My computer broke so since my husband never uses his, I asked if I could. We blended our families a couple of years ago. He has two and I have two. His boys’ best friend is online with them all day every day. This ties in to what I found.
A couple years before we met, he was fooling around with his kids best friend’s mom. I only just found this out minutes ago while trying to find some baby pictures of his boys to print for our family wall. There were naked pictures of her on there.
She’s married and has two kids and is also good friends with my husband’s ex wife as, like I said before, their children are best friends.
I asked him if he had an affair with her and he fessed up but now I feel gross and can’t stand that this happened. Makes me wonder what else has happened in his past. I know it’s his past but goddamn… at least delete that shit. What if his 10 year old kids saw that? I already feel like I view him differently. I always thought he was a decent man. Guess fucking around with another man’s wife and his kids’ best friend’s Mom is OK with him and his morals, though.
Grossed the f out over here.
23 comments
I think you have every right to feel the way you do. But we all have things in our past we aren’t proud of. I think you need to definitely have a conversation with him about how sloppy he is though. Keeping the pictures and leaving them accessible is the problem.
I’m sorry that you’re in this situation. You have every right to question who your husband is at his core after finding this out.
There’s a moral issue and a practical one. How certain can you be that it hasn’t happened again in *your* time?
Just for the record, you didn’t date him until he and you were either not married or legally divorced, right?
It is the past…..
I mean I’m aware that my husband existed before we got together but that doesn’t mean I want to hear about it. He should have deleted those pictures a long time ago out of respect for you and your relationship
You know people say the past is the past.
However, if you find out something like this, it should rock you to some degree.
I too would feel like you if I found out my wife had previously cheated on a marriage. It would make me question her whole character. Not to mention he did it with another married woman, so it’s not like he can even say he was in the middle of divorce, because his affair partner wasn’t!
I completely understand where you are coming from. You’re questioning his character and what else you don’t know about him. At least that’s what it sounds like to me. You will probably really have to talk this through with him. Honestly, I’d want him to completely limit his contact with her. Although you said you don’t think he’d cheat on you, I’d question their interactions since you two became exclusive and I’d want an understanding how that relationship developed and how it ended.
Just right click on the picture or video. Select Properties. It will show you the date the files were taken. On a mac it is “get info”.
If before your time tell him to hide them better.
It is bad regardless, but my questions are, was he married at the time, how long ago was it and how old was he when he did it?
It shows a lot about his character that he knew she was married and still had sex with her. I would be questioning my entire marriage if I found this out about my husband. I would suggest sitting down with him and letting him know how much you are disturbed by his values and see what he says.
What’s his interaction with kiddo’s best friend’s mom now?
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This would be the end of my marriage.
When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.
We let people out of jail after serving a sentence, but we never forgive anyone for past indiscretions. Like, seriously people are never allowed to grow and change. You chose this man for better or for worse, but you really just meant better.
If he did that to his friend, What do you think he’ll do to you ? Especially if your kids are friends ?
I would send the husband an anonymous message telling him.
The most telling thing is how he reacts to you when you bring this up. If he cannot understand your point of view and/or does not show genuine remorse, that’s a red flag. I can see how he may be defensive at first and want to explain how her husband sucks. But if he cannot also admit that his action has some negative consequences and that it’s not a great idea with kids involved, etc etc, then…
Possibly had something to do with why he and his ex wife divorced. What do u think? 🫢
I guess a good way to see how he feels about her is.
“I’d appreciate it, if you could delete that and anything else that you had forgotten about”
A nice neutral tone, that also sets a boundary of acceptance.
His actions will reveal his character.
There’s a very large screw up still out there in the world that your husband needs to fess up to.
This would be the absolute base condition of moving forward. You can’t keep this skeleton in the closet.
I’m sure at some point this question came up while dating, did he lie about it? “Have you ever cheated on anyone while in a relationship or slept with a married person?”
This is rich. For a subreddit who LOVES to tell folks “the past is the past” and that “it was before your time, don’t worry about it” y’all sure are singing a different tune.
Fwiw, i think people’s past can tell you a lot about them and what type of person they are. I also think past performance isn’t indicative of future results
The main question is, was he married to his ex wife when he had this rendezvous with the other lady?
Uhm, either he is super careless, tech idiot, forgetful, or actually wanted to keep those pictures.
His past history is his past as you already acknowledged, but this is a bit worse in many ways and I don’t blame you for feeling grossed out by your recent discovery. Will note that it takes 2 to tango, so there is something also off about the friend’s mom.
If you want to work through this in your marriage, you probably need a counselor to unpackage the full extent of this and figure out how to move forward with assurances, if that means anything to you.