I’m almost 22 and never had much social life. I regret that (Edit: yes, I’m an introvert). Also I have terrible social skills. My biggest problem is joking. I see my friends joking around and being engaged in conversation, but me… I don’t know any jokes or almost anything about topics they’re usually talking about like fashion, makeup etc. (we found each other based on a common interest but even that includes topics like fashion). I’m a girl that never had any interest in that, most probably because of my poor social experience lol. If I was more social I would be a whole different person,I’d more regularly go out, wear makeup, be better in fashion, have more jokes. I think need to find my own way about it. I don’t say that I should be more extroverted. I know that I’m born this way (introvert’s and extrovert’s brains function differently) but what I’m saying is I want to have just a bit more social life. Idk if I was taught to believe in this but I feel really dumb being quiet, on the side, not knowing how to joke, not having a good social life. You know… anxiety because I don’t know how to participate in… hanging out (lol idk the word) . I try to listen to a conversation and I’m not that bad in participating in it (unless I know nothing about it, as I previously mentioned), but what I exactly mean is joking and all that other stuff. I think I should find my own way about that. Also I don’t really like the inappropriate jokes (for religious reasons), but to the society it’s almost all about inappropriate jokes, which is okay it’s not like I’m gonna say anything against it but I don’t like it myself. I laugh at those jokes but I’d never say one myself.
My question is: how do you have fun with friends in a conversation, or hanging out overall? Is it by joking or anything else? Also what are some tips for looking/being more engaged in hanging out? for example last time I was with my friends, we were having an aesthetic themed picnic and I was taking video clips for my TikTok while on the other side they were having fun doing something idk. I took a lot of time recording those video clips because all things were looking so pretty . I should’ve stopped every now and then and see what are they doing… or? And later I was petty uninterested in almost anything but what I was doing then, probably bc I was sleepy but I wish I engaged more in a conversation and stuff like that.
Also any tips for better social life at college (faculty, university, however ere you call it)?
Edit: My mum was constantly telling me I have to be more talkative. When I say constantly I mean CONSTANTLY. Every single little chance she had to talk about it, she did. She was telling me that I’m too quiet whenever she had a chance, after guests left (or we were guests), in a conversation with someone “she’s a bit quiet… she has to be more talkative (not so harsh obv because she was talking to other people)” literally EVERY SINGLE CHANCE she had to tell that I was too quiet, she used it. She actually ttraumatized me a lot about it, she was even verbally vïolent. She stopped and even apologized when she learned what an introvert is. She said she did it bc she heard a woman talking about me like “she’s so dumb, all she does is just sit quietly”.
So I think it is inherited into my mind. I need to unlearn that ttrauma. How do I do that?
1 comment
It’s fine to be less social, in case socializing drains you. I’m usually jokey (with words), but I’m not much into any fun ‘activity’ like playing anywhere, like picnic/resort/beach etc. Playing induces anxiety in me.
For joking, you can try lame jokes 🙂 (for a starter, people like it inside, though they react with irk outside 🙂 ) or talk about funny memes, tiktok’s on the internet/social media.
Again, it’s OKAY to be serious, whatever others say. It’s just your nature and people should learn to accept it. I’ve had only small, infrequent socializations like tech events, dine out and movies (rare) during my univ. I’ve never gone to a single outing with univ friends. So, stay solo often and recharge yourselves.