My boyfriend of 3 years is really into cars. When I first met him he never talked about cars, let alone modded ones. He got scammed by buying a modded car on Marketplace. He studies to be a mechanic and had his teacher evaluate the car and IIRC he pretty much said its good for the scrap. Yet he still drives it and likes to take it to do “pulls” with his friends.
We had multiple arguments about his hobby: on the long term plan because it’s expensive, the safety of it, etc. I can’t describe the conflict I feel when he’s out to do pulls, torned between letting him enjoy it and feeling panicked because he’s not giving me any signs of life. I truly wish he had a different passion. But my main concern is the danger for himself and others also. Or getting a ticket and losing his license. He goes up to 160KM and I just find it so completely stupid and childish even.
Am I in the wrong/overreacting? Could I reasonably ask him to stop? We don’t live together but when we will move out I cannot fathom sitting at home hoping he comes back in one piece…
TLDR my bf does pulls with a shitty car and I can’t imagine letting him keep this stupid hobby for a long time
32 comments
Wtf is a Pull? Sounds childish as hell, tell him to grow up or fck off
Where is he doing “pulls” and what are they? I am not very familiar with the term. Is it like racing?
IMO over reacting, guys will be guys && you can’t take that out of them, I understand the safety concern and that’s something you should talk to him about on a personal level , but his hobby is his hobby for a reason && you as a partner should be able to understand why
Pulls = maximum acceleration; flooring it
Its kind of makes sense for mechanics to have a passion for cars, restoring and modding, etc. So, that part is fine.
But doing stupid shit like ripping 160 km/hr pushing car to limits on a high way, endangering yourself and others… Moronic.
You’re not a professional driver and we’ve seen plenty of people lose their lives from reckless driving.
I’m not sure what to say really, this is a really popular and enjoyable hobby, but it’s no wonder you don’t relate to it. I would definitely agree on the expense side, you can easily spend a fortune just getting carried away with a few mods, not to mention the time investment. If he does end up going crazy it, you would have to try and convince him to give it up/tone down.
A good friend of mind decided to totally sell up all his drift cars before he got married so he could commit more to his relationship, it was extremely difficult for him but it helped out their relationship a lot. *He almost cries sometimes when he remembers his favourite car*
Besides this, if you do really like him, you should also accept his flaws like he would hopefully do for you. There’s nothing wrong with having something you really enjoy doing.
How do I tell my (27F) boyfriend (27M) that I hate his hobby? – You can tell him but your relationship may not survive.
Am I in the wrong/overreacting? – No.
Could I reasonably ask him to stop? – Yes, but you should expect him to say, ‘No.’
**’I can’t imagine letting him keep this stupid hobby for a long time…’ – Can you imagine having a different boyfriend? Because if you are able to force him to give up his hobby, he will probably resent you for it. Can you love him the way he is? Can you help him get a safer car, or to go about this in a safer manner so you can feel more comfortable in this situation? If you can’t, you should probably let him go.**
Wow lighten up. It’s his hobby. “You can’t imagine letting him keep this stupid hobby for a long time.”
Sorry but I don’t see this relationship working out.
Car boys are the male equivalent of horse girls.
Granted I come from a place of bias as someone who is into cars too, but ultimately you have to take the person for who they are. Not who you want them to be, not try to “fix them” or to “change them”.
You don’t have to like his hobby. You can and should talk to him about your concerns with it. But at the end of the day it’s his hobby and either you learn to accept that this is something that makes him happy, or you have to be willing to walk away and find someone who does safer, less expensive hobbies. If you feel this strongly against it though, it may be best to call it quits. Because you’ll just grow to resent him and this will cause bigger problems down the road.
I don’t think you’re overreacting about the pulls.
I think that he should be able to enjoy his hobby of model cars within a reasonable limit
I’m probably gonna get some slack for this but oh well.
You don’t. His hobby is his hobby. It’s what makes him happy.
If/when you two live together and the relationship blossoms then you can voice your concerns about safety and how you could be affected by this.
But it’s his hobby. His enjoyment. Respect it.
Info: Is he doing 160k on public streets? If so he is being reckless and has no consideration for the life of himself or others.
I’ve got a lot of expensive hobbies but safety is always my primary concern over all else.
Sounds like he thinks he’s a mechanic, but he’s not.
It’s okay to break up with someone because they have a hobby they can’t afford and is dangerous and that’s now what you want in life.
Just like it’s okay if he wants to have a hobby he can’t afford and could cost him his life.
You both are not compatible from the sound of it.
“Boyfriend, I hate your hobby.”
As a fellow car enthusiast please let him have his hobby… Now as far as being concerned for his safety or other’s safety speaks more to his maturity and driving like an asshole is not a justification for liking cars….
He is what we in the USA call a “Fuck Boy”. They are not to be trusted.
Someone into cars isn’t shit, unless they can fix a car to be normal first. If they are modding a car that isn’t even running properly, they’re just trying to be cool and don’t trust them. They prefer status over actual proper skill.
Do what my sister did when her husband took up motorcycling against her wishes. Take out a big life insurance policy.
His passion for cars is fine, but to do pulls on a highway instead of an actual track is just immature and dangerous
You got with him knowing he had this has a hobby and obviously enjoys it. You could give him an ultimatum and he could pick you but be upset long term. Or dump you
You two don’t speak the same love language and are therefore incompatible.
Seems like an overgrown adolescent who’s scared of growing older. You may have to move on, because this sort of insecurity is tough to correct. Some guys just have it and never get over it.
Get life insurance on him with you as beneficiary
I’d hate to be him. Here is another woman trying to change a man into what she wants him to be instead of either accepting who he is or finding someone else.
There is no need for you to argue about it since a marriage born of this relationship is untenable and will eventually die an unpleasant death by a thousand Karens.
Also, don’t try to get a bunch of idiots on Reddit to gang up on him by agreeing that his hobby is stupid. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. None of our fucking business.
You absolutely can discuss your concerns with him. You also should absolutely not make judgement calls about it. For example, “when you do these things I get very concerned what might happen if you are seriously injured or killed.” But not, “I think your hobby is stupid and I hate it.” You should discuss this with him, and if he dismisses your concerns or refuses to listen then you will definitely have some thinking to do whether it is worth remaining with a person who does not take your concerns seriously.
I can’t imagine him keeping you as a gf
One single sentence made me believe you two are not meant for one another and it is not going to be what you think. It was “letting him KEEP this STUPID hobby for a long time.” You don’t get a right to control anyone else’s lives- their interests, their hobbies, or what they spend their money on. Especially as only a girlfriend. I would be over the moon simply for the fact that this man has something that he loves, finds interesting, and want to learn more about simply for the love of learning and not because of school or being paid to like it by one’s job. You don’t have to like it because you don’t have to do it with him. YOU do not have to be passionate about it, no one is asking you to like it in the first place! I could literally say this about any hobby. They are supposed to be rather pointless and seem silly to outsiders. Do you think men just love when their wives take up knitting..? No. But you are damn sure that they will wear that knitted scarf with pride because it will make their wives so freaking happy and proud. The only thing you are supposed to do is show up at car rallies to support HIM because you know it means a lot to him. This is the most important thing and it doesn’t seem like you are in a place in your life where you can think about someone besides yourself. Your intentions. Your interests. And what you want. Be a better person or leave so he can find someone else that will love him better than you are able to at this point in your life.
My hobbies are playing music, going to shows and video games. I do agree that his hobby is reckless and senseless but anyone that has been against my hobbies in a relationship has been left in the dust.
_laughs in 160 km/h because that’s the average speed people drive on the German Autobahn when there’s no speed limit._
It’s a bit of a confusing one, on one hand yea it can be dangerous if you don’t know what ur doing, but calling his hobby stupid and childish is kinda mean. It’s really a case of- guys really like cars and going fast no matter how old u are. U can bring up concerns but asking him to quit immediately will definitely end in an argument that doesn’t mean to end ur relationship obviously I mean that would be a silly reason to break up 💀, you’ll have to come to a compromise
Agree with the others.
Having cars as a hobby is fine.
To go out and be dangerous with those cars is not fine and would be the deal breaker for me.
How you decide to say no is something you have to decide on but I’d definitely start with a conversation about acceptable boundaries for his hobbies and go from there.
I’m with all of these other comments telling you that you should break up with him, but I’m going to give you a different bend on it.
You and your bf do not share the same values and future outlook on life. He wants to spend his recreational time and money on something that you are not comfortable with. You worry for his well being, and he seems to not being worried about his own well being. You are worried about the future ramifications this can have on him, and he is not. It’s not just that you don’t like his hobby. You can make it with someone who’s a stamp collector even if you think stamp collecting is some dumb ass shit. You can’t make it work with someone who doesn’t share your values in life or outlook for the future.