I (34m) met a woman in the wild, gorgeous, down to earth and easy going. We’re in similar stages in life and really excited about each other.
We communicate really well and she told me about her weed habits. I never smoked or plan to. I have friends who do and I love them very much.
However, I’ve never dated anybody who does. I seriously couldn’t tell if she did. She smelled great, had shiny white teeth, and wasn’t in a hurry to smoke a blunt while we’re together.
I admit, I don’t know much about weed in general. She says she smokes weed oil through a pen. I don’t know what that means, but if it doesn’t smell, I think I could live with it.
Unfortunately, I cannot stomach the weed smell from smoke. I really don’t know how this will affect our relationship going forward, but I’m definitely willing to try. I hate the thought of discarding a good person just because of one thing I don’t really understand.
Anyone out there that experienced the same thing? Did you go through? How did it affect you? Did you set boundaries?
30 comments
Vapes don’t smell
It’s not a big deal. Just tell her you don’t like the smell so she knows?
I would recommend not using the word stoner unless you think she has addictive habits (such as using weed excessively, etc) because you can use weed and not be a stoner, similar to how you can drink alcohol without being an alcoholic
generally pens don’t smell. When they exhale there might be a oily, scented smell (depending on the scent of the oil) but it disappates quickly. I’ve never done it myself, but I’ll do pot gummies a couple of times a week and it really doesn’t affect me any differently than having a few beers. I honestly think it’s a much healthier habit
but yeah, treat it like you would alcohol. If you notice she has uneahlthy habits with it, set boundaries and/or just move on. If you think she has a good handle on it then it’s really no issue at all
I use marijuana, whether it’s smoking a bowl, vaping, or edibles. I am very upfront about my use. I have a great career, no debt except for a new car, and have zero criminal background. I vape all day at home and use edibles. I don’t smoke flower at home very often cuz nosey neighbors and it does smell. But vaping doesn’t smell unless you are in a tiny enclosed space and doesn’t smell like weed. It smells like whatever flavor the vape is.
What’s good is you’re open to the idea of someone who smokes marijuana. If you want to understand it more, ask her directly about her habits. She uses it for her emotions? Recreationally?
It is obvious this is on your mind. Don’t burn a good thing by not understanding the circumstances through their lens
I used to date a stoner and he was completely unreliable because he would get stoned, pass out, and as a consequence forget whatever plans we had for that day. It was the worst.
You are calling her a stoner already because she uses cannabis? This the 1990s?
If she’s using a pen and does it occasionally, it may not be too bad for you as a nonsmoker. Speak up about the smell… she’s probably used to it and will be mindful.
Like you, the smell alone puts my stomach in knots like I’ve had bad coffee, but that hasn’t been the reason for incompatibility in my case. I always come across guys who wake up – smoke. Eat – smoke. Stress – smoke. Going out? – Smoke. Winding down – smoke. Sex? – smoke. It was a lot. If I truly met a social/occasional smoker, I’d be cool with it. But social/occasional is subjective lol.
I think you’re confusing “stoner” with “someone who smokes weed.”
If she’s doing alright and it’s not an issue then ok. She’s just a responsible weed person.
If she’s broke, zero desires outside getting high, then that’s a stoner.
Boy you really don’t know much about stoners. The white teeth and nice smelling comments made me laugh. Just tell you hate the smell, no biggie.
I think it’s fair to ask about her usage habits and let her know the smell bothers you, take it from there.
I use edibles multiple times a week to relax before bed, I don’t think it’s much different than having a glass of wine with dinner. There’s no smell with edibles and not generally with vapes either, if that’s your whole hangup about it it probably won’t be an issue.
I smoke regularly but the times I’ve dated people that didn’t, I just never smoked around them out of respect. Worked well. 🤷🏿
Please take this advice. Make sure she’s not a “stoner”. One that’s addicted to weed and uses to get by in life. If she uses it recreationally you’re good.
The smoke/vapor from pens is much less aggressive than actually “smoking” weed, I also don’t like the smell of smoke in general either. So from that perspective her using a pen is probably why you’re not smelling it on her, even if she had recently vaped.
My two cents whether it’s weed, alcohol etc, I don’t care if you like to partake as long as it’s not negatively impacting you/our life.
I’m tired of people treating dating like Build-a-Bitch workshop. She has ONE flaw that isn’t really a flaw and you’re considering not pursuing her bc of that? This is why so many ppl are single these days. Always looking for perfection
Unless you’re in a confined space, the weed smell usually disappears fairly fast if smoked outside.
Sounds like you have your own issues and her smoking some weed shouldn’t get in the way of you handling that.
You’re lucky. Maybe she’ll get you into edibles, and it’ll be a boon to your quality-of-life.
She sounds amazing, let me know if you lose interest ;). Kidding but seriously, its not a big thing at all, if she actually smoked and was blowing the smoke all around sure, But pens or vapes are so much better (atleast in that respect, who knows health wise). Weed is a much healthier habit than alcohol so i’d suggest you open your mind to it. I cant smoke because of my job and it being federally illegal, so instead im forced to destroy my kidneys to destress.
I say this in the nicest possible way: there’s a whole world of weed out there!
This would be a great conversation to have with your friends who smoke. Then you’ll have more knowledge to base you decision on. I bet they’ll be happy to answer any questions.
But to hit some highlights:
– not everyone who uses marijuana is a “stoner” – that’s a derogatory stereotype that all people who use marijuana are lazy burnouts
– the woman you met is vaping, not smoking, which has very little smell
– the teeth comment made me lol – that’s a thing if you smoke tobacco
– “wasn’t in a hurry to smoke a blunt” also made me lol – again she vapes, blunts are a very different thing, and you shouldn’t assume everyone who uses marijuana is an addict
Here’s my similar experience:
I can’t stand tobacco smoke. It gives me migraines, so I’ve never been able to date a smoker.
When I’ve dated people in the past, and found out they smoked, I explained that I wasn’t able to be around someone who smoked. Some of them then chose to quit. Not saying I would ask for someone to change – I just asserted my boundary and that’s how they chose to respond.
I also dated someone for a while who vaped tobacco. I wasn’t sure if that would work for me, so I brought it up as soon as I found out. The next date, he brought his tobacco vape pen and we did a test run. Turns out it was fine for me. No odor. No migraines. No problem.
Dated two different women who smoke weed regularly. One a little more into it than the other.
My ex felt the need to smoke to calm anxiety. That was actually the trouble to the relationship: anxiety, stress, emotional, trauma, etc. Not the weed.
My current FWB smokes more and she does it just as recreation. She has a very casual approach to life in general.
If you’re a non-smoker, like I am, the issue isn’t whether they smoke or not, but why. That’s how I see it. Good luck! Either way, no reason to try it yourself if you don’t want to.
You’re overthinking it in general, plus the oil pens don’t have a smell. Also, if she has a good job, is fun, and takes care of herself and her responsibilities, it shouldn’t really matter (she’s also not a “stoner” by definition in that case).
> She smokes weed oil through a pen. I dont know what that means, but if it doesn’t smell, I think I could live with it.
She vapes, and yes it does smell. Because she is still blowing out the smoke she inhaled. It’s not as strong as smoking not so flower but it does still smell a bit. However, she can blow it out a window, that’s what do with my weed vape. Since I don’t want inside my home smelling like weed.
I would ask her what she specifically uses weed for and how often she smokes it. Personally, I use it just for bedtime to help with my chronic insomnia, and I don’t smoke during the day.
If she’s a pen user, it’s most likely because she doesn’t want to smell like the smell of smoke you’re repelled by. A lot of stoners have this school of thought. We like what cannabis does, but don’t want to walk around smelling like a skunky ash tray.
Could be a fun topic of conversation. Just roll with it for a little and see what you think. Off the bat from what you explained, there aren’t any typical stoner red flags.
Recreational cannabis smoker here. No, I haven’t given up my life to weed. No, I don’t have crippling dependency. I’ve dated non-weed-smokers though. And guess what? That sucked too. One of my previous partners got silently judgmental whenever I wanted to smoke, despite being “totally cool with it” when we first started dating. So I smoked socially away from him, and walked socially away from him too. Compatibility goes both ways.
She’s not a stoner, and it’s also clear you know nothing about weed.
Look, if her using it at all is a dealbreaker, just move on. It doesn’t sound like it is though, so just talk to her about it. If she’s vaping oil in a pen, it doesn’t smell like stereotypical weed. I hate the smell of weed, but I use a pen. At night mostly, it’s actually prescribed for medical reasons – namely I have violet nightmares from PTSD and weed interrupts the REM cycle and allows me to sleep mostly nightmare free. I also hold a productive job and manage my finances and own a house & do all the other responsible adult things. I am clean, I don’t smell, and my teeth are white.
Your post comes off as judgy, and ignorant. You should educate yourself, and then address concerns with her. She’s not laying around the house smoking an ounce and eating an entire box of crackers every day. She sounds like a great person, so if you otherwise like her, work through your stereotypes and see if you can make this work.
Oh helll ya, sounds like a baddie
Sounds like it won’t work out. Toss her my way.
She doesn’t sound like a stoner, she sounds like someone who smokes weed.
For reference, you’ve probably dated women who drink alcohol but weren’t alcoholics.
Does that makes sense? If she’s a functional adult, and the habit doesn’t bring negativity in your life like a bad smell, I don’t see the issue.
Smoking is bad for you but alcohol is too.
This thread is batshit crazy.
I have a weed vape pen. I take 1 hit when I get home from work. It doesn’t smell.
The effects are similar to having 1 glass of wine for me. So all these people using the word “stoner” without more information or asking if she’d be able to take care of children are nuts. I doubt anyone would have anything to say about someone who has a glass of wine at night.
Like everything, if it’s used in moderation and responsibly (just like alcohol) I don’t see what the issue is.
But if you’re going to expect her to change, or you have an issue with it, don’t date her. Simple.