My partner, female, rarely got to orgasm during our penetrative sex. Our foreplay usually lasts 15-20 minutes, and my ejaculation typically takes 7-10 minutes. Sometimes she could orgasm just about when I ejaculated, but most of times she couldn’t. I feel guilty of not pleasuring her.
Any advice would be appreciated.
7 comments
Read the book “She Comes First” by Ian Kerner.
Many women experience difficulties to reach orgasm by penetration alone. So that doesn’t have to mean you’re doing something ‘wrong’ and you definitely should not feel guilty.
Of course the first advice would be to talk to her to find out what feels best for her. Or notice her responses to different things you’re doing. Find out what works for her. Can she orgasm when she masturbates? If yes, try to do exactly as she does to reach it. Otherwise, it’s highly dependent on the personal preferences, but here’s a few things I’ve found to work.
During foreplay: Focus on all parts of her body. Play with her breasts, lick her nipples. Slowly work your way down. In general, oral sex is most efficient in my experience. Circle around her clit with your tongue. Maybe slightly suck on it. Lick all the way up and down her pussy lips. Change between targeting specific areas with the tip of your tongue and just broad licking with your flat tongue. You can also try pushing your tongue inside her pussy instead of using your fingers.
During sex: It’s more than just pounding her in and out. Change rhythm, grind inside her instead of going just directly in and out. Keep playing with her breasts and nipples. Rub her clit. Try different positions. In some you can just hit that sweet spot better than in others. Maybe let her on top, she’ll find the right rhythm and angle better. And last idea, but definetely check with her before: Light choking has done wonders for me
Ramp up the foreplay. Everyone is different but what helps my wife is to tease a lot. For her that means creating anticipation before penetration. Touch her whole body and kiss her all over, keep Doing it until she’s basically begging for you to fuck her and then go for even longer. That should help.
More importantly, ask her what she wants more than anything else and she might be willing to coach you through pleasuring her
Me personally I try and get her to come at least once or twice during foreplay before we have sex, and then at least once if not more during… I try and come after she’s done. Even if you finish before her, you could get her off after or at least offer to, thatd be polite…
Can recommend a wand vibrator.. if you are lasting 7-10 mins and she has a wand on her clit during piv she could easily have a very very powerful orgasm or 2 with the combination of piv and vibrations. Good luck
As recommended above. She comes first, is an good book to read.
Take your time on the warm up. If she is able to have multiple orgasms. Try to give her one before penetration. Remember that many women can’t come from penetration alone. So don’t take it personally. Just work with it.
Remember the goal is to satisfy her. It doesn’t matter how, as long as she is happy.
Something we found is a small suction toy. There are some toys that stimulate the clit during penetration. I think the one we have is a We vibe melt. It works with air/suction instead of vibration and she has enjoyed it, and you don’t end up feeling vibration.
Don’t expect a woman to climax from penetration, as only a minority can. Make her come from oral before penetration, and then go to intercourse. Or, go down or rub her clit after intercourse.