Hello everyone,
I am a 16 year old male, and I want advice on what I should do and think about my parents. I also know that the word ”hate” is incredibly strong, but I will explain my reasons since both have different ones.
First off we have my father (57M), who I have been quite distant with for a couple of years now. I see him once in a while, but it has gone from seeing him every other weekend to barely once or twice a month for a couple of hours. For these past few years he has repeatedly let me down, and it has happened so many times. We have almost never done anything fun together when I have stayed at his place, and he has never proposed that we do something together. But this is nothing compared to why I really hate him. For so many years now, he has basically forgotten about me. He has forgotten about my birthday so many times, and he has attended my end of year ceremonies at school maybe twice. My academic achievements is something I pride myself in, and it has hurt so much to not see my father there. Not to mention the birthdays. I never wish for anything on my birthday from anyone, but all I want is at least that they send a message and acknowledge me. I have never asked for anything from anyone, but I still feel so sad.
This year though, he remembered, and at first I was happy. Until he told me what he got me. What was it you ask? Some form of papyrus looking red fabric with a sign of I think Chinese on it. Well, he didn’t fail to mention where he had obtained it either, which was what upset me. He said that he had found it in a fabric dumpster at work, a literal dumpster. Never mind the reason for giving it either, apparently he gave it to me so that my girlfriend could tell me what it said, simply because she is Asian, and that means that she knows what it says according to him. I know I sound spoiled for complaining about a gift, but I think he could at least have put in more effort than giving me something his company considered trash, and he just found in a dumpster. To me, he could as well have forgotten about it, like all the other years when I didn’t expect anything from him.
Then there are other things such as him never being able to do anything for me for free. I have got to go somewhere? Okay, but I have to pay him for an entire tank of petrol, like, him filling it to the max. This and his complete inability to ever spend any form of money on me has led me to never ask him for anything, and becoming more distant. He also insists on me paying for a bus ticket to go see him, and him never picking me up to see me.
To be honest, I find it hard to call him dad, and even harder to say “I love you”. By this point, my girlfriend’s father is more of a dad to me.
Then, we have my mother (49F). I am more conflicted with her, as she is the one that raised me, and the one I live with. She has always tried to show me love, and I do love her, but I hate her so much at the same time.
When I was 3, my brother was born, and he died less than a year later. This left my parents in a deep depression, and I don’t blame them. But it lead to me barely having a childhood for years, and their divorce that followed soon after made it worse. I can honestly not remember a single fun thing up until I was maybe 12. My parents divorced because they argued too much, at least, that is what I was told. I believe that this was a contributor too, but the reason that they divorced was because my mother cheated on my father. And to make it so much worse, she cheated on him with his brother, his fucking brother.
My father was understandably enraged, and he didn’t hesitate at all in poisoning my image of her, he started doing this when I was about 7. But I know that she cheated, why? Because I saw them, I walked in on them sleeping together in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep, I saw it with my own 6 year old eyes. To be clear, they weren’t passionately hugging (hi rSlash), but they were sleeping close together. After that, my father’s brother defended himself by saying that the couch wasn’t comfortable enough, even though the couch is made to be slept on. He also treated me poorly in other ways. He was also married, just like my mother.
My father also had a tendency to text my mother very angry things, and they would frequently fight over who I would be with during weeks and such. I stumbled upon a folder of screenshots on an old computer, so I know this to be true.
Furthermore, my mother used to have quite a temper, and would usually yell at me for the smallest of things and make me miserable. It is however, understandable due to her depression of losing my brother.
I don’t have any family either, although the family on my father’s side is huge, they are just as good as him at caring about me. I haven’t spoken to my half brother or sister in such a long time. My mother has/had toxic parents herself who treated her quite badly since she is adopted. Sometimes I just think I am the problem, that I am the one who has caused this. Right now, my girlfriend is who I trust, the one I truly love. The only person in existence I can say that I truly love.
I don’t know what to do or feel, I love then both in some way, but I still hate them both so much. Please, I need advice, I have no one to talk to besides my girlfriend, but I don’t want to ruin her image of my mother who is so kind now that she feels better. But still, I don’t know what family is anymore, what love truly is. No one knows that I think that I have a deep depression from years of this and getting bullied in school as far as I can remember. I was about to end it all a couple of months ago, but my girlfriend saved me, assured me that I am loved. I am forever grateful for meeting her and all she has done for me.
TLDR;
My parents have made me hate them. Where my father doesn’t care about me, and my mother cheated on him with his brother.
Now, I don’t know what I should do or think. Am I the problem? Am I being an asshole and asking for too much? Please help me and give me advice.
Thank you for reading this long post. I don’t expect anyone to see this, but thank you nonetheless.
I will answer any questions or requests for more information as best I can.
Thank you yet again