I have always struggled with this a lot.Like I do not know what to say and how to comfort someone(mostly friends) when they are crying or just trying to hold themselves together to not break and cry.I feel like I should hug them,caress their hands and say positive things.But I am not able to do it with everyone.There is one friend of mine who has hugged me earlier quite a few times and we had hold hands as well so skin contact does not feel weird with her and I am able to comfort her by holding and caressing her hands when she is crying.But with others,with those who I have barely had any skin contact with and who I have never hugged before,its almost impossible to do it.It feels so weird.Plus when someone is not crying and their eyes are watery and red then I am able to notice it that they are trying to not break and hold it inside.Then I am always perplexed as I do not know how to react.Then my thought process goes like:- I should give them space and they will get better if they spend sometime with themselves and I pretend that I did not notice that they are about to have a breakdown.I had always thought that it would be better to let them deal with it on their own.Like they do not want to break in front of me and if I ask them,they will break more.But my other instinct tells me to comfort them and say good thing or like to hug them and caress them.But I am not able to go with the second option coz the idea of skin contact feels weird.Later I feel guilty that I should have comforted them.And I think about how bad it must be for them to feel.And I can not stop thinking about it sometimes.So what should I do or say if my friend is about to cry and teary?
1 comment
I am not a physical person, I usually just sit quietly next to them, I avoid staring at them, I just give them a reassuring saddened look.
When they’ve collected themselves slightly after a few seconds, I ask wether they want to talk about it or ask wether something bad happened recently, then I just listen and try to show compassion without solving their issue for them-This usually makes people uncomfortable being vulnerable around you if you get stressed out by their feelings and immediately want to fix it for them.
Ofc you can also ask if there is anything you can do to help them feel better.
(I have a tendency for problem solving in the wrong situations, not saying you do this. But worth noting as a bad move)