We’ve been dating for several months and live an hour apart. He is divorced, for about 3 years now. Things between us are good but some things that have happened have me wondering.
His ex wife (40F) has severe depression, and from what he said it was a bad pairing. They were married for about 10 years. They fought often, she’d kick him out often, dead bedroom, etc. IMO it sounded toxic AF. They decided to try to be friends post divorce. The divorce was amicable, there were no children and no property to divide.
At a point she declared she didn’t want to be in contact with him for 30 days. Eventually she got back into contact with him. She blamed it on her mental state, and they continued the friendship.
A few months ago while we were dating, she did it again. Gave him a 30 day span where she didn’t want contact. His grandma was dying at the time and he didn’t take her ask very well, due to the general circumstances. He did respect her wishes. He did not take his grandma dying well at all.
A few weeks after his grandma died, his ex wife texted him to stop by in the evening while I was visiting him. I cut my visit short so he could go. While driving back I got a distraught call from him, she was home but refused to open the door. He was upset and mad at her. A week or so later she shows up at his job, and he read her the riot act. She apologized. Since then they text occasionally but nothing more that I know of.
Tonight he was texting me and I answered back. Then nothing. He didn’t respond for over an hour which is unusual. When I called after I got home, he had been at her house watching TV with her. I don’t feel good about this.
He has tentatively talked about moving to my area as he thinks ‘I’m the one’…but I’m not so sure. I think he’s got a ex he can’t and doesn’t want to shake. He brought up me meeting her but after everything that happened a few months ago, I really don’t want to.
I’m open to opinions as to how to navigate this.
TL;DR BF has a questionable relationship with ex wife, and wants me to meet her. I’m not sure he’s not hung up on her.
2 comments
>he thinks ‘I’m the one’
You won’t be “the one” until he cuts her out of his life. You’re “the one” when he can easily ignore her attempts at contact because he’s more interested in talking, texting, or spending time with you.
Personally, I’d say let him go until he can figure out a way to move on from his ex. As long as she is in his life, nobody else will be a priority as much as she is.
Why would you allow yourself to be enmeshed into this toxicity? Tell her it’s her or you, moving to your area included.