For the last few days, I haven’t slept well and have made it clear to my partner I’m not feeling great. Regardless, I carry on, and worked, spend several hours deep cleaning the kitchen and living space. We had some remodeling done over the weekend and the house was a dust covered disaster and I couldn’t even put the groceries away. My partner is messy and I primarily grocery shop, cook all our meals, clean, do both our laundry. I spent a good 4 hours deep cleaning the shared living space just to make the kitchen functional again.
My partner works from home on the computer until about 4pm. Took a 2hr nap around noon and then goes to the gym after work. He gets home about 6pm. I am still deep cleaning the fridge with a sponge and trying to wrap up so I can get dinner started.
* He says to me “will you make me a protein shake?”
* me: “um I’m kind of busy? Is there a reason you can’t make yourself one right now?”
* him: says nothing
* “Me: “ok can you give me 10min. I’m trying to finish cleaning the fridge ” (I was standing at the sink with soap and a sponge in my hand and the glass fridge rack in the sink).
* him: comes up behind me and hugs me and burrows his head in my neck. I cannot physically reciprocate at that exact moment because I’m covered in dish/fridge gunk and wet hands. He says it’s ok I’ll wait for dinner. He walks off to take a shower.
***20min later…***
I finished up the cleaning. I’m exhausted. It’s 110°F and we’re having a massive heatwave where we’re living. I have intense period cramps. I feel gross. I sit on the couch for a sec before I get up again to start cooking us dinner. He gets out of the shower.
I blow a raspberry and say to him “ooof I do not feel good. I have a headache and I’m feeling exhausted’.
He’s standing in the living room in front of me in his bath towel and says”
***Why don’t you ever bow down to me and worship me??***
🤯
Ok… So I know he’s half joking. ***However*** I sense he’s throwing shade. Likely because I didn’t make him a protein shake and I wasn’t able to reciprocate the hug/embrace in the kitchen 20min earlier when I was in the MIDDLE OF CLEANING!??
So I say to him “WOW are you kidding me?” And as I’m saying this he walks back into the bathroom and slams the door mid sentence.
I feel so extremely disrespected. I March into the bathroom and say “what the fuck is your problem? If you have something to discuss then COMMUNICATE WITH ME. don’t say some disrespectful shit and then slam the door in my face. That’s not how you get what you want with me”
* he says: “I NEVER I GET WHAT I WANT FROM YOU”
* me: “after I spend all day cleaning and getting groceries and tell you I’m not well, this is how you treat me!? Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you could offer ***me*** some help? Offer to help clean? Cook? Maybe make ME feel loved?
* Him: “don’t do me anymore fucking favors then.”
* Me: I leave the bathroom and go to the kitchen and I’m pissed. I feel so disrespected. I started preparing the $30 salmon I had unthawed for dinner and I start to cook our food. He then marches out fully clothed and grabs my truck keys, says to me “DONT COOK ME FOOD” and leaves for 2 hours. I assume he dined out. Most of the salmon was put in the fridge and will go to waste.
I go downstairs to watch TV and try to relax before bed. Our house is 82°F at night. I haven’t slept well in days. And our bedroom is the coolest room in the house. Even if we are arguing I still sleep in bed with him. I hear him upstairs, home from wherever. I am giving him space. I hear him head to bed around 10pm.
I go back upstairs to go to bed at 1030pm. He’s already asleep. And he’s LOCKED ME OUT OF OUR BEDROOM.
I had to sleep in the spare room with no Ac. I was up until 3am and feel absolutely wrecked today. He is now giving me silent treatment.
I feel so disrespected, disgusted, hurt… I understand he maybe felt briefly rejected by my lack of embrace…or maybe because I didn’t make him a protein shake!? This just feels wildly manipulative and immature, and controlling. I’m not sure how I should approach this. Do I consider trying to talk to him? Or is that his job? He clearly feels I’ve WRONGED him and that seemingly allows him to treat me however he wants.
I’ve installed a small AC in our spare bedroom this morning and will likely be sleeping in here again. Maybe I need to start considering alternative living situation.
Sorry this is so long. Thank you for reading 🙏
46 comments
You said you’re 34 and 41, right? You didn’t mean to say 19 and 21? This is childish behavior. First of all, a 41 year old grown man can make his own drink. Especially when he can see you’re busy doing something else.
Probably you’re both in a crappy mood due to heat, cramps, etc. and maybe he just felt like having a fight. Maybe he just wanted an excuse to go to the bar.
Everything after that though, is straight up bullshit. I bet if he’d have found the door locked on him he wouldn’t have found it such a great idea.
You absolutely need to find a new place and let this dood go,he’s a nightmare.
What happened with the salmon, that’s what I want to know. Did you manage to eat it? How do you cook in such weather? It’s only 90 over here and I can’t bring myself to do anything beyond cutting veggies, ac or no ac.
This is a classic boyfriend girlfriend fight. He’s trying to lighten the mood and you snapped at him. It probably happened one too many times and he’s just done with you. You can either have great make up sex or break up with the guy. Don’t start sleeping in the spare bedroom as if he’s going to beg you to come back. I can assure you he will not. So either come back to bed ready to forgive or move on.
This is extremely childish behavior coming from a 40 yr old man. It’s hard to put myself in your shoes, because his actions are so cringe & disrespectful, I’d want out the relationship entirely. His actions are very selfish, it would make me want to retaliate like actually NOT doing favors for him because he’s obviously taking you for granted. But retaliating isn’t helpful if your trying to actually work on a relationship. It’s up yo you if you even want to work on a relationship with a man child
Why do you want to stay in this relationship?
Yeah, I’d be pissed to. Be done with him, he’s a man child, and if he’s still acting this way at 41, its not going to get better.
Stop doing things for him. Just stop. He’s a POS and there’s no point.
Inconsiderate individual. He needs attitude adjustment
Why are you dating this man child? He’s sounds like he wants a mommy not a partner. He’s also being horribly manipulate locking you out of your own bedroom because he didn’t get what he wanted (aka he’s throwing a tantrum like a toddler). You deserve better than being a single parent to a 41 yo little boy.
Girl, he’s in his 40s and acting this way? It’s only going to get worse as time goes on. Locking you out of the bedroom when he knows it’s the coolest place in the house and knows you don’t feel well is pretty abusive. And you have to do everything around the house when he works at home? What are you getting out of this?
My boyfriend sometimes makes jokes like that but he’s way better at “reading the room” and if I told him I was tired from cleaning or had a headache he wouldn’t do that to me. He locked you out AND gave you a silent treatment? Jfc.
I don’t know if this is salvageable… is he always like this??? please try couples therapy though.
Well that sucks! He is acting very immature. You have already gotten some really good advice but I wanted to add one thing. I’ve been married for many decades and all of our big fights occurred while we were hungry or hot. Once we made it a point to only live in places with a/c our lives became so much calmer and peaceful.
What is he, 18??? To have that much disrespect for you??? I definitely wouldn’t put up with that, and I wouldn’t expect my wife to either if I acted that way. I would definitely look to get out of there. No reason for you to live like that.
😂😂😂 You’re the one dating this person. I have no advice for someone who makes that choice
nah fam that’s a wrap on your relationship
Divorce
Dont let that prick use your truck! It’s a favor & he told you to stop doing him favors. That means laundry, etc. make that guest room super comfy & use it to plan your escape
I woulda broke that fucking door down.
Please leave. If he is 40 he is not going to change. Probably he will get worse.
Yes, time to leave the man child behind! Just think of all the free time you will have not being his bang maid.
His behavior is repulsive.
Your post is riddled with signs of his slovenly, childish laziness. He takes two hour naps during work. He refuses to clean up after himself, cook for himself, or even make his own drink. He goes to the gym and expects you to literally worship him. He throws a baby tantrum, runs away from the conversation, and then pulls some petty shit ensuring you get punished for simply speaking.
You know. You already know the answer and it’s easy to see.
Alone is better. This is gross and not a partnership.
Sorry you went through this. This behaviour is just not on. I think it will only get worse if the relationship continues. See yourself out of this one. You’ll be much better off without this guy.
I read this whole thing and have one question: why haven’t you left this entitled man baby?
It sounds like form of mental/spoken abuse. I agree with DrHugh. Why do you want to be in this relationship? This guy does need to be locked up because you don’t deserve that treatment, you deserve WAAAAAY better
Not making this about me, but my aunt was married to a guy who physically and mentally abused her for the better part of 45 years. She tried to leave him but he suckered her back in every time. He died in 2013 of 7 different types of cancer but she stuck it out because he made her believe that she couldn’t find anybody better.
Jesus Christ I am so angry on your behalf. This is absolutely crappy behaviour. He’s not treating you like a partner.
Also, he took YOUR truck when storming off during his hissy fit?
There are so many actual good men out there. Not man babies, not drama kings, MEN.
Men who cook and clean. Men who respect their partners. Men who do things for their partners. I know this because I’m married to one. And I’m not some special, gorgeous woman. I’m short and overweight.
But there is not a day that goes by that my husband doesn’t do things for me. Doesn’t cook at least one meal. Doesn’t make me feel so special and loved.
Let the man baby have his child domain.
You go off and find yourself a man. One who is emotionally intelligent and knows the value of a functional relationship.
You cannot possibly be happy in this relationship. Why do you stay?
See if you can get some books by John Gottman. He is the most quoted by marriage counselors and therapists. 7 Principles of Making Marriage Work is the best. Best of luck.
I read 41M but his behaviour is 14M. It sounds like you are raising a child, OP. This is not a good look and you deserve someone that will do the things you want out of him
You can do a lot better than this man-child.
Hey, if this is the way you’re fine being treated, get it girl. Personally as a mid 30s woman myself, and childless by choice, I wouldn’t want to be taking care of a grown man who disrespected me this way. I hope you can find your way, becauae this sounds miserable
Seems like you aged out. He’ll have another girl as young as you were, or less.
Sadly you’re dating a big baby.
Sweetly it doesn’t look like things are gonna get better.
You also seem to be the only one coming up with solutions. Like installing another AC in another room because you know you’re sleeping there again?
This is actual abuse!!!
Do yourself a favor and leave!
Yeah, I’d be out of this relationship. This is an embarrassing way for a grown man to behave and at 41 he’s not changing. Does his presence actually improve your life in any way?
To be fair, did he ask you to deep clean everything?
Also, are you SAH or do you have a job?
Yeah, you should he doesn’t appreciate or respect you. Not to mention he’s not helping , he could have taken an hour nap and gotten the groceries or even just stopped at a convenience store and gotten his own damn protein shake.
He’s 41 and seems an immature at a 19 year old, Op I think you can do better and I think you know that too.
never mind. i don’t want a man.
I would break up with this douchecanoe in two seconds flat. He’s disrespectful, uncaring, entitled, rude, and just all-around a failure at being your PARTNER.
Girl, he doesn’t deserve you. You’re in a relationship with a child. Leave his ass. Trust, there’s plenty of men who will adore you for cooking and cleaning for them. I mean, you’re a gem. For him to lock you out of the bedroom to “punish” you out of spite should be the final nail in the coffin.
He doesn’t respect you. You can do so much better.
Omg he’s an ass. Behaving like a spoiled child. I’m very sorry. You did nothing wrong here. I’m amazed you didn’t just leave and stay at a hotel overnight
Lock him out of your life.
This is not a healthy relationship at all. My jaw is still on the floor at the “why don’t you ever bow down to me and worship me” comment. He says he “never gets what he wants from you”. Do you hear what he’s saying? You should do what he wants when he wants and be grateful that you’re allowed to be near him. Locking you out of the cool bedroom because his fee fees are hurt is abusive.
You need to start thinking about how much you want to put up with.
WTF he’s a 41 year old man child. Leave his ass!
FFS! He’s a 41 yr old child. Don’t waste another minute with him. Find your own place. The day before you leave make sure to thaw out a piece of fish, the next day when he isn’t there pour the juice from the fish all over that clean fridge.He doesn’t deserve a clean fridge when you’re gone. And microwave that fish and leave it in it before you leave. He is not worthy of you.
Y’all make me glad I’m single. Dang.
41? Acting like this at 41!? I can’t.
✨dump him ✨