I’m a man. I consider myself bisexual – I find people of all varieties attractive… I think? But typically, this feeling is very abstract, or very removed. When I find someone physically attractive, I don’t really think about sex with them in any graphic detail. It’s still an exciting feeling, and I have still pursued (and even had very mediocre sex with) multiple people over the years.
But recently I’ve met someone who seems to have switched on this long-dormant thing within me. And it is horrible! It’s humiliating! But it’s also so intriguing and kind of fun. It feels a bit like being an alien experiencing human sexuality for the first time. I’ve always been romantically obsessive, but I am finding myself having thoughts I’ve never really experienced before. And they’re all incredibly juvenile and cringeworthy.
This is going to sound insane, but the other day I was looking at him, and I suddenly had the “realisation” that oh… he has a dick. I want to see it. I wonder what it looks like? I want to touch it. He was wearing a rather revealing top yesterday, and when he put a sweater back on over the top of it, I suddenly felt *desperate* to ask him to keep it off. Just so that I could look at him some more. My weird little brain started scheming up ways to get him to take the sweater off.
It was really goddamn embarrassing to be having thoughts like that. He is not, as far as I’m aware, an “option”. At least not for now. And it feels so disrespectful to see him like that, because I like him as a person, too. I want to be around him. But I also want a lot more than that.
Is this… how everyone else feels, when they’re into someone? I’ve kind of always thought I was “above” that sort of horniness, but now I’m thinking I just hadn’t met the right person. And maybe that’s why I’ve never enjoyed sex before. Because it feels to me, right now, that literally anything sexual involving him would be insanely pleasurable and sexy. Even things I typically have no interest in – or even repulsion towards.
I suppose I’d just like to hear if anyone has experienced anything similar! I feel like a recently pubescent teenager and it’s really unsettling!
4 comments
The boring answer to all of your questions is that some people have their sexual awakening early. Sometimes so early that it’s almost unhealthy. It’s usually a natural part of puberty. But despite that, most have their first time when they are – on average – about 19 or so.
On average.
Which means that a lot of people – obviously – have their sexual awakening later than that.
And that’s you. You had yours later. And that’s that.
Yeah. This is kind of how many people feel when they are juuuust beginning to have all these feelings, and yet to learn how to handle them.
Enjoy the sensations and the happiness and the adventure.
And…remember that being a bit older means that you are better equipped to *handle* feeling like a pubescent teenager. Knowing better when it’s a good idea or not, perhaps.
Have fun, it’s the best way to handle it.
I think it’s common to have this kind of experience when you’ve lived a bit and know yourself better. A lot of people only get really in touch with their sexuality well into adulthood. Actually, in my experience that’s more common than not. I was older than you when I really hit my stride with this stuff hahaha.
Being into someone – it’s not necessarily *always* like this, but it’s so much fun when it is. Those fizzy feelings of crush and attraction are so exciting. Enjoy them!
(Also, are you sure that this guy isn’t an option? You miss the shots you don’t take and all that…)
I was hit by sexual attraction for the first time in my early 20s and it was like being brainwashed. It was brutal, and basically like you described it. It explained a lot about the people around me!!!
With time I figured out that I am demisexual. I switch from long periods of no interest in sex whatsoever to being extremely eager to fall in bed with my crush. It hits like a brick every time!
I’m in my early 20s and I’ve started experimenting more intense sexual attraction since kind of recently. The “I want to fuck you but not make you uncomfortable and you know, respect you as a person” thing cracked me 😂😂