My (22f) Boyfriend (23m) did something unforgivable?

This is a burner account because I know he’s on Reddit but honestly this is so specific if he reads this he’ll know it’s about us.

So if he does find this I guess he’ll know how I really feel.

So I just found out my boyfriend has given me scabies.

He was itching really bad when I went to see him 2 weeks ago and I asked him what it was. He brushed it off and said it was likely nothing but joked that his flatmate mentioned there’s been a scabies outbreak in the area. I was trying not to freak out but I think he sensed that and back peddled saying he has seen a pharmacist and that they said it was dermatitis. Maybe I’m naive but with the little information I had I believed my boyfriend because, like why would he lie to me? Anyways a while later I start itching too but since we’re long distance and I live at home with my family I don’t even connect the two because as far as I’m aware his thing is dermatitis and is long gone by now. He was aware that I had started itching. He said/did nothing at the time.

So anyway I’ve exhausted all other options of what it could be (bedbugs, mosquitoes, allergies, dry skin) so I text him today just to see if he’s still itching and if the two are connected. That’s the icing on the cake for me. The fact that I had to message HIM. That brings us right up to the text exchange that followed.

Apparently he got it from his house mate and apparently he only found out this morning. I know it’s not exclusively an STD but that is the main method of transmission among adults. Yesterday I didn’t feel like he would every cheat on me but hey I guess anything is possible.

After he told me he said he was sorry and that he knows it’s gross but that you just treat it with a cream from the pharmacy. As if that makes it all fine

I just said I needed space and started writing down how I felt in my notes. I wrote it in a way that addresses him so I can to send it as a text to him. The text gives more context so I’m hoping you can all tell me if I’m being too harsh.

Also he was probably scared to tell me because he knew I’d react like this, but that’s no excuse right? Obviously I’m going to lose my shit because I’m germaphobic.

I start with “I understand that you haven’t done this on purpose” because it’s most likely that it’s from his flatmate rather than cheating.

“I understand that you haven’t done this on purpose but that doesn’t mean that my reaction is invalid. I had a panic attack and started crying when I read that message. You know I’ve got psychological issues around bacteria and filth so it’s unsurprising that I’m having such a severe response.
It’s not just that I’m feeling gross, I don’t think you’ll understand how I’m feeling. It’s not just itching it’s like mentally I want to rip my own skin off thinking that there’s little mites crawling around on me. I can’t put it to words how this is fucking with me.

I think I’ve given it to my sister, she’s got a similar rash so now I’m in a position I don’t want to be in with having to explain something like this. It says everyone in the home has to take the treatment regardless of symptoms. How am I going to explain that to my parents? It’s basically a fucking STI.
I could still pass it to my dad, he’s having his chemo at the moment and his immune system is low.

I don’t know for sure if you’ve ever lied to me but looking back on when I came up to see you something seemed off about when I asked you what the itching was. You laughed it off and said something about [flatemate’s name] and an outbreak in the area, but that you didn’t think it was that. I obviously trusted you at your word but looking back now I wonder if you both suspected you had it but were just hoping you didn’t. How do you even get it if you’re not having skin to skin contact with someone else? Sharing unwashed towels and/or general unhygienic behaviour that would lead to contracting this is a trait in a partner that I’ve made obvious is a dealbreaker for me. I guess I’ll never know and perhaps it didn’t happen exactly like that but something is coming up dodgy for me about the whole thing. And regardless of that, still going ahead and seeing me without properly and thoroughly assessing your own situation, when scabies was even brought up as a topic of conversation between you two is not right. You didn’t make me aware or even raise it as something we would discuss. That’s not looking out for me? That’s not considering the consequences of how this would affect me. What did you think was going to happen? Maybe this would be no big deal for someone else but I can’t describe how much this has hurt me.

Not telling me immediately when he told you is a massive violation of that same trust. You said you didn’t remember and maybe that’s true, maybe you were still hoping I didn’t have it and wouldn’t need to say anything. Was it even yesterday morning that he told you? I’m seriously speculating these things because I feel like I can’t trust what you’ve said. Something doesn’t feel right.

Within days of seeing you I had itching too. You should’ve kept an eye on me.
I messaged you because I was getting concerned about what this could be, so made a doctors appointment for myself and then immediately I went to check on you. It never crossed my mind that I would have it because it didn’t cross my mind that you would still be itching and keep it from me. The fact that I had to approach you about it is the icing on the cake and I find it hard to believe that you had no idea, no suspicions, no doctors appointment, nothing, until this morning. And yet you still didn’t remember to tell me straight away. Or so you say.
That’s the kind of honesty and consideration I deserve and yet haven’t gotten from you. Despite you knowing what this would do to me. “

Thoughts on the text and the situation?

I’m happy to admit that I’m not the most stable regarding germs and overthinking so I need to hear the general opinions on the situation.