Myself (25M) and my girlfriend (24F) who are both heterosexual have been dating for around a month or two now after meeting on a dating app. Things have been going well so far. No real arguments and we are both very open for the most part as there is nothing to hide. We are very open about our dating history for the most part and most of it doesn’t bother me. Although I do not know how many people she has slept with or anything like that, I do not mind and it is not something that would upset me as we all have a history and I am no saint.
Tonight we were talking and I do not know how the conversation came up but we got talking about some of our past and we spoke about going out to bars and kissing others which doesn’t bother me. Anyway, I asked if going out to bars and kissing others is something that she did often before meeting me (as I said above we haven’t known each other long and we met on a dating app). After asking this she said ‘every so often’ and then she got her phone out and pulled up a notes app. This note was locked, but I haven’t ever been on her phone anyway other than to change a song while in the car a couple of times. I do not know her password so I haven’t snooped or anything like that for her to lock it. She then turned away and hid her phone from me, which is the first time she has done this and I have never hidden my phone from her. Then she starts counting and tells me the number and said that includes the girls too (which she said are her friends that she would kiss when drunk and nothing more than a quick peck). She then goes on to mention how she has all these details such as when they kissed, where and if they did anything sexual as well as other information. She also mentioned how she made a PowerPoint presentation about her dating history as well.
I guess from my point of view I don’t see the point in this. I know how many people I have had sex with off the top of my head and how many people I have kissed without keeping a note on my phone or I can quickly put together a list (as I actually did when we were talking about it) and showed her the list. As well as this, she said she uses the list to know what people she gets on well with and what dates didn’t go well with which people. I feel like even someone with a bad memory wouldn’t need to look at the list on their phone to know what kind of person they will or will not get on well with.
So now I am wondering if I should be concerned that she has hidden this on her phone and turned it away from me? As well as is this weird to have this in your notes? Especially with the level of detail she said. I am also not the most up to date on trends or knowing what women do so have I just completely missed something that is completely normal for people to do?
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TL;DR! – My (25M) girlfriend (24F) has locked notes which she hid from me for no reason containing a detailed list of every person she has dated, kissed and more. Is this weird?
37 comments
It’s not weird that it’s hidden on her phone or password protected. That’s basic security protocol for private things – it’s hidden from everyone, not just you.
The list itself is not that unusual. It’s not that far off a diary and some people are data nerds and obsessively track stuff.
But the PowerPoint is just weird. I don’t see any merit in you watching it and advise you not to, but I’m genuinely curious if she uses pie graphs at any point.
who keeps notes of people they have sex or kissed? that is weird, also.. I understand having passwords on your phones but when you act like you have to hide it, thats fishy…
one month in and you guys apparently keep on talking about the past… past dates, kiss etc?
I mean if its a one time thing ok but if thats all you guys talk about this isnt gonna go far
Is the list thaaaaaaaaaaaaaat long?
Harmlessly odd to keep track like this. 100% in the right to keep it private and protected.
When guys get outed for having excel spreadsheets of the girls they slept with they get called creeps/ immature, nasty and red flags.
Make of the above comment what you will….
You say that you don’t mind and you are not bothered by it.
It seems that you do mind and it does bother you.
This is completely harmless. I think a lot of people no matter their orientation at some point have written down or rated things they have done romantically or sexually.
When I was a late teen I had a list of girls I had had a crush on in my life, as well as if it led to anything or not. Composed it when feeling down and convinced I was gonna die alone or a virgin.
It will pass, especially if you guys get serious, that list will not be backed up or copied, or – like in my case – she will find it a few years later when clearing space on her device. She will cringe, feel embarrassed, laugh and delete it.
Then she will answer a reddit thread where someone is worried if this kind of behaviour is normal.
It’s the circle of cringe.
Lol, that is funny. I joke with my girlfriend about “now I can check that off the list,” that being the list of things that I would like to accomplish sexually. But to literally make a list about every date and one-night stand, that is hilarious. She should put that up on a spreadsheet to be more efficient.
I think when I was in my early 20s I might have kept a list in a notebook (before smart phones this was!) but not with that much detail, and probably just because I’m a bit of a list writer anyway. I’d say it’s maybe a bit odd at best? The PowerPoint presentation is a lot though, like why? Who is she planning on presenting it to?
I mean the list isn’t harming anyone
So…..also she can keep track of her history
Just let it be I guess , no harm no foul
The fact she hid it is the major red flag. There are obviously things recorded there which she has not told you (and presumably doesn’t intend to) and which she doesn’t want you to know or assumes you would not be happy to know.
I don’t think she’s doing anything wrong or malicious. Some type of people just like having information where they can reference and change it update it it’s actually a cool idea. That’s not to say you’d run into many people doing this exact thing. It may be uncommon but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.
It’s weird but ultimately harmless. I think a lot of people have written lists like this at some point. I wrote one at one point (though didn’t include everyone I’ve ever made out with, and it wasn’t that detailed), just to look and see if there were any subconscious patterns I was unaware of, any common factors between the bad ones I should watch out for.
Obsessively updating it is pretty weird, but if she’s the sort of person that keeps lists about everything in her life, I wouldn’t read too much into it.
Keeping it hidden is fine, it’s private, and she probably just assumed that you, like most men, would be very uncomfortable reading a detailed list of her experience.
Its weird. She probably has some type of anxiety, ocd, or nuerosis….
She’s just getting info for her erotic biography. Hopefully op gets more than a few sentences.
I think it’s insanely weird.
just a perspective for you OP, i have brain fog along with screen addiction. have trouble staying in the moment. my therapist suggested journaling about my high emotions to ground myself WHENEVER i can. that includes writing in the notes app if i don’t have access to my journals. i do it and looking back at the recent entries, the high emotions are mostly caused by my crush lol. and work related stuff scattered in between. what i wrote includes my dirty thoughts as well, would have been extremely cringey to someone who read it so i keep them locked.
just another perspective for you.
I have a list. Its not fishy, its fun. Its like a diary. Its harmless. I have gorgotten some names and it has been embarassing, so I try to keep my list updated and actual.
It sounds like you are dating a data scientist or someone with a big appreciation for data. It’s not something people normally do, but I think it’s just a quirk and not a red flag.
If I had something to hide, I certainly wouldn’t pull out my hit list and start reciting stats. It’s actually neat that she trusts you with the fact that she keeps this thing, when she could have just lied about it and kept it to herself.
I think it’s fine. Whether it’s because she likes data, or helps memory. It certainly is a private list. Perhaps if you develop a long term relationship she might share more. She obviously doesn’t feel negatively about having notes, as that info was shared easily. It’s only weird if you make it weird dude.
While having a list of romantic encounters seems to be very strange, perhaps she has had alot of ” potential partners ” she could be embarrassed ( although I doubt it since she made the list and then told you about it )
Personally, I find it a little immature and it is obvious she wants to keep this information private.
Idk, I’m not a medical professional but it sounds like OCD
My girlfriend has a spreadsheet that has detailed information about everyone she has ever dated. Every date, sexual act, when they break up and why, what that eat, allergies, clothing sizes, it’s intense. she never forgets an anniversary, birthday, or anything really.
I hate to be that guy but the double standard on this sub is absolutely mental. If this was a woman talking about her boyfriend the comments would be calling the guy a perv and a creep and urging the OP to break up.
It’s weird and immature behaviour keeping an extensive list. Does she get off on it or treat it like a virtual trophy system??
Yes. It’s at best incredibly childish.
I don’t know if any other comments have mentioned this but there was a tiktok trend like this where people would do PowerPoints about different parts of their lives to wrap up the year. I saw some on dating (e.g. how many dates how many led to a hook up how many ghosted etc) to how many times they cried and what about to even it’s flair ups. I do think people can have a tendency to overshare on the Internet but maybe seeing one of these or something similar prompted your partner to do the same and maybe her and her friends did this together as a silly new year thing.
I might find it strange but unless she was keeping it as a way to insult or judge the people she’s been with or anything else nefarious I’d see it as pretty harmless.
>She also mentioned how she made a PowerPoint presentation about her dating history as well.
Bruh
Personally I wouldn’t be happy about going as far as a PowerPoint presentation. It gives me vibes of someone who would share way too much with her friends, as well as comes off a bit creepy to care about that much detail. As for hiding the phone, that’s not weird in itself, but it also isn’t weird for that to raise suspicion either.
Ultimately if she doesn’t violate your privacy and you are the uninterrupted last chronological entry on the list, it’s not inherently bad. If she acts shady in any other way though, this becomes suspicious.
This sounds like a woman who was single for a bit and having a good time. It’s essentially a journal to remember sexual experiences. Which is something worth remembering, that you don’t want to forget with time.
The PowerPoint is undoubtedly a joke she shared with friends. I have friends who have been single women for some time and have done similar things, showing off your roster to your girlfriends. I wouldn’t take it seriously.
Also, if you are sleeping around a bit, having a list of names in one place could be a good idea, sexual health wise. If you get an STD, you need to contact previous partners.
It sounds like you are mostly bothered because it’s a private note and she wouldn’t share it with you or let you see it, even though you have showed her private things. However, showing someone private things about yourself is not a contract that they must do the same. You showed her because you felt comfortable and wanted to provide her with insights about yourself. You’ve only been together a couple of months and she may not feel that level of comfort yet. Additionally, I’m guessing the private things you showed her was not a detailed list of your sexual history. Did you really want to read that 2 years ago, she wrote down that some guy she dated for a month gave her the best head ever or about the first time she tried anal with an ex? I’m guessing that wouldn’t be something you want to read or she wants to share.
Leave this be. If y’all are serious about each other, the list will fade into one of those things she kept when she was in her hot girl summer era.
She most likely wrote something about you that she doesn’t want you to see.
While not usual it’s not really unusual. Some people are just analytical and like data, therefore they have sex data.
I used to have sex data. I had a document for every encounter and it helped me to be honest about experiences. My future husband found it early in our relationship while I was traveling abroad and THAT was a tough time for him. He hadn’t been with anyone else other than me and seeing that detail was tough for him, he compared himself (and glossed over that fact he got the best ratings), and was just really put out by it. I never made another entry.
But man do I wish I had 20 years of sex data with him for my own brain fun time.
I wouldn’t be concerned that she hid it, honestly, unless there are entries that prove she was unfaithful. I don’t share logs of my calorie counters or my period app or my errands list in general. People use data for different things. Just talk to her about it.
It’s a little weird but not a big deal. Kind of like a diary. I see no problem with any gender doing this as long as it’s not being rated and shared with friends.
I’d this weird? I have a list of all the people I’ve done anything more than make out with, and usually a memorable descriptor, and what age I was when we hooked up first. After 10 it was hard to keep track 🤷🏼
A little odd but really not that weird!
I don’t have as much detail but I definitely have a list of guys I’ve hooked up with so I can remember them.
This is also a mini trend that’s going on with girls, specifically the presentation part (on Tik Tok). Some girlfriends got together recently and each did a presentation on their red flags and guys they’ve hooked up with! It’s rooted in fun and calling oneself out. I really don’t personally think it’s a big deal, especially if it’s private and just for her own reference. It’s harmless and it’s not like she’s sharing the presentation publicly and creating privacy concerns.
I think it’s more strange people on this post making her out to be crazy or trying to diagnose her (what a strange thing to do). Again this is a trend among women on the internet making PowerPoints about their lives (how it started I don’t know, but it’s harmless fun that plays on a usually professional software).
It’s definitely weird and I don’t understand why anyone would need to keep a list like that, but it seems pretty harmless to me.
It’s fucking gross, but not as gross as the double standard on this sub that it’s okay for women to do this but not men.
How do you like being reduced to a row in a spreadsheet?
ur a an insecure bigot. go get your weekly social ed.