I know this isn’t exactly the place to be talking about this but I guess I need a place to let it out. I have known my now bf and ex bsf since the 3rd grade. we all went to the same k-8th school and there were only 60 kids per grade so you pretty much knew everyone for a long time. both of them started in kinder and were immediate friends, whereas I transferred there a month into 3rd grade. I was friends with them both until about 6th grade when my now bf became a total dick and egomaniac and my ex bsf became my bully. that same year my ex bsf even made a fake Instagram account and was messaging people in our grade rude things or starting up rumors, making my middle school a living hell. I wasn’t very well-liked in middle school and later found that my ADHD had made it really difficult for me to make/keep friends. my bf and I have talked about our old friendship before and he fully admitted to being an asshole in middle school. he was held back to start kinder so he was a year in age ahead of everyone, making him hit puberty in like 5th, but I have no idea why my bsf had turned so quickly.fast forward to junior year of high school, we all attend the same school. I find myself having each of them in a class with me. at this point in time, I was in a highly toxic and manipulative relationship, I wasn’t allowed to hang out with any friends or talk to his friends and was constantly accused of liking other guys or cheating. I stayed in this relationship for 13 months over the course of my entire sophomore year and the first quarter of junior year because I was extremely trauma bonded. I physically couldn’t let go when he broke up with me that October even tho I had seen with my own eyes him cheating on me with multiple other girls during our relationship. these two friends were also close friends with my ex. although they talked with him a lot, they were ultimately on my side and very supportive. my ex bsf specifically was very helpful. I would call him crying and he would always rush to come help me and we would hang out basically every weekend. on the last day of winter break, he confessed his feelings to me. he was a great supportive friend so I figured I would give him a chance and talk with him for a little. I was unsure of my feelings for him, mostly because I wasn’t in a good place after the break-up and my parents actually wouldn’t allow me to date for some time after how bad that relationship went. we went on a date and talked and I went with him to his birthday party, but after about a week, I knew that I didn’t have any other feelings for him other than platonic ones. I let him know and he told me it was ok and that he respected our friendship more than trying to have a romantic relationship.over the course of junior year, we got really close and became truly best friends. he took my now bf to Hawaii but back home with me, he was always spoiling me with fun hangouts. he comes from a family with more money than I do and doesn’t work, and he was constantly paying for movie tickets, go-carting, and bowling, on top of gas money for him always driving. he would also always spoil me with gifts like random flowers, cards, food, and even a new gaming headset all “just because”. I always felt incredibly guilty about all the gifts but I was having so much fun hanging out with him. I would tell him I felt bad he bought me so much and he would tell me that it was because I was such a supportive friend. his father had passed the year before so he found a lot of comfort in me and I always picked up the phone and did all I could to try and be there for him through some really tough times. I do musical theater so the two boys would always come to see me shows and support me out there. come may, I started realizing that I was kinda developing feelings for my now bf, who was my bsf’s current best friend. I didn’t start anything until I started noticing him hanging around me more too. the two of us were part of a separate friend group without my ex bsf so I really got to know him more. I ended up fully opening up about my mental health, family issues, and the old breakup to him and the amount of support and caringness he gave me was immaculate. he would constantly say how he had my back and was going to be there for me and I then knew that I really liked him. My ex bsf during the last weeks of school wasn’t doing so well mentally and missed a lot of days. still being friends with him, I contacted my now bf to surprise my ex bsf on the last day of school to hopefully make him feel better. we picked him up with his favorite ice cream sundae, went to an arcade for a little, then watched the new Transformers movie. We tried our best to celebrate him but when we left the theater he started walking away. we stopped him and were like “Dude wtf what are you doing” and he refused to get in my car and insisted on walking home himself. we were incredibly worried but didn’t want to be pushing him so we let him go. I drove us both back to our homes and texted him and asked what was up. he said that he was just super overwhelmed with stress and appreciated what we did but just needed some time. I then texted my now bf what I was told and he told me that he was glad it wasn’t anything bad. he also told me that he thought the reason he ran off was because he still had a lot of feelings for me and thought my now bf was trying to get with me. this was before I had any idea my now bf likes me so I was stunned. he then told me that my ex bsf had been fully in love with me since the 3rd grade and those feelings have not stopped. I was completely speechless with shock and guilt.I followed what I was told and gave my ex bsf some space, but still would ask how his day went and send him snaps. less than a week after school ended my now bf confessed that he had feelings for me and I told him I did too. we talked over the course of the next week since I was on a trip to Greece and I found myself really liking him and feeling extremely safe and comfortable with him, something I hadn’t had in a past relationship before. he ended up making me a playlist and I posted it on my snap story with the caption “When he makes you a playlist <333”. a few friends noticed my now bfs name as the playlist creator and rushed with questions like “Omg how long” and “NO WAY”. later that day when I went to snap my ex bsf I saw that there was an “x” next to the chat, meaning he has unadded me. I went to text him but my texts weren’t being shown as delivered. he had blocked and unadded both me and my bf everywhere and I was heartbroken. I felt awful for making him feel bad but also angry for putting in so much time and effort into a friendship for so long, for it to just be dropped like nothing without saying anything. Over the summer I texted him maybe 3 or 4 times just hoping to get a response and got nothing back. senior year starts in 2 days and I am terrified. I want to see him again but also don’t want to. I am heartbroken with guilt thinking about it, but at the same time my bf has made this the best summer of my life and I am living in the healthiest relationship I have ever seen in my life. I want to feel happy but I don’t think my ex bsf will ever forgive me and that hurts more than anything.
TL;DR
I’ve known my ex bsf and now bf since 3rd grade and they are very close. my ex bsf has been in love with me since the 3rd grade. he unadded and blocked my bf and me everywhere after finding out we were talking. senior year starts soon and I am terrified and heartbroken to see him again, but at the same time want to.