19F Can’t seem to enjoy sober sex?

5 comments

1. It sounds as if you may have trouble relaxing enough to enjoy sex when sober? I wonder if your partner is spending enough time on foreplay and making sure you are comfortable before starting into intercourse? Also they may need to use lube if your natural lubrication isn’t sufficient to keep you comfortable. Are you having orgasms during sex? Because that should normally be more than “somewhat pleasant”.

2. I am a guy, but I had a similar experience due to childhood neglect. I was hypervigilant so physical sensations quickly became overwhelming to me.

   The thing that helped was learning how to feel safe and how to let myself be seen and vulnerable in with others.

   Without knowing a lot more no one can give you advice though.

3. The fact is that alcohol does lower inhibitions. See if you can have sex with only a glass or half glass of wine or whatever you are drinking. Try to reduce your consumption gradually.

4. What aspect of it do you find uncomfortable while sober? ie do you not feel comfortable being touched, is it difficult to get aroused, are your movements more awkward, etc. And does being drunk completely resolve that comfort, or just dull it to the point where you can enjoy it “somewhat” (as you put it)?

5. Alcohol lowers our inhibitions. It depresses the central nervous system. Sounds like you have some anxiety or issues relaxing and being in the moment. Maybe some insecurities. I wouldn’t dismiss body images issues outright. Pay attention to your thoughts during sober sex and sit with them when you’re not having sex. Try to figure out why you feel the way you do.

   Drunk sex in itself isn’t a bad thing but the way you’re using alcohol with sex is not healthy nor sustainable. Please do what you can to get this under control.