How am I supposed to feel? My fiancé(f) decided to institute a time limit when I was starting to go down on her tonight. “you got five minutes,” was what she said… I’m not really sure how to feel about this? (This was supposed to be foreplay.) I immediately took offense and rolled over…

32 comments

  6. So with your response about she initiated and about the perfect number of orgasms, what I’m hearing isn’t a reluctant “get it in and get it over with” but more of a “I don’t want to get spent too quickly.” I can definitely see how in this situation I might’ve felt put off or rejected thinking “I’m doing this activity that’s focused on you and your pleasure” with how she stated the time limit feeling like my partner didn’t want or appreciate it on her side, or that I wasn’t providing pleasure on my side.

    So with those inferences, I can understand your reaction of pulling the ripcord by rolling over. Might have been a little better served by saying “If you’re not feeling it, I/we don’t have to do this.” Just how she might’ve been better served by elaborating “I just want to come once from oral” or “I’m not ready/I don’t want to orgasm yet, I want to orgasm with you.”

    Have the conversation in the morning, outside of sexy times and places. I’m assuming y’all like each other and want your sexy times to be mutually pleasurable. So remember that going into the conversation. You’re on the same team, it’s not you vs her and who was right, it’s both of you trying to figure out what’s most pleasurable for each of you as individuals and together.

  8. I can see why her comment would be offensive, and I understand the comments on here of people thinking she was being rude – but, there seems to be context missing. For example, her tone of voice and body language. Was she annoyed with you? Being playful?

    Her response was she didn’t want to use up all her orgasms – I’m not entirely sure what she meant by this, but it could be interpreted several ways.

    Personally, I don’t cum from oral. But if I did – I would *not* prefer to cum from oral before PIV. I know *a lot* of women like to, and *a lot* of guys like their female partners to have orgasms from oral before they start having PIV intercourse – but for me personally, I’m a big “no thank you” on that.

    I’m *mostly* a one-and-done kinda gal, so if I have an orgasm, that’s it for me. I want to roll over and go to sleep. I’ll keep going, but my energy and enthusiasm level declines drastically, which isn’t on purpose. It’s just kind of what happens. So for me, it’s best if I don’t cum until the end, basically with my partner or right after.

    I agree that what your fiancée said was a poor choice – and maybe she *was* being rude and inappropriate. But, you said she initiated the sexual interaction, so it’s unlikely she just wasn’t in the mood.

    People can jump to all sorts of conclusions when they try to guess or assume what’s going on in someone else’s mind. That’s *usually* a mistake. Letting her cool off is a good idea, but I would try talking to her with non-judgment and curiosity to better understand where she was coming from and what she meant.

    If she left the interaction mad at you, it’s possible you offended her when you rolled over and stopped everything (which wasn’t wrong). But now you may have a case of two people being offended and upset with each other because of a misunderstanding. Hopefully that’s all it is…. Once you figure it out, the best case scenario would be to learn how to communicate better in the future.

    EDIT: nobody can tell you how you’re supposed to feel, especially when they don’t know the full story. even more reason why you should take this matter to your fiancée and not take the word of random people from Reddit. They may be right, but they may also be really wrong.

  9. Did she mean just for the oral or for everything? I mean if I’m not really in the mood I’m at least nice and say I’m not really in the mood but your welcome to use me like a sex toy. Usually I get into after a couple minutes anyway

  10. Lol, did you ask her to clarify?
    At this point everyone in the comments is just rolling with assumptions. Your best bet is to communicate directly with her. This would be a silly thing to call off a wedding about.

  13. Not enough context. I’d take it as a challenge personally but I know what my girl would mean when said.

  14. I actually can’t understand why the comments are straight away jumping to “dump her.” What the actual fuck Reddit? I don’t even understand why someone would take offence to this.

    Also, OP, just communicate with your partner and ask, she probably has no idea why you even rolled over. I don’t think it’s that weird to set a time limit, oral is SUPER overstimulating, I personally couldn’t go for more than 5 mins without it hurting. And if my partner tried to punish me by ignoring me when I asked to not go over 5 mins, I’d feel like they don’t actually care about me and are using me as some sort of sexual object. Like as soon as it’s even suggested she maybe doesn’t like something, or doesn’t like it for an extended period of time, you get pissed? Like what?

    Compromise is a thing, I don’t really like receiving oral, my partner loves giving it, so we find a compromise. He doesn’t get mad at me for not liking it as much as he does. He doesn’t feel disrespected that I can only handle it for 5 mins instead of 20 because he understands I’m a human being and not a toy.

  18. Sometimes my wife will only let me go down for a minute or so and just wants me to be inside her… but as others said more context needed

  20. Get a girlfriend. It really helps keep you not as emotional and angry when your wife/ fiancé acts up

  23. She definitely missed the boat on reading the room. If you both were wanting that it would make sense and could potentially be very fun. But she definitely dropped the ball there. -former athlete and sometimes time was not on our side, and sometimes this was just done because the person I am thinking of and I had very competitive natures. And we loved it. But not something I do with all dates.

  24. Just take it in stride, my dude.

    It could be she doesn’t like oral. Or maybe you have room to improve. Don’t quit oral on her, unless she says she doesn’t want it at all.

    Read “She Comes First”, it should give good ideas about improving.

    Like I said, though, some women honestly aren’t going to like any oral at all, and are humoring their partners.

  25. She may have instituted the ‘five-minute window’ knowing that if it hasn’t happened for her in that time (i.e. she hasn’t orgasmed), it just isn’t going to, and you need to move onto something else. Oral sex can become uncomfortable for some, if it goes on too long; you might want to ask her if this is the case.

    Honestly, if you had questions about how she expressed herself, or what she actually meant, *you should have asked her*. Rolling over just shuts the door to communication

  26. Challenge accepted. After 5 minutes, you’ll beg for more, or before 5 minutes, you’ll beg me to stop.
    Either way, I’m having fun for at least 5 minutes.

  28. The question is : was it like “you got five minutes to get me off” (kinda mean) or “you’ve got five minutes because that’s all I can handle” (either it’s too intense, she’s not into it, or has another reason, like me)?

    I have a genetic disease of my bikini area skin called lichen sclerosis. It doesn’t affect ANYTHING except that my skin turns paper white sometimes and my skin tears easily when it flares up. I like oral but can only tolerate a few minutes because it leaves my skin very very tender.

    I think it’s worth asking what her intention was before you get hurt about it.

  29. She will be telling you what to do and laying do the law forever. Run!! Run Now!!!!

  32. This sounds like something to figure out before getting married.

    My first thought was that she’s into power dynamics. That or she doesn’t want to pretend you are good at oral. Either way you need to sort this out while you can break up without hiring lawyers.

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