I am just really confused and need some advice. I (39F) have been sleeping with my friend (45M) for 10 months. We have known/slept with each other off/on for 13yrs.
The sex is plentiful and exciting. We see each other every weekend and do a lot of other activities together like hiking, sporting events, theme parks, hanging out with our friends and just watching TV/gaming. His actions are totally in line with caring about me: he takes time off work to spend special days with me, takes care of me when I have panic attacks and when my close friend passed away, he got me perfect birthday presents and has recently been very affectionate.
We don’t talk about “us” and have never said ILY since starting sleeping together again (we’d say it before when we were “just friends” such as when hugging goodbye.) But when I asked what we are/what he wanted with me, he said he didn’t know. In the past, someone telling me they don’t know is an invite for me to leave because I deserve, and desire, passion and commitment. But he made it seem like he is going through something, that is making life hard for him, unrelated to us (but wouldn’t open up further.) He said he doesn’t want to be with anyone else and would tell me if that ever changed.
I don’t want to throw in the towel, I really care about him and I can’t expect everything to be perfect/easy, but I don’t want to be an idiot and stay too long with someone who doesn’t want a future with me. I have all this love to give and sex to have and am building a beautiful life for myself and the person that cares to join me. I love him and I’m terrified of being hurt again but at my age I’m more hopeful about the possible love and safety in store for us, if things work out.
I just don’t know if I should stick it out, support him in any way he’ll let me, and hope it makes us stronger/closer; or just cut my losses and find someone more enthusiastic about being with me.
TL;DR: Falling in love with FWB, says we’re exclusive, takes loving action, but won’t define the relationship further. Stay or go?
3 comments
Never hang on a fwb waiting in hope they’ll get the same feelings as you. They’re either kn the same page or not. He’s not
Sounds like he’s avoidant.
Talk to him. If he’s not even willing to have a conversation about it, that’s an answer in itself
Sometimes a well-settled temporary is the most durable.
If everything else is perfect, it might be worth talking to him and easing his fear of commitment.
But don’t wait too long.