Have I ruined any chances of dating/marrying someone by seeing escorts in the past?

49 comments

1. I wouldn’t tell them. It’s one of those things you got to just take to the grave unless ur rich then it doesn’t matter. Technically there’s nothing wrong with it but it’s just looked at crazy if you can’t get it from anywhere else, so I would just keep it a secret.

2. Uhm. I hate this world for allowing men to pay for sex. You can’t buy consent. That is what many (basically all) girls will run away from.

   I get that you were lonely. But you should have spent more time with friends, family, maybe even buying a pet. But paying women so that you can use their bodies? Disgusting.

   No woman (or man for that part) sells sex because they “simply likes sex”, no they do it so that they can afford to survive. Or because they’re forced into it. Do us all a favour and google “sex trafficking”, and read. Read, learn and do better from now on. And be honest with any girls you might date in the future. Let them decide if they want to continue seeing you or not.

   Paying for sex is basically paying to be “allowed” to rape someone.

3. Unfortunately this is one of those things that is going to turn into a hard no for a good amount of people. It doesn’t really matter how progressive or pro sex work someone is, the reality is that most people are going to have a natural aversion to being with someone who has also been with a sex worker. A guy from my college fucked a bunch of hookers overseas when he studied abroad and it got out when he returned, it completely ruined his sex life and no women wanted to touch him even though he was tested and all that. I’m just being honest with you.

   Whether or not you are upfront about it is up to you. I’m not going to tell you to lie because I don’t condone that, but unless someone directly asks you if you’ve been with a sex worker then *technically* you don’t have to just blurt it out. It’s your call. I would say once you start dating someone, before you have sex, bring it up and explain *why* you did it rather than just say you did it. I think a fair amount of people will be understanding of the loneliness aspect of it, and then you won’t have to deal with the guilt of hiding it. It’s either that or you keep it to yourself. If you do plan on telling women about it then I would really strongly push you to do it before you sleep with them, otherwise they might freak out about it afterwards.

4. Well don’t fking share it with people Wtf.

   But I will tell u tho. Because u see escorts. It makes u less skilled to attract women organically.

5. I don’t know man. I’m in the same boat with you. Started seeing sex workers at 24. I’m 37 now and haven’t had a legit girlfriend/relationship ever. 😔

6. Dude, just fucking lie. I promise you, nobody needs to know everything. Or just say a one night stand with a woman from your past. Also your friends are liars or weirdos because what you did is not normal, it’s understandable, but not normal.

7. There’s no need to tell any future partners the details unless they specifically ask. And if they do ask they deserve the response because it’s one of those questions you shouldn’t ask unless you’re willing to hear the honest answer.

   And funnily enough it’s guaranteed that a lot of the women for whom this is a dealbreaker have or are currently dating men who have done just that, they just haven’t been honest about it.

8. You probably don’t need to tell your future partners about your four- year prostitute binge.

9. Women will not be asking you if you’re a virgin. Mostly women will assume you are not a virgin. If she asks about your sexual history, say something vague, like I had a few short term relationships. I’d be more worried about your lovemaking skills. If you’ve only been with paid sex workers you might have inappropriate expectations of a romantic partner, and not know how to sexually satisfy a woman. I’m also worried about why you’ve never had any experience. Have you asked any friends what you’re doing to put women off?

10. This is something you keep to yourself. If they ask that you’re a virgin, lie! It’ll make you look better since you have the experience. Get tested annually to make sure you haven’t caught anything but def don’t do it again! This will not go well with any female you share this with I can promise you that. You did the deed, live with it but don’t disclose it.

11. Hm, I’m a bit surprised with all these comments telling you to lie. Not sure whether they are all from a male perspective. Personally, I wouldn’t find it a dealbreaker (I’m a woman). If I would get to know someone better and we would really start to talk about sexual experiences, I would find it interesting that you chose to hire escorts. I wouldn’t immediately judge, you had your reasons. I don’t see a big diff in a guy hooking up with 7 girls and a guy paying for them, it was pure sexual anyways and in your case you even paid for it so you didn’t mess with people’s feelings or whatever ppl do nowadays to get laid. Anyways, I think lying is not necessary, it’s not like you committed a crime. Yes, a group of people might dislike it, but the right person for you wouldn’t mind. But do ask them to keep it to themselves, as it’s not something the world has to know (or your future in-laws ;)) Wish you the best!

12. Just keep it to yourself. Most women will never understand

13. Fuck that all woman cost money some how you can flat out pay them or your gonna tale them out and spend money on them and there’s a possibility you won’t even get any which is even more fucked up . Unless they mean something to you you’ll take that loss cause they mean some thing to you . So don’t mention you paid to fuck them. Females got no feelings I recently learned that

14. No. But literally never ever admit that to a woman.

15. No one’s business
    You’ll be fine

16. I didn’t exchange cash for my first time at 20[F], but I did pay for a Trans-Atlantic flight, as a college student, to lose my virginity to a man. Has not stopped me from pursuing (local) men and enjoying some success.

17. I’ve been with over 100 escorts. But I’ve never had a relationship either.

18. Nobody needs to know the specifics. You’ve been with 7 ladies?? Dude you’re a stud!!

19. This is not information to share when getting to know someone but could be shared once in a committed relationship. For me, I wouldn’t care as much if it was in your past and you were safe about it.

    As far as current success: improve your hygiene, fashion, and social skills. Don’t change your values or hobbies, but a good haircut, deodorant, and clothes that fit well make a big difference.

20. You’ll be fine, you’re beating yourself up over seeing an escort, now as long as you respected the girl you saw, you paid her the amount you agreed on and you used a rubber, and you didn’t do anything she didn’t want you to do. It’s fine. It’s an agreement between two adult people and if she’s doing it for a living then that’s her choice and her business.

    Just as it’s only your business, at your age no girl you date is going to ask if you’re a Virgin. I’ve slept with a girl I used to work with and she has literally had more roots then I’ve had hot meals. So if a girl sleeps with everything that moves it’s okay, but if a guy pays for it and respects the boundaries of the lady he’s seeing it’s horrible and wrong.

    Just letting you know, I’ve seen a few working girls in the past and always been respectful to them and never tried to cheat them. And now I’m dating a girl for the last few months. Leave it in the past and move on.

    There’s some really bad fucking people out there man and from what I’ve just read, you’re not one of them.

21. Keeps this one to yourself. You will most likely sabotage any relationship you ever get in if you divulge this.

22. “Have I ruined any chances of dating/marrying someone by seeing escorts in the past?”

    ” I’m 26, and I still haven’t had a girlfriend or my first kiss. And the only reason I’m not a virgin anymore is because of the arrangements mentioned above…”

    ” One day, maybe a girl will ask me if I’m a virgin, and I’m one who believes in full communication so I don’t wanna lie.”

    First of all, your sexual history has nothing to do with whether you fall in love or get married.

    You didn’t have any girlfriends while you were in high school *before* you sought escorts!

    Secondly, you are almost 30, very few if any women are going to ask *if you* are virgin.

    Most people would assume any guy in his mid-late 20s has had sex.

    You are overthinking the whole escort past. No one is going to know unless *you* tell them.

    This is just another convenient *excuse in your mind* to explain why you’re not finding anyone.

    You stated you’ve had no luck pursuing women in any other scenario including online dating. Clearly those women who rejected you knew *nothing* about your past.

    So, it must be how you are approaching them, which ones you are approaching, your appearance, personality/demeanor, body type, fashion style, or sense of humor that is the issue. You might want to ask your friends *especially your platonic female friends* why they think you are having dating challenges?

    (A lot of people want change in their life *without* making a change.)

    They would rather fish on dryland than head out to sea!

    If you want something different, *you* have to *do* something different.

    Maybe you should focus on expanding your network of single friends. Generally speaking, the more friends one has the more parties, events, and social gatherings they are invited to.

    Consider befriending a guy who is doing well in the dating scene and become his “wingman” when going out to nightclubs/dance clubs/parties as many women in their 20s go out in pairs.

    Join some hobby/interest groups on Meetup or single networking groups in LinkedIn, participate in team building exercises and after work activities sponsored by your employer.

    Make having *fun* your main priority. Co-host a party or event with some close friends.

    People who seem to be enjoying life and having fun tend to attract others into their orbit.

    ***”Every saint has a past, every sinner has a future.”*** – Oscar Wilde

    ***”Dating is primarily a numbers game…. People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That’s just the way it is.”*** – Henry Cloud

    Best wishes!

23. I wouldn’t ever volunteer the information, I would just say you had one-time flings (and just not mention money being involved), you would still he telling the truth.

    Most people still attach a stigma with sex workers and will judge.

24. If you lie, just know things come around, full circle.

25. Depends. If you say it on a first date, of course its going to f up a potential date. You dont have to lie, you just dont have to go into specifics. if you get to know her better, and its looking good and she likes you, and you want her to know, you can explain why you chose to hire a girl. I wouldnt necessarily say you only had smex with escorts, i think some details can be left alone. I dont think girls are going to be super honest about how many guys and when and under what circumstances they banged either

    I get you bro. The thing is, and its a shame, its much easier for girls to get laid when they want. They can just go to a bar and boom, some guy will definitely go for it… for guys its not so easy…. you cant just go (usually) and get laid so easily. the only difference is you pay for it (and that hooker probably had like 100+ dudes before you). Its unfair but it is what it is.

    Anyway what you did is understandable, but you dont have to go around telling details. You dont have to lie, just keep the details to yourself. gl bro

26. I don’t think that you should lie. I personally would not want a man who has been with an escort, but I think that if you explain why you were drawn to that, there will be women out there who will not see it as a dealbreaker

27. I think you should go to therapy for this

28. It will totally depend on your partner. I don’t think there is a one sized fits most answer here. Personally, I wouldn’t love it but might understand for the right guy. Some women wouldn’t care at all and some it would be a deal breaker

29. That’s your personal business. If you feel ashamed of it then just keep it to yourself. Other people don’t have to know absolutely everything. You have to do what you feel comfortable with. In addition, don’t assume how a woman will think about it. People have all different opinions about everything. This life is your journey and we do what we do for reasons that are personal and maybe difficult for other people to understand.

30. It’s not the escorts- it’s your lack of self confidence

    “The only way I’m getting laid is through this escort” bro.. believe in yourself a little bit, turn the escorts into one night stands at a bar and you’ll be fine.

31. As a woman, this isn’t something I’d be happy with but I also would never ask someone about it so it wouldn’t come up. It is none of my business how many sexual partners someone I am dating has had in the past or who they were as long as that person is currently clean and we are on the same page with what are current relationship is, whether that be casual or exclusive and not sleeping around, etc.

32. I think this is something you keep yourself. In the future when you have a solid relationship with someone you love and trust then maybe, up to you. But some secrets should stay secrets.

33. Don’t lie. If it comes out later then your partner even if she would have forgiven you or not care, would end up hating for lying. It’s better to not have a gf then have a gf then loosing it. It would be difficult for your to find gf but at least you won’t have to live on a panic mode that she might one day find out your truth.

    All the comments telling you to lie is exactly why there are so many trust issues in the relationship.

34. In the same way a lot of men don’t want to date onlyfans girls I (as a woman) would not want to date someone who’s used prostitutes and escorts. The thing is is nobody can really google this out of you unlike the onlyfans situation. But if I found out the guy I was dating used prostitutes I would feel dirty and leave. Not that sex workers are dirty but if he paid for women then I feel like he wouldn’t see more in me either.

35. As a woman I don’t care about your past sexual history. People who get escorts aren’t bad people either.

36. When you are really really close with somebody you can tell them. Until then it’s nobody’s business but yours who you have had sex with. Visa versa.

37. Some people would care but tbh there are a lot of jerks out there and if I found someone I gives with, I wouldn’t give a flying duck about what you did. Especially since it’s a one off, not like your some creep who has a habit of making trips to Thailand to exploit underage girls. I’d say anyone who would care that much is more a prude than I would want to hang out with. Good luck 😉

38. I think it depends on the woman and how old they are. As you get older people have been around more and care less about these things. So hurt your dating life I’d say yes but doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be alone forever.

39. You have to just lie, it is not a wise move to admit this

40. Relax champ, most girls are hookers anyway but are too proud to recognise it. They get you you pay for this amd that, take them around here and there and string you along, bold face lie to you about how many guys theyve slept with and what kinks theyve done. You idolise women too much.
    Dont feel obliged to vulunteer anything to them. You’ll be fine. If its still a struggle, think about moving to another place to live.

41. Hey man, unless you got an std, this is something you don’t really need to talk about. If the conversation about how you lost your virginity ever comes up, just say it was a one night stand and you don’t remember a lot because you were drunk. Or whatever else you feel like making up about it.

    This is something you save to talk about/discuss with your close friends, not a potential date/gf/wife, as someone around here already said, a lot of people already have a negative predisposition towards being intimate with someone that’s been with a SWer and that’s a private detail about your life that you don’t have to share if you don’t want to.

42. I’ve had women pass over me for this very reason. People tell me I should just lie but I’m a very honest person. I guess it’s a deal breaker for a lot of women so it might be best to just hope a convo of past relationships don’t get brought up

43. No, do not, repeat do not tell future girlfriends you slept with escorts. If she ever asks you later in your relationship, then you will have to make a decision. Bottom line, don’t say anything. ..

44. The truth will come out eventually, sometimes it’s a drunken statement you spewed as part of an amusing story. Some uneasiness about certain things will merit investigation on her part, plus your inherent guilt about the whole thing is already making you worried. Will it limit your dating options? Yes. Is it 100% fatal to your dating life? No. There’s always some people who run against the grain and stuff like this won’t bother them. Those are the ones you have a chance with. If you take to lying to any woman to get her in a relationship with you, she will find out she’s been lied to eventually. The longer it goes on, the more betrayed she’s going to feel. People have left marriages and long-term relationships spanning decades over a lie that was told to cover up a dealbreaker for that person. You chose the behavior, and now you must deal with the consequences of that behavior, whether you like it or not. Some will be able to look past this, some will not. Just keep trying your luck and maybe one day, you’ll find that someone you’re looking for.

45. You’re too wrapped in your own head.

    What do you think has been the road block?

46. Maybe I’m weird but this isn’t something that would bother me at all as long as a). The avenues you took /people you saw weren’t being sex trafficked b). This did not continue once we were exclusive. Honestly it’s better than being a fuckboy lol

47. It sounds like the only negative about it is you’re in your own head worrying too much.

    IMO be honest. If it comes up and they ask who your past sexual partners are to you, just say, look, honestly, they were escorts.

48. I think that’s ridiculous. I mean it might be a red flag for some women, but I think for insecure women not for all women I wouldn’t care personally especially if you explain your reasons why. I don’t have a problem with it. Just be honest, don’t hide it I mean you have to share about it on the first date. It’s when we lie about things when we keep things hidden just be who you are it’s not a deal who cares and the people who do care aren’t the people you wanna date or the people who you wanna have in your life Move on and find someone else. No you have not ruined your chances. At least not in my opinion. To state that you have would act like or to state that the people you dated or second class citizens or don’t count as people, so how or what you did was wrong, how could it be wrong. It’s like when men Act like it’s wrong when women have had sex with or had more than one guy they dated. There’s nothing wrong with that either. I mean everybody’s entitled to their opinion, but those aren’t the guys that the women should be dating right? I don’t know I just think we need to find our tribe and not worry about the ones who don’t relate to find different people. There’s lots of people out there you’ll find them.

49. Do not lie. Women find out everything. If you lie and a girl you like m finds out later down the line it will be worse. It should be said as an opening line.

    Normal people will forgive your past if they like you, if you lie they will leave.