Recently went out with a guy twice. We slept together both times. I had a lot of fun, thought he did too, and thought maybe there was a connection there. He said he wanted to see me again and I said great I’d like that too. I reached out a couple times to text him, he responded, and when I suggested meeting up he was busy, so I figured ball was in his court to reach out to me… which of course he never did. I feel dumb for showing interest, and can’t help but feel rejected and wonder if I said or did something wrong. Or if I should have showed less interest? It’s not like he fully ghosted me, because he responded to my texts, but he just kind of faded which feels bad and makes me feel like I messed up?
Tldr: guy I slept with who I really liked faded away, worried I did something wrong, should I blame myself?
16 comments
There’s really no way to undo his PNC (post-nut clarity). You just have to move on. Maybe he’ll reach out again but it definitely wont happen as long as you keep checking in or up on him.
Its more than likely that after the sex, he realized that he was just horny and really doesn’t want to pursue something serious. I know it sucks, but honestly thats what happens. Horny trumps logic sometimes.
U slept with him before date 3
Don’t worry about what you did or didn’t do in this scenario.
You slept together too quickly to even figure out if you wanted to go further, it was a mutual booty call scenario.
If you want something serious, date but don’t jump into bed with someone until X amount of time.
For example, date a month or two before even thinking about sleeping with someone and state that boundary up front. The guys feeling a connection will stick around and those just looking to get laid will drop out.
A friend of mine had a six-month rule, as he was looking for a serious relationship. He was tired of the guys ditching him after getting laid.
So think about it and decide what your time filter period will be.
So, just don’t beat yourself up as it has nothing to do with what you did.
Hugs and happy dating.
If you want to weed out the guys looking for easy hook ups, you need to hold out for awhile.
However it’s much harder to weed out the dudes who don’t mind waiting for a hook up before dipping out!
Everyone ( 3 other people) seem to suggest to not sleep with someone early, but that only applies if you don’t want to sleep with them and usually stems from the *”Women are more valuable when they don’t sleep with people”* misogynistic bullshit.
If you want to sleep with someone early then do it, but just know that there will be a lot of people you meet and you find out you’re not compatible in one way or another.
Don’t artificially withhold sex to keep someone around longer, the same thing could happen and you’ll be more attached at that point.
Just have sex when ***you*** want to.
Don’t reach out to him anymore, delete his number, and put him out of your mind. It didn’t work out. No big deal.
It’s sh*t. Frankly, there’s not alot you can do. Don’t badger him for a response, you’ve played your hand, and it’s in his court now.
Does this mean you sit around waiting? Hell no! Enjoy your time for what it was, who knows what will happen. You guys had a good connection (your pov) and thats great, but for whatever reason he’s not responding.
Go out, find more connections, and fun opportunities. I personally would avoid falling into the trap of “a third date rule” or whatnot, as they bring their own set of issues. Sex is sex. Its fun, it’s connecting. Do you at the end of the day.
I’m younger than you but literally just got out of this mindset with a guy too.
We’d been talking for months, eventually met 3 times, slept together twice, then he became distant and stopped reaching out. Looking back now i can see their was an unspoken mutual vibe that it wasn’t “serious “ but i was still down about it after.
What changed my thinking was looking in retrospect, we had great sexual chemistry but not alot in the everyday and thats okay. I have no regrets, enjoyed my time with him, and had some fun experiences exploring things with him, and it taught me alot about myself. So I would recommend doing some introspection about him and yourself and find the + and -, and chalk it up to an unfortunate situation.
No need to feel bad about yourself. Think of how many amazing people you probably passed on just because you weren’t feeling it. Him not investing time or effort into you isn’t a reflection of who you are as a person. You didn’t do anything wrong.
You said it yourself; you had a ton of fun. It’s okay to be a little disappointed that it didn’t go further but just be thankful no time was wasted here. It might be helpful going forward to just be more realistic in your expectations. If something comes from the hookups, great! If not, at least you had a good time.
He found another girl. No shame, it happens to all of us.
He’ll come back around once he needs you again…then you can decide what you want.
Blame yourself, don’t blame yourself, in 20 years you will barely remember this so don’t fret what you’re doing now too much.
Now that you know this, I hope you understand the irrelevance that emerges from what things are vs. how much importance YOU put on them. All you retain is a glimpse of a feeling after many years, so make it a “meh whatever” feeling for your future old self.
Doesn’t mean it’s not occupying lotsa real estate in your brain now, no downplay here. Like I said, don’t fret, feel what you gotta feel and if you truly understand how insignificant practically everything is, considering you can die before you finish reading this, you’ll always feel “meh whatever” when things don’t work well. You decide what’s important for you. You are worth enough to yourself to not depress yourself.
– With love, your neighbourhood nihilist.
I got some advice once. The best way to get over a woman is to get under another. The same is true for you.
You did nothing wrong. He simply wasn’t interested enough in you, and you could not predict it.
Truth be told, the peak of his enjoyment with you was probably sex and once he got it there was probably not much left for him to want to explore. Sex was probably his sole intention all along, so I wouldn’t feel bad about it. Chances are he was physically attracted to you but not emotionally interested in you, which is why he can put it on and flirt but after the sex he just doesn’t care anymore.
Neither having sex nor showing interest ever scared a guy off.
He just isn’t in to you, or has another women he is more into.
You did nothing wrong.
Has there ever been a guy interested in you, but you were not interested in him? Well then, you understand his motivations.
you didnt do anything wrong. you had fun. you had sex. thats all ok. fading away just means that although you did get along on some level, in his eyes, you werent compatible and thats just what happens when dating. theres no good guy/ bad guy/ who was right and who was wrong here. if you did something wrong, you can bet he wouldve immediately ghosted
There are so many reasons he might have faded, and many of them have nothing to do with you. Maybe there was someone else he was seeing and that started to take off.
The nice thing about not getting an explanation from him is that you get to decide on whatever explanation makes you feel the best.
I don’t think there’s a big lesson to take from this experience, don’t be afraid to show interest in future partners, it doesn’t sound like you drove him away. If there’s a lesson it’s more along the lines of you don’t have any control over other people’s actions, and someone choosing to not pursue a relationship with you isn’t rejection, it’s possible that you were one of several good choices and he made a different one.