There is this common friend group that I have. I have met most people from it but due to the pandemic, we mostly meet in online video calls. The number of people on the call varies depending on everyone’s schedule. There is this one girl in the group that was my senior at university and over the past few months, I started talking to her. We started talking about casual stuff like shows, books. work etc. but occasionally we talked about deeper stuff as well. This went on for two months. Then, a couple of times it was just us on the group call and we talked for hours for all sorts of stuff. A lot of it was our personal feelings about things or how we thought about certain kinds of relationships, what kind of childhoods we had etc. She mentioned previously that she is generally really private and so I was happy that she chose to share all this with me. She disappeared for some days on social media and I asked her over text if everything is fine. She said she is just taking a break and I don’t need to check in on her. I felt like I was overextending and I backed off but later she responded normally to things I had sent before her break. Plus, we had another one of these calls and it was just us left and we talked almost all the way into the morning. So, I assumed everything was fine. i did have a crush on her but everything about the interactions was platonic and I did not think that she was interested in me. I was fine with being friends.
Now, some time after I asked her over text about a moral question I had (about directly handing money to homeless people). I asked her what she would do if a homeless person asked her for money. She said stuff like I don’t need to know her opinion to make my decision. She said that she is not an expert on a panel that anyone is allowed to reach out for questions and that she gets uncomfortable if I ask her personal stuff especially over text. This wasn’t stuff that we hadn’t discussed before and so I got angry and responded passive aggressively saying that I won’t bother her now and I was asking her because she was a friend. To this, she said she is neither a friend nor an expert. I flipped out at this and I said that we have different understanding of what a friend is. She explained that texting if often feels like exhaustion to her and that I should keep such questions in the group discussions rather than asking her. I did not have a problem with her not texting but saying we are not friends really hurt me and I got defensive. Ultimately, she said she does not want any contact beyond the group call and proceeded to unfriend me on all online platforms.
I wasn’t sure who was in the wrong here. I asked a couple of friends and they said I had done nothing wrong. But I felt very guilty about the whole incident and I did send her an apology later to which she said thanks (after 10 days). Should I have apologized in the first place? If yes, what am I to do now in this situation?
TL;DR;: Started talking to this girl who was a part of an online group. Built a rapport, shared personal stuff. Later she says we are not friends and cuts me off.