So on an extended trip to visit some fam and friends, there’s a guy here (33/m) who my friends have tried to set me (33f) up with a few times and there’s definite chemistry there and we hooked up last night.
I think I do like him and there’s a lot of mutual attraction, but recognise the guy is quite disconnected and I’m a bit of a weirdo too/ wounded from previous relationships so how it is now doesn’t bother me. Last night, in secret (to my knowledge) we met up, ordered some weed and some food and had a great night of seggs and play. Sex was good, conversation was good laughed a lot and just hung out and he was polite and respectful. Though a bit out of sync in the sheets, really enjoyed myself.
So far so good. Aside from being Concerned I got a bit sloppy but we both smoked a lot. I don’t want anyone to know we hooked up to avoid gossip and questions, but would also like to see him again at some point (we live in different cities/ countries). I told my sister I went on a date with a guy I used to see and think this is the story I’ll stick to.
Is it impolite or rude to ask him to stay quiet, I tried to discreetly ask when I phrased “does Anne and Jack know that we picked up together?” And he said “no I didn’t say anything, did you?” And I replied no. I don’t know if he read between the lines/ took the hint. I don’t want to insult him by insinuating he’s a gossip neither do I want to insinuate I’m ashamed of our rendezvous.
Any careful words of wisdom?
4 comments
It’s ok to be honest. “I really enjoyed last night and would love to see you again at some point, but can we please keep this between us for now? Given the circumstances, I don’t want us to just be gossip.”
^
Why need quit the emotional games and just say what you want? Why do you need a story for anyone else?
This is an exact situation that happened to me. I hooked up with a guy from my friend group, because it was my birthday and I had a tiny crush on him lately. I lived 8 hours away from my hometown at the time so thought it was just a bit of fun. Spent my time while I was home with him and swore him to secrecy because of others knew it would become a drama (which is did eventually). Then went back to where I was living at the time and we maintained a long distance flirtation for a couple months. When he came to visit me for a weekend I had decided I wanted to give it a go and had been thinking of moving back home because my Dads health wasn’t great also. Before I moved back some people found out we were seeing each other and got butt hurt, but we just dealt with it all and reassured everyone it wouldn’t be weird hanging out as a group just because we were together now. Welll that was 11 years ago and we’re now happily married with a kid and a mortgage and still have all the same friends too. So happy ending for me 🙂