I’ve cut her grass, I asked her how it looked and she brushed it off. I did bring this up, she did acknowledge it and apologized. But then in the last week we were talking and I said I felt sometimes obligated to cut her grass. She was upset and said now she doesn’t want me cutting her grass. Talked it out, never really came to an understanding. She also has 4 kids (I have none), all of them are plenty old enough to cut the grass. I also built a lawnmower for her with the help of one of her kids because her old one wasn’t good. Didn’t cost her a thing because I got a bunch of mowers from a friend for free. So I was going to cut her grass today and she wouldn’t let me, said she wants me to know she can do stuff herself. I’ve never questioned her about that, in fact I always praise her for being who she is.
Problem #2 We came back from a trip, picked up her kids on the way home and we stopped for ice cream. I offered to pay for ice cream for everyone, I barely ever pay for anything for her kids anyway. She asked if I was okay because it was going to be expensive. She ended up getting hot fudge on hers. I asked if I could try the fudge and she wouldn’t let me, literally just wanted a little sample on the spoon. Normally we’re fine with sharing stuff, she admitted to me she never liked sharing until she met me. I asked a few times and she was super stubborn about it, said I could have had fudge on mine which I didn’t know or even think of. It’s been like 15yrs since I was at this particular ice cream place. So I was a bit disappointed how she approached it. We talked about it later and she admitted to thinking it would most likely bothered me leaving me feeling worse. Then said she wanted to exercise her right to say no and I was being petty. I replied saying not sharing for a silly reason like that was petty. She also said I knew I could have gotten fudge on mine which was wrong and I did say that. I’m not disappointed about having the fudge, it’s how she approached the situation. I said to her we always share food, especially when we want to mix dished at a restaurant and her reply was “it’s discussed prior to making an order”.
TL;DR!
\-longest time we’ve ever spent together 24/7 for 2 weeks
\-she doesn’t seem to cut her grass unless I do
\-she had 4 kids which can do it
\-I said I feel obligated cutting the lawn, that made her upset and now she won’t let me cut the grass
\-went for ice cream with her 4 kids and I paid for everyone
\-she wouldn’t let me sample her hot fudge
\-I was disappointed, she claimed I knew I could get it on mine, she said she was exercising her right to say no
\-I’m not upset about the fudge, instead I’m upset how she went about the whole situation and stated I was being petty
\-normally we share stuff without any issues ever
1 comment
It seems pretty clear that you two need to figure out how you fit into each other’s lives- dating at your age and after having kids and lives of your own, it can be tricky to navigate things like sharing, who does household chores, who pays for things, who can discipline the kids, who’s responsibility is what etc. It’s going to take a lot of communication about merging.