I just found out recently that I was struggling from partner betrayal trama. I’m 5 months pregnant and my husband cheated on me 4 years ago “emotionally”. I have been crying for 2 days straight because it hurts, I am an open book and he’s always known that. He has a male bestfriend but he still went to find a female coworker and confide in her. They were leaving work together to get lunch etc etc.
So fast forward, I’ve had enough and asked him for a divorce because he still is lying about what happened and in a way blames me. He told me if he could go back he would do it the same way again to “protect me” because I had a lot of stuff going on too. (“But not talking to the girl”) So I have been telling him for a month that my tire keeps going flat on my car, he would say I’ll look at it. So a month and a half went by I ended up on the side of the road because it blew and my mom had to give me money to get one because I don’t work and I’m bed ridden.
My car also shifts because I need a wheel alignment BAD. Today and yesterday he is just splurging on everything, he went and bought me a desktop that I’ve been saving to get and he’s currently out getting my wheel alignment. He took me for a drive and he’s been trying to talk but I just have no interest anymore. He knows money and material things don’t impress me, but he does it anyway. But I feel like why wait until I have completely given up to try, something I’ve been begging you finally want to do it once I’ve just been over everything.
I love my husband I do but I just can’t get over the fact that I gave this man everything I had, I was open and honest and I was a shoulder to cry on, yet he still gave away the one thing that’s dear to men. (Emotional connection) We have no connection what so ever. I tried everything I could to try but nothing. I was hoping some men would give me insight on why and how I could avoid this In my next relationship because I just don’t understand. When I ask him it loops back to “I was doing it for you” and that just makes no sense and it feels like gaslighting.
I still feel like it could be more and he’s just never gonna tell me, and that’s what I can’t get over. I feel like she has a piece of my husband that I’ll never get. My betrayal trama is sooo bad I can’t go out with him in public because he like to Check out other women and then try to tell me he’s not when I literally be looking right at him. I’ve covered all my mirrors in my home I’ve taken a break from social media as well. I feel like I’ve lost myself in this marriage and like I’m in a deep hole in fetal position. I’ve brought up counseling and he just says “I don’t think we need counseling and we can’t afford it”
4 comments
Have you tried counseling for yourself? It might help you process/interpret things in healthier ways, such as your husband having female friends or looking at people, both of which are perfectly normal things a person may do while married.
You don’t mention any inappropriate messages and you don’t mention him sleeping with her, yet you are clearly assuming bad intent on his part when maybe it was a friendship the whole time. Obviously I don’t have all the information but to me, it feels like you have made a whole lot of assumptions and projections of what his intentions are/were.
>I’ve brought up counseling and he just says “I don’t think we need counseling and we can’t afford it”
Make it non-negotiable. You’re thinking about leaving, so you guys need it.
Tell him that. He doesn’t think the situation is dire. He thinks he can patch it up on his own. He needs a come to Jesus moment.
Tell him that’s marriage counseling or else. There’s where you want him to spend his money on you.
I’m sorry but I think divorce is the way to go here.