i have been talking to this guy for a few weeks. he 13M, and i am 13F. yes, we are young and i am aware. he is really sweet, funny, and understanding. he always wants to facetime me. he also goes through the trouble of talking to me whenever i can because i am currently grounded. on the first day of school (a few days) he wants to match shoes and outfit. he also wants to go on a movie date or something like that. he’s pretty considerate and decent. i like him, but, there are lots of things i am constantly worrying about.
-he talks to so. many. girls. he’s a total ladies man. he says they are all just his friends but this still bothers me a lot.
-he still talks to this girl who i will call addy, 13F, who is creepily, crazily and disgustingly fking obsessed with him. he will not remove her from his life whenver she comes back because he says its “funny”. he also repeatedly calls me addy on ft instead of my name. (my name also starts with an a, but still???)
-in the last relationship he had, they fked. (she is also 13F) we are fairly young, so this is major ick for me. apparently, at his school, it’s a big drama ridden thing, and somehow his ex/that situation always comes creeping back into our conversations on his behalf.
-he gets mad at me for the stupidest things. he always gets mad when i get jealous but then i can’t be mad when he gets jealous.
-he has a big attitude. and it’s not a very positive one either.
-he’s not really someone who you can vent to or write paragraphs too, because you ain’t getting s**t back.
i really like this boy, but he’s such a handful. at the same time i get why he is like this, because his mom is extremely rude to him and mentally abuses him and favorites his little brother. he is also hated by a lot of the school and people do not like him very much. the other night he was crying on ft after i told him some girl added me telling him she said he was a b***h and unloyal and a cheater, etc. i rlly want to make this work between me and him. how do i communicate with him better? what should i do?
TL;DR: my talking stage is a complete attitude machine that talks to way to many girls. is he a red flag??
2 comments
Is he a red flag? Yeah. Sounds like it.
You wrote ~4 sentences that you find are positive things about him (or rather, why you like him), and then a paragraph and a half that are negative.
– he’s a handful
– he brings up his ex
– gets jealous but doesn’t like it when you are
– a negative big attitude
– calls you by a different girls name (huh? have you asked him to stop?)
– something he’s done is a major ick for you (do you feel he expects do want to do it with you?)
I wonder if the list is even longer than this in reality.
Let him know that him calling you by the wrong name hurts, and see how he responds. I think that may be quite telling whether he’s actually listening to you and respectful of your feelings.
If he responds with something like “It’s just a joke”, “Not that big of a deal”, etc. it would indicate he doesn’t understand the impact his words or actions have. Or doesn’t care.
You like him and he might like you, but is he good for you? Not just good *to* you. Relationships should be like an equation, but where the sum is larger than the parts combined together (if that makes sense). Do you think you’d be happier with him in the end, or would the negative sides about him exhaust you?
Your feelings may take over and you want to give it a try with him anyway and that’s okay! Just be careful 🙂
Just some things to think about.
Well, you sound very mature for your age. He is a 13 year old kid, so I am not surprised that he has a lot of “girl friends” and values female support, considering his mom is abusive.
It’s not wrong of you to want him to cut “Addy” out of his life, if he were to be your boyfriend- you should also ask why he keeps calling you her name- is it a thought association thing and he slips up? Regardless, yeah, it’s an issue.
TBH, if he keeps interacting with you and making you his “go to” girl, and you are into him.. chances are, the relationship will develop anyway. I would just try to communicate, not through text, the boundaries you have and the red flags you’ve come across. Don’t expect maturity from him, though, he’s only 13.
Anyways, guys don’t like naggy girls especially in the “talking” phase, so it’s best you probably just chill and take the relationship for what it is and go with the flow.