I know it’s 2023 and a girl should be able to make the first move but I feel a little uncomfortable with the idea. And it’s not always the guy I’d like who approaches me, so I’d like some advice about that.
Thanks for reading

35 comments

  1. You don’t make any first moves. You supposed to send them signals to show that you’re interested. They should approach once you send the signal.

  2. I think that if a female finds a male attractive go for it. We are all humans and the worst you’ll get is no, I’ve rejected a fair bit of girls and woman but 8 times out of 10 there a horny guy at a party so yeah go for it. Also if there anything like me 21m I can’t pick up a signal from a girl to save my life especially if I’ve been drinking, but yeah just don’t come off as boring or weird and you should have a good outcome

  3. First of all, I don’t think there is anything wrong with a girl making the first move in a party or event. In fact, many guys appreciate it when a girl shows interest and confidence in them. It can also save you from waiting for someone who may never approach you, or missing out on a potential connection.

    However, I understand that it can be nerve-wracking and uncomfortable to make the first move, especially if you are shy or unsure of how the other person feels. That’s why I suggest you start with some subtle and casual ways to show your interest and initiate a conversation.

  4. Women have just as much a right to happiness is everybody else so if it feels right make that move if not hold back. That’s just my opinion.

  5. Generally it’s not written anywhere any gender should make the first move
    If I want something I go for it
    Even though I have been turned down a couple of time 🥲

  6. The only guys who don’t appreciate women taking the same social risks they have traditionally been asked to are… how shall I put this… the WORST men out there.

    Have no fear, the only men you will turn off are the ones you really don’t want to get involved with anyway, unless ALL you want is a one night stand, and in that context those same awful guys will hold there nose and take one for England, I assure you.

  7. I had this happen once, and it was one of the things that actually brought me out of my “Giving up on relationships” mentality. It was really simple, and it was a great time.

    She basically just came up with an excuse to talk to me (In this case, it was because I lived close enough to my friend’s party that I could ride a bicycle there, so she asked about it. A quick conversation turned into “Wanna go talk outside where it’s quieter?”

    It’s really not that hard, and although she turned out to not be a good match (to put it lightly), it was a great time. It made me realize that I really wanted a relationship, after years of just conceding that I would be alone forever.

    Basically, just come up with an excuse to initiate conversation, just to break the ice, especially if they are just kinda sitting on their own. Chances are they will be more than happy to chat. Just try to make your intentions known after you get your foot in the door. Don’t just fall into small talk.

  8. I would love to be approached by a female. Nothing wrong with a female approaching first. If you like what you see, go for it. He may reciprocate and you end of meeting for a drink or a meal. Or worst that could happen is he says no thank you. At least you tried and will keep trying….. I can’t wait for the day to come where a female would approach me and ask me out. Don’t worry, I won’t be holding my breath of this though. LOL

  9. You could approach them and talk to them. It’s been a while since I’ve dated, but what I would do is go up to them, introduce your name, smile, be friendly, ask them a question relevant to the event or party. “Great/horrible song! Haha, what do you think?” Then, continue from there. If that doesn’t give some sort of hint (it’ll depend on the context, dance club = obvious), then kinda check him out up and down kinda quickly, and smile a lot (if you think y’all vibe). Beat of luck!

  10. I honestly don’t think it’s attractive for a woman to make the first move in a bar or social setting. The only time I think it’s appropriate for women to make the first move is if she and the guy are friends for awhile and she wants him to know she likes him more than just a friend.

    But to make the first move at a bar or party comes off too desperate when the girl does it, no matter how crucial she does it.

    This only applies to me, though, I’m only expressing my opinion on the matter of women making the first move.

    When a woman initiates romantic interest towards me, I naturally go into defensive mode to shield myself from the unknown. Since men are hardwired biologically ( I assume ) to be hunters, someone coming to hunt me feels unnatural.

    By hunt I mean pursue. The creator who designed man and woman seems to believe men should be the initiator, hence why we enjoy initiating, unlike women.

    Now, if I were friends with a woman and didn’t realize she liked me more than just a friend, I strongly believe she should make the first move to let me know her about her feelings.

    I refuse to buy the crap that men and women are the same. We clearly aren’t, and we perform better in our designated roles.

  11. My pickup line is when I meet new guys is “Hi, I’m OpalTurtles.” And I shake their hand…

    Just kinda see where the convo goes from there if you hit it off or not.

  12. I went and talked to a guy at a concert, seemed interested, we exchanged numbers and I never heard from him! Probably won’t do that again.

  13. As a guy Im biased but would much appreciate the woman making the first move. I feel it’s the same way for whomever approaches who, but a small compliment to start then maybe a question about what’s going on around us or something small and light.
    Best of luck out there

  14. The advantage of being a woman is you can approach men without any issue. As a man, if you approach women and you misread the situation, you can have the police called on you, lose your job, be called a creep, etc. Please reply and tell me how I’m wrong and don’t forget to downvote!

  17. In the past, when women carried those hankies with them, they would intentionally drop them around the men they fancied, the man would then try to return it and it created small talk between the two until it went to planning a meet or date.

    What I’m trying to say is that women used to make the first move and there’s nothing wrong with making the first move. Hell these days men will most likely not even make the first move, not to mention most people in general these days are bad at picking up social cues.

  18. I hope we get to the point where only women make the first move. Men are dumb and violent.

    Men are oblivious with no attention span so don’t get discouraged. We don’t care about personal space either. Just being touchy or getting noticeably close gets the idea across, probably without offending anyone. Women get hit on in all the time so learn to ignore it. Guys aren’t like that. Once we pick up on it we sit up and take notice. Just talk to him. They’re probably not making a move because they have no idea. We either hit on everyone indiscriminately, or wait until it’s obvious after the moment passes.

  20. Incredible, men should be brave and those who make first step! These modern feminist tendencies in Europe and here what I see as anew comer in the UK made makes frightened creatures who can not dare even bravely look at you and make an approach. So many times caught eyes in me and he stares in metro, tries to smile and I see he sits and just afraid as does not know what to expect. Only when I smile in return then a male proceeds. But we want brave men and confident like in Georgia, Turkey. When he knows what he wants and does actions with no hesitation and not scared being reported to a police. Males nature is killed here totally with this modern shit

  22. If the guy you like is not the one approaching you what do you expect? That he’s just going to magically notice you somehow? If there’s something you want in life YOU have to be the one to go and get it. Some people get everything handed to them but if that doesn’t happen to you I’m sorry, but you’ll just have to take things into your own hands

  23. Well for starters, you are experiencing what men have for centuries. Approaching is uncomfortable and you never know what the reaction will be. But much respect for you considering starting to approach men. It shows you have the will to do something yourself about your situation.

    I’m a man who lives in a part of the world where it is totally acceptable for a woman to approach a man. The idea that only men approach seems a bit “back when grandpa was young we used to do it like this…”

    That doesn’t mean that all men get approached and there is still lots of discomfort and insecurity when it comes to approaching no matter if it’s a man or a woman doing it.

    I’m a man who some will call lucky and I get approached a lot. I can’t remember the last time I went out to a bar or a party and a women didn’t approach me.

    And my experience is that, to be honest, it doesn’t matter that much how she approaches me. If I find the woman attractive anything she says is a great way to start a conversation. If I’m not attracted to her, nothing she says can change that.

    But you want advice….

    Keep it simple. No long rehearsed lines. A “Hi, who are you” is often all it takes.

    Compliments. You would be surprised how many men go through their lives never getting a single compliment. And even those popular guys who have women all around, rarely get a compliment. A simple compliment will often take them off guard and you will have their full attention. You will stick out from all the other women. Just a ” I like your shirt” or “You have pretty eyes” could blow them off their feet because nobody has ever told them that before.

    Approach him when he is alone and not together in a group. It will make it easier for both you and him. Approach him when he is on his way back from the bathroom, when he is outside to get some fresh air.

    Don’t get discouraged if you mess up or he is not interested. For men the saying in for every 100 approach, expect no more than 10 conversations. See it as a lesson, as experience. It is a skill and with time you will feel more comfortable and things will get easier

  25. If you’re a strong independent woman and you’re interested then don’t hold back. It’s not like you’re making a commitment, you’re just exploring.

  26. I watched a video where a girl gave advice as to what to ask a guy: ” which would you prefer to be a pirate, a samurai or a cowboy?” and i spent a good 20 minutes debating with myself which one id rather be so i recommend you use this as an opener.

  28. You should do the classic drop the pen and bend over trick. That will get his attention.

  29. Just walk up and say hi. It’s not so hard. Worst thing he can say is no.

    See how condescending that sounds? That’s what we’ve been hearing for years.

    You want to be with someone, well we’re not mind readers. You need to make your intentions known. Too many times have guys been put off because they thought they read the signals correctly only to be rejected. So now, because of other women, YOU have to put in the work and make the first move.

  30. Yes they should, but they won’t

    “Strong and independent” only when it’s convenient

  31. You may just have too. Women have been telling men for years now to F-off, so, we have. Most of my friends won’t even approach women any more lest they be labeled creepy, or something else.

  32. The only way to become comfortable with it is to try, and fail, several times, until it feels less weird.

  33. If you are a woman the go to tactic is probably to go up to him and start talking to him but he should probably be the one asking for your number and shi like that

  34. Making a “first move” can look like….

    Prolonged, overly obvious eye contact with a smile. (Example: Eye contact, look away, look back, smile and look down, then look back up kind of awkwardly and embarrassed.)

    Placing yourself near him, in close proximity, like at a party or event

    Giving him a compliment like “I like your shoes”

    Asking a question like “do you know ____ ?” or “what / is ___ ?” or “what are you drinking?”

    It’s basically about giving a greenlight and an opening to start or keep talking.

    (Although guys sometimes still miss it. I’ve been “approached” and hit on multiple times and didn’t realize it until much later)

  35. It’s completely fine to make the first move at a party or an event. You can win over anyone (at least as a friend) if you approach them with a smile and confidence (as in being confident without coming across as over-the-top or cocky) and take an interest in them – their work, their hobbies, etc. You’ll find that a lot of people feel awkward at parties or events (particularly if they don’t know a lot of people) so most guys are pretty receptive to being approached.

    Yeah, being approached by guys who aren’t your type can be uncomfortable, but it’s good to know how to handle it as it’s an inevitability. I always just try to be nice and make conversation, but if I feel like the guy clearly wants something more or isn’t respecting my boundaries, I just move to a different conversation/location at the party and hope he will take the hint that I’m not interested. If he asks me outright for a date, I just politely tell him I’m not interested.

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