Hey guys. I’m a 23M and my partner is 19F. I turned 23 3 months ago, and she turns 20 in 3 months.
I know the age gap isn’t actually that bad for older people, but something about it just makes me feel like I might be a creep. I’ve met her whole family, she’s met my parents. Nobody has really mentioned anything, except my friends who have made joking comments about her being too young. While they were jokes, they stung me a bit because I don’t know if they carry any weight. All of my ex gf’s have been older than me, my most recent ex being 3 years older than me. These age gaps were never N issue in the past for me, but that was different.
She’ll be able to drink legally around the same time next year, we have similar future goals, we get along really really well, have a lot of common interests, same personality, and the relationship is going well. The only time the age gap is apparent is because she has less relationship experience than me, which comes up every so often. For example we both work basically full time and she talks about how hard it is to balance schedules, and I mentioned that’s just a part of adult life, as balancing your schedule for your SO is something I’m well used too. But besides that, there’s never really any friction in regards to our age gap or difference in maturity level. I often forget she’s literally a teenager and talk about going to bars before I remember. To be fair though, we’ve known each other for 6 weeks and have been dating a month. But, it’s been smooth sailing in that.
She doesn’t look particularly young, she could pass for 20-21. But when I remember I’m dating a teenager, a weird feeling comes over me slightly. I wonder to myself if I deep down know it’s wrong, but ignore it because I like her so much. So I’ve been struggling with what to do. I mentioned to her how I was a little stressed out about this and she said she doesn’t think about it at all and doesn’t think it’s an issue, but she understands if I choose to break up.
I don’t know what to feel. I want to do the right thing, but throwing away an amazing relationship with the ability to go the distance for something only in my head would be horrible.
Any advice?
5 comments
I’ve always been a big fan of the half plus seven rule, so let’s see what it says:
(23 / 2) + 7 = 11.5 + 7 = 18.5
Seems like the gap is acceptable based on that rule.
Too much?try 17 and 26
Bro you spend too much time on reddit
This is one of those things where the fact that you’re thinking about it and conferences about it makes it OK. At your age that’s not much of a gap anyway, but even if it’s wider it’s not the inherent numbers that are the problem. The problem is when one person in the relationship is using the age disparity to exercise power over the other person.
The very fact that you’re concerned about this dynamic says that you’re NOT doing that.
It’s important to reflect on your behavior and examine it to see if what you’re doing is wrong, but it’s equally important to avoid getting inside your own head and blaming yourself for things that you’re not actually doing wrong. I can be **extremely** self critical, and I often blame myself for things that aren’t even remotely my responsibility or fault, and I think that’s what I’m seeing a little of in you.
You’re fine, man. If you really feel weird, talk to your girlfriend. Ask her about how she feels about your age gap, and if she feels like you’re being inappropriate or whatever. Be honest and open. I wish you both the best.
Do you Young King, why you tryna convince mofoz on here. They gon give you straight hate. If she make you happy and you treat her nice. Enjoy the ride ✨