I’d like to preface this saying that I know it’s her body, her rules, but please read the whole story first.
My gf, whom I’ve been with 1.5 years, and I plan to spend the rest of my life with, has never been happy with her body. For context she’s 150kg/328lbs and 5’1”. She’s always struggled with her weight and that hasn’t really been her fault. Her parents were quite negligent, ignorant or both, and she grew up on a very unhealthy diet and has always been obese.
She’s struggled to lose weight for the past year and a half, due to mental health issues, university and other factors, despite trying to.
I love my gf so much and I do find her attractive despite her thinking I’m lying or don’t (I do have a thing for thic women don’t judge me). She asked me if I would still be attracted to her if she lost weight and I told her I would be and I would love her exactly the same regardless of the scale, I just get worried sometimes because she’s been having health issues that weight may be a factor in.
To help her lose weight I decided to alter my diet to help make things easier on her losing weight. This worked for a little bit until she stagnated, whereas my own weight came down alot (I dropped 8kg in 2 months), and I eventually struggled to maintain this. I myself am a bit overweight but not to a hazardous extent (90kg at 5’9”). I have autism so venturing past my safe foods for too long is a struggle for me but I am trying to expand my palette for her.
A couple nights ago she mentioned the idea of travelling to turkey for liposuction surgery and if I would be ok if she did. I asked her if she was definitely sure about this and why she asked for it. She wants to remove the excess fat so she can effectively start over, plus be a safe weight to get pregnant and not have to worry about that many health issues anymore, and we can have more wild bedroom things as well. I told her if she is 100% sure and if we can finance it somepoint I’d help her out with it. At some point she would get skin removal too.
However afterwards it’s been on my mind that she’s most likely doing this for me instead of herself, which feels wrong, I don’t want her to alter her body just for me, but I know of the benefits it would do her assuming that this is all safe and well, and I know she would be happier if she did.
How do i process this? Should I keep this idea alive or kill it off? I don’t know what’s right in this situation. I love my gf so much and I wanna live a long and happy life with her, I just don’t know if it’s responsible of me to support her with this.
8 comments
Health is important. If you love her and you’re okay with it, go for it!
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I highly do not recommend Turkey. Huge chance or being botched just because it’s cheaper
If she can’t maintain a healthy eating pattern now, liposuction is just a flimsy bandaid on the real problem.
If she wants a magic do-over and is willing to pay money and risk side effects, she should just ask her doctor if she’s eligible for Ozempic (can’t believe I’m suggesting this) and then work with a dietician. But none of this will work long term if she can’t maintain a healthy caloric intake. Liposuction is the worst idea if she can’t.
This one’s complicated.
I should start by saying I’m an overweight person myself, so I totally get where she’s coming from.
Having said that, the surgery she’s talking about will reduce visible fat, which is why it’s marketed as cosmetic surgery, but it won’t get rid of the internal fat around her organs, which is a significantly more important issue when it comes to risks to health.
So, assuming it succeeds beyond her wildest dreams, she might look ‘thin’ externally, but still face the same risks associated with excess weight (hypertension, diabetes, etc.)
You haven’t said where you’re located in the world, so it’s impossible to know what options are available to her locally. Here in the UK, for example, it looks like 2 new weight loss medications might shortly be available, having recently been approved by NICE. They’ve been touted as a game changer for those of us carrying significant excess weight.
And even if those aren’t available (or don’t work out), there are different options in terms of bariatric surgery (stomach stapling / banding), which may offer a better long-term solution (in terms of keeping the weight off).
Liposuction is not the way to go if she’s 5’1″ and 328 lbs. All liposuction does is remove fat cells from a certain area, but it does not prevent you from gaining weight if you exceed your maintenance calories. The remaining fat cells would just get bigger. It also will not make her healthier, and if anything there is a huge risk of complications at her size. I don’t wanna sound harsh, but the truth is no reputable doctor would preform liposuction on her.
If nothing else has worked and she wants to go the surgical route then her best option would be to talk to a reputable bariatric surgeon about her options.
Oh God don’t go to Turkey to get that done. Yes it’s cheaper there but it’s not always safe. It’s really a gamble.
Now I’m not saying surgery is wrong or that she shouldn’t look into it. If that’s something she wants, do it properly. Go to you GP and get advice on what the options are. Think like gastric bypass, stomach sleeve, or just diets(I’m not sure if I’m translating those names right, I’m not english)
Anyways, get al the information with your options ans then make an informed decision with the help of her GP based on the risk/reward ratio.
If she does nothing to change her lifestyle the weight will just come back on and all that money would have been for nothing