When I was 9, I walked home from school and entered my room and something blue and white and translucent hanging on the window near my bed. It looked like a glass ornament. My mom called from a different room saying that it is an agate. I said that it is not an agate because it is a piece of glass, but I do not know if she heard me. I then yelled “I hate it! twice, tho I do not know why. She then said “You do not like it?” and I said “No, I hate it!”. I did not pick up at the time that her voice sounded sad but looking back it seems to be the way. She then said “Okay, I guess that (brother’s name) will like it and moved it onto the window near his bed. I brought it up again a week later asking if it really is an agate, and she said that is what happens when you say you do not like something. It was also in his room when he moved to another room later as well. I do not know why, but I started randomly feeling bad about it again recently.
6 comments
You were 9yo and it’s happens. As a kid you don’t know any better. If you are feeling that guilt now, have you apologized to your mom about it? Or talk to her about that time? Maybe that might help you feel at ease and not have it linger on.
At 32, I still feel bad about being a bratty teenager and telling my mom to stop singing one time when she was fooling around in the kitchen.
Sometimes us being shitheads and learning to build empathy is how we become better people. Congratulations on building a sense of gratitude, empathy, and appreciation.
Maybe with mothers day coming up, you could find you and your mom matching items like the agate you’re talking about, and have it be a special inside joke.
Just tell your mum that you feel bad about it and you’re sorry. She’ll probably find it funny, if she remembers the incident at all.
Do you still talk to your mom?
It happens. Most of my family doesn’t know what to get me for Christmas.
I just never cared for anything.
When I was really young like seven or eight.
I asked for this remote control car and my uncle got me a different one and I was visibly disappointed it was the first time I ever asked for something and I didn’t get it so I just never asked again.
Years later it was one of my favorite gifts.
I regret the way I acted.
I still think of it sometimes it’s gonna happen for the rest of your life you’ll have a little moments where you weren’t who you want to be.
Best thing I can say is to remember those moments and be better
When I was 12, my parents sent me to live with my grandma for a year in another country. They were planning to move, and wanted to send me ahead so I could get settled in school, since I was getting old enough where being longer established would help for getting into college.
They didn’t force me, but I very much wanted to prove I was a big grown up girl (😂) so I didn’t tell them how scared I was to move without them, and pretty much fronted on the bravado.
So when someone asked “are you worried about living away from mum”, I said “nope gran’s a better cook” – and I said it dismissively. As if that was the only thing that gave my mum value in my life!
And that….stuck with us a little. Both is us I think, because my gran loved me, but she hadn’t been the kindest mother growing up. I felt so so so bad as an adult, because by then I knew how little things like that can stick in a person’s mind, and I had a much clearer knowledge of our family’s dynamics.
So I apologised. I explained that I didn’t mean it, that I’d only wanted her to think I was brave when really I was scared to be without her. She mostly laughed, but I could see it had bothered her just a little all those years, and she was happy to hear it.
I was 26 when my mum died, and I’m so glad I apologised. We were close for my whole life, and by the time she went we’d built a lovely relationship, but this way, she knew for certain. And now, a handful of years later, I don’t have to worry that she knew how much she meant to me.
So yes, it’s a silly little thing, chances are she was upset at the time and has long since got over it, but there’s nothing wrong with apologising to her now if you want. She’ll probably laugh at you still feeling guilty all these years later, but she’ll appreciate how much you care. And when the sad day comes that she’s no longer around, it’s little things like this that will either make you regretful or feel relief based on how you handled it