Me and a collegue (and best friend) of mine, went recently for a 3 day vacation, ended up with me confessing my attraction to her.
BACKGROUND: we met 2 and a half Years ago, and immediatly bonded with a great friendship. We had similar broke-ups (10 Years long relationships, both of us) and this helped us become very close, to the point I helped her with personal and family issues, lended her money with no problem, not even asking for it back.. And I always knew, she had my back too.
I told her my feelings for her, which I started to develop some months ago, and I started to look at things differently. I told her the truth, which was I feared of losing her by opening up.
She told me she noticed, and always tried to “dose her words and actions” because, at the end of the day, I am the most important person in her life, and she absolutely doesn’t want to hurt or lose me.
The whole trip back by car, I talked to her making her understand I don’t want to lose what we already have, and PROMISING it won’t ever happen, no matter how things are going between us. She made me swear on her life on this. And I did. Then I told her that I think this amazing friendship and complicity we Have, could naturally evolve into something unique and healthy for the both of us.
We got home, I helped her with baggage, we got back to the car, she gave me an amazingly long hug.. And then reached for my shoulders and SHE KISSED ME.
This was two days ago.
I know for a fact yesterday she was extremely busy with work and family stuff, so we didn’t have that much time nor conversation. I brought her Chicken Nuggets out of our workplace, since I am not working until Sat 19th (when we shall see each other to a bday party after work). Then we hugged and she offered me her cheek for a kiss and we went our homes. I heard from her in the evening, when she woke up for dinner (she collapsed on the sofa in the afternoon) and that’s that.
Today I received a message the moment she woke up, then nothing until lunchtime, when she wrote me she was having issues helping a collegue on her 2nd job. And now I am here.
I admit, I am a SEVERE overthinker, and I find myself in extreme discomfort right now, not having any contact nor basic conversation… I keep wonder.. What if I ruined my best relationship ever? I absolutely adore her, and I talked to her LITERALLY with my Heart in hand, and I am sure she noticed otherwise I couldn’t explain her kiss.
I am in extreme fear now. I don’t Know what to do until Saturday.
8 comments
It is good to read a positive story (even though you are worrying) on here after so many depressing ones. I am jealous. We are very similar and I tend to overthink things as well. This has killed a few potential relationships on the spot. Most importantly be patient. I know it is hard and you get excited. I do it too. You may have been friends for a long time but if this is going to be a romantic relationship then it is kind of like starting over. Talk to her like normal and maybe ask her out after the party.
Just calm down. Take your mind off of things. If you make the friendship part of your relationship weird then there most likely wont be a romantic part.
What type of kiss was it if I may ask?
Shitty spot tbh, being in love with your best friend is so typical yet always difficult situation. The thing is, it will be extremely difficult to move on from her. And yea it may “evolve into something healthy”, but more likely it will kill you inside, at the very latest if she’s starting seriously dating someone else. Because even if you’re great friends there will be another person that at some point will encroach on your position as confidant and obviously much more of what you’d like to be.
She was clearly attracted to you and cherishing this possibility.
She may be going through turmoil herself. Be the rock emotionally (not unfeeling, just stable) – and her attraction towards you will skyrocket; be anxious and second-guess yourself, and watch both her attraction and your friendship die.
You stepped up – congrats. You’re in uncharted territory for both of you, keep stepping up until you’re on the other side of it. Good luck, friend
Has the communication changed from what it was before? (Has it gotten worse?)
My guess is that she’s acting the same but you’re anxious because you guys haven’t had a chance to talk things through yet. I think you’re good, she wouldn’t have kissed you if she wasn’t interested. 🙂
Honestly it’s sounds like you are in a favorable position. Just sloowww down your thoughts and keep doing what you been doing.
I think you need to step back from this. You are infatuated with her and now your anxiety is ramping up because you are so close to what you have always wanted but might loose her. She’s not as great as you think, you’re still in the honeymoon phase. That doesn’t mean she isn’t wonderful, but getting to truly know a person will bring you down to reality and also stabilize your mental state to where you can calm down. In terms of her not getting back to you quickly via text, that is killer because of your current state of mind. The thing is though, you want to keep things even keel. You each still need to remain your own person while getting to know each other more and more. You’ve built this woman up in your mind to be the end all be all, but unfortunately you both have to want each other in the same way for this to work. I would recommended having a blunt conversation with her to define the relationship (DTR) but it sounds like you’ve already discussed it at length with her and still feel a slight sense of ambiguity about the whole thing. No?
What a wonderful development! So happy for you. Actually I’m in a similar situation from the girl’s side. I met up with my love-interest (same idea as yours) recently and we’re friends but perhaps more but no conversation has happened yet. I really really like him (and he likes me too). But in the span of a day a lot happened at work and in my social life and it took me 12 hours to respond to his texts. Granted, I could have probably responded earlier, but I wanted to give my responses the thought and time that I felt he deserved. I think don’t overthink (haha). I really adore this guy but haven’t been able to text him too much because of life. It just means that when we are together I will be much more present 🙂 Maybe she is thinking in a similar way. Taking her time, because this is something valuable to her and wants to handle you in the way that you deserve.
You’ve escalated, good job. Now don’t pressure both of you for further escalation. More or less, just be kissing friends and escalate gradually. Give her some room for desire, and instead of pushing for more conversation, just use actions and let her bring it up.