What is wrong with me?

21 comments

1. I need more info on what you believe makes you “weird”? Examples of behavior- like…..do you have life sized puppets you talk to in public and bring with you on outings? Do you have a pocket full of bunions you cut off other peoples feet?

   Sometimes people lack confidence and therefore believe that they are weird when the reality is, you’re just a person and reading too much into the situation.

   And “ugly”, at our ages, isn’t a reason to not speak to someone or not like them. Unless you’re surrounding yourself with some very terrible people.

2. Without knowing you I couldn’t tell you what your issues are.

   A lot of people in their 30s/40s/50s are realising they are on the autism spectrum. I would do some googling and start with that and see what you think. Because even if you aren’t there are great guides for social communication!

   I would also look for a therapist to help with social communication, they can help you figure out where you are struggling and guide you with the skills you need for this

3. Do yk any good guides?

4. Emotional neglect in childhood, maybe?

5. Um so I glanced at your previous posts and generally I think there’s nothing wrong with you in the sense you mean, but I do believe you need therapy to help you process your experiences and to really get to the bottom of your poor self esteem.

6. >People seem to not want to be around me. In group situations I’m always talked over. People forget I’m even there.

   Maybe you talk so quietly that they don’t even hear you. In your mind you’re talking normally but externally you’re whispering. That’s because you’re not present and in your head thinking all sorts of things like “what are they thinking of me? Am I speaking in a weird way? Am I too quiet?”.

   Also, let me tell you that there’s something wrong with you. You’re not “bad” you’re just different from others like me.

   >What was I doing wrong then?

   Even here, in your own mind you think that as a kid you had to act in a certain way to make friends. Years later nothing changed.

   >I’m also an incredibly weird person, even though I try to tone it down as much as I can.

   You’re trying to hide the “bad” part of you! It’s evident! You’re thinking “No, this is bad, I have to hide it” so you talk quietly. I BET that when COVID hit you were kinda happy about it because you had to wear a mask so no one could see your face.

   I think this all boils down to past trauma. Trauma can be everything to a child, not necessarily a tragedy. Even losing your parents in a supermarket could be a traumatic experience. Remember when did you start acting like this. When did this all happen and most importantly why?

7. Check out this video by this psychiatrist Dr K/HealthygamerGG.
   Basically he details what others can find offputting with someone’s facial expressions. I think its relevant since you mentioned you’ve consistently been getting feedback about weird facial expressions.
   [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kJu2P51TF0](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kJu2P51TF0)

   e.g.
   -Nonfluctuating Affect (always smiling, having one fixed facial expression for too long)
   -Lack of Emotional Mirroring (Someone is telling a sad story and you don’t match their saddness or show sympathy)
   -Incongruent affect (laughing when shouldn’t be laughing, monotone while telling a joke, etc)

   Also for people who are socially anxious they may be too much inside their own heads and be reacting outwardly to their own anxious thoughts. Instead of being present in a conversation and reacting appropriately to the social cues of the other person.

8. Just cuz ur unattractive doesn’t mean people should hate or treat you different. It’s not you. It’s them.

9. I experienced a lot of the same social issues as you and then I was diagnosed as autistic at 36 and it all made sense. I’m not diagnosing you as autistic or saying that you definitely meet the criteria based on those few short sentences, but it might be worth looking into it. Even if you don’t meet the criteria, you might get some tips and pointers from the autism community on social interactions.

10. A lot of good advice here and Ill add one more, practice self acceptance.
    I am enough. I matter. I am worthy of live no matter how broken I am. I deserve to take up space. You get to define what is enough and your opinion of yourself should matter the most. Really practice this and love yourself. From a place of self love, you then can confidently give love to people.

11. This might be awful but I have found that: If you earn or obtain something people want (i.e. a nice job, a skill, fit body, partner, money, network, talent) and they will never stop bothering you with conversation and invites to events. Some folks are self-obsessed and only hang out for personal gain, and if they can not gain anything from you they do not include you in the discussion/on the list. Also, I invite you to observe those around you, rather than yourself in a social setting, and to see how awkward most people are being as well. You are not alone or damaged.

12. Dude. Who told u that shit about your face? Flush that shit out of your mind if u can.

    Instead of focusing on people talking around you, focus on including others in the conversation. Say “what do you think, carly?” Or “you’re a teacher. Is that true of the kids in your class?” Or whatever u know about them. Validate it and ask them in order to include them.

    It’s leadership. It shows u listen and know something about people. It gives them a chance to talk.

    And when you talk about other people, always say positive things. It’s a psychological trick, but not necessarily fake and manipulative if u mean what u say. The people u r talking with associate the positive things you say with you, not just the person you’re talking about.

    Be positive, supportive, and enthusiastic. It doesn’t matter if you’re “attractive.” Confidence is more important. And that’s a couple of easy ways confidence manifests itself.

13. Sometimes a good therapist helps tremendously.

14. I’m. 30
    Year old dude. I don’t have friends either. People view most people from a value perspective

15. I would recommend you reading “How to win friends and influence people”. Has shifted my attitude drastically

16. Hi. This sounds like me. About 5-6 years ago, I was struggling with issues like this. I was trying to figure out why I was anxious, stressed out, and felt like I didn’t relate to anyone. In the meantime, I was in the process of getting my daughter diagnosed with autism. I started reading articles, and it hit me like a freight train. Every single check applied to me.

    Could it be possible you’re on the spectrum? I most certainly am even people say, but you don’t look or act autistic (I hate this statement! Ugh! So autistic ppl have a look, do they? Many times people with high functional autism go undiagnosed especially women because of their tendency to mask (or avoid certain tasks that neurotypical people might call weird (fidgeting, chewing on things, talking nonstop about a specific topic or interest that you fixate over, force eye contact, ect) but they could’ve been missed as a child because academically, they are very bright. (I graduated from college with a 3.96 gpa, but I couldn’t keep friends. Also, my senses seem to be more alert than my Neurotypical friends. I don’t wear makeup because I hate the feel and smell. I can’t handle high pitched noises and get intense migraines. I feel claustrophobic around large crowds if I don’t know what the crowd will do. I can’t wear certain fabrics because they bother my skin. I see things in black in white (it’s either right or wrong) and I won’t to know the rules and understand the why. A lot of my friends are guys because I don’t understand the female brain, and I am one. Lol. Does any of this sound familiar?

17. If your speech impediment makes it difficult for others to understand you, people may be withdrawing because they don’t like feeling uncertain in the communications process.

    I understand you can’t afford more therapy, but is there any way you can work on your speech? There may be library books that can help you until you *can* afford speech therapy.

    You post are well-written and intelligent. I’m sure you have interesting things to say!

18. Man I wish I could meet people like you in real life because you’re basically describing my entire life. Whats been helping me right now is to get a recording app on your Phone and when you’re alone or driving say something in your “normal voice” and listen to how it sounds. Think about how you would feel if you were someone else and heard that, what is the general vibe you would get from that person?

    Then try to say something in “loud and rude” mode, talk like you’d expect someone to call you out for being an aggressive asshole and listen to it. In my experience it actually wasn’t as loud or imposing as I thought it was, my internal calibration was off. It almost sounded like other people’s regular talking voice! Doing that gives me more courage and confidence to be louder.

19. You’re lack self confidence. You’re putting yourself down. It doesn’t matter if you think “this” and “that” no one should be looking at just looks. But more what you bring to the table. I would say get some confidence in you girl!! And get some friends that will celebrate your weirdness!

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21. From your post, it looks like you’re very self critical, you gotta understand that the problem that people overlook your attendance in a group might be because you don’t engage enough, try to not overthink your words and stand your stance, you made those sentences and you should stand your opinion. I had the very same problem and I still do, I had to just tell myself to stop thinking down on myself, that dragged me sometimes into disagreements where I didnt know how to react, but I tried to be calm and even if my words didnt make sense sometimes, I gave away my opinion through emotions/feelings that the other person got from me, so you should think about how you express and engage yourself and not how other people face it, you should know your and be assertive.