Just found out I’ll be having a boy. I didn’t grow up with brothers or have close friends that were boys so feel a bit unfamiliar with mom-son territory… Trying to learn how to be a good mom to my future son.

43 comments

  1. What’s to know? She’s my mom.

    She loved me, cared for and looked after me and taught me how to be good, caring and kind (by showing it to me and in example by showing it to others). Also endlessly patient, which is something she pressed on me as well (work hard and be patient with the things you can’t immediately change).

  2. I “love” my mother, but I don’t like her. I understand that you want to hear the “what to dos”, but I’ll reply with “what **not** to dos”.

    Don’t make fun of him and/or his hobbies.

    Don’t use ridicule as a mean to elevate yourself by lowering him. Example from life: she brings a friend home, asks whether I have finished my homework and when I reply “no” she goes “Ugh, what else can I expect from you, woe is me”. Happened multiple times.

    Don’t say “so what?” if your son gets beaten up and asks you for comfort.

    Don’t impose your own dreams on him.

    Don’t try to ridicule his girlfriend.

    Don’t yell that you should have had an abortion while swinging a knife around… because dad got some industrial foam on the fridge.

    Don’t demand that he must be your friend, especially if you have done nothing to deserve it.

  3. Well, I don’t. My mother put in a lot of effort to make sure I would never have a reason to love her. If you want to avoid that: Don’t neglect, don’t abuse your child.

  4. She was nurturing, supportive, patient, kind, and taught by example. I would absolutely kill for her if it came down to it (assuming my father doesn’t beat me to the punch). So long as you try to do what’s right by your child, you’ll be fine. You’re going to make mistakes (new parents always do), he’s going consistently throw a curveball at you (kids always do), he’s going to do things that boggle your mind (boys DO NOT act like girls, get that in your head now), but all children always have a special place in their hearts for the mother that loves them.

  6. Are there older parents (or those who have been parents for at least a few years) you know in your personal life? It wouldn’t hurt to ask them because you’ll probably get more examples of what not to do in this thread. While valuable, you *are* looking for examples of what to do.

    If you don’t know any parents it wouldn’t hurt to get involved in social groups (church was a *great* way people did this in the past, for example) where there is a diversity of ages so you have that wellspring of wisdom to draw upon. Parenting is tough enough on its own so having that experience to draw upon in real life from people you actually know and ostensibly have an actual concern to at least see you not do poorly will be a lot more useful than a single reddit thread.

    Upshot, the fact you care enough to make a thread shows you’ll probably do a better job at the whole parenting thing than our own mothers did. 🙂

  7. I love both my parents, but during childhood my dad was always working hard to put food on the table and very stern, so my mom was all the warmth, nurture, and love in my life. I was a mischievous and destructive kid, so she whooped me almost daily, but always took care of my every need, food, clothes, toys, school. Our relationship is special because, unlike with anyone else on the planet, I’ve never held a grudge against her or her against me, even for a second. I could climb on and destroy her china cabinet and she would give me a beating and a lecture, but 5 minutes later she would bring me a snack and I would forget it even happened.

    Some advice for a new boy mom
    Age 0-5: be loving, silly, and actively play with him. I loved when my mom would join in our games and horseplay. Even learned a “protective” instinct for her when my dad, my mom, and I would be rough housing all together.

    Age 6-11: supermom phase. Of course teach him to be independent and learn skills, but during these years a boy looks at his mom as someone who just gets things done. Like the world would stop turning without her. Snacks, sports, play dates, family trips, homework. He’ll take all you do for granted but will be bragging to everyone how cool his mom is. Do the same for his friends and you’ll have a set of loyal “adopted sons/nephews” for life.

    Age 12+ come with more challenges but I’m sure you’ll be a great mom!

  10. Be loving but not smothering. Be critical but not harsh. But learn once he hits his teen years he’ll probably doesn’t want to do stuff y’all did before but from someone that lost their mom young just know you’ll be needed

  11. My Mom was an unstoppable force of love and affection before she passed away in 2020. Hugs and love I’ll pass on to my son.

    She never made me feel bad for having feelings and I could tell her anything. My Mom was weird, unabashedly weird and no one could stop her from doing weird things she wanted to do. I describe her as a freight train made of pillows because she was never mean or rude when you tried to talk her out of doing whatever weird newage home renovations she wanted to like sponge painting clouds on the ceiling of the kitchen, or putting in an accordion sliding door in the dining room after converted into her massage room when she and my father divorced (she was a massage therapist) she’dn just say “well, this is what I want” and then she’d do it anyway.

    Give your son affection even if he complains about it, give him hugs and kiss him on the cheek and head, tell him you love him, and when he does wrong there’s no punishment that will compare to the feeling of having let you down. My mom never threatened anything specific like “keep doing that and you’ll be grounded” it was always “if you don’t stop I will be angry/disappointed” she never made a threat she wasn’t fully prepared to follow through with. She was always full of life and laughter and I miss my Mom everyday.

    It’s not enough to love your son, you have to make sure he knows deep in his heart that you love him through your actions, and affection.

    My mom is my role model for parenting, I make sure my son gets as much love and affection as he can handle.

  13. I love her a lot, she is probably the only person on the planet that would still love me if I became unable to support myself or her financially/emotionally. She also is the only one that truly understands that to emotionally support me, she needs to shut up and hug me, but it’s likely she’s just wired that way too, having given me half my DNA.

    Anyways the things she did wrong and you could do better.

    She should not have had me circumcised. That’s a total dick move that needs to be outlawed for minors. You’d be willfully ignorant to even consider it these days.

    Her dating advice to me was the number one contributing factor to my Nice Guy phase. “Be nice, Be yourself” is trash advice to teen boys. She should have simply told me which girls she noticed liked me “in that way”. Combine that with making a big deal out of telling her who I liked and getting mad I admitted to wanting sex, she closed that conversation with me forever.

    She never taught me anything about money, so I struggled to learn everything the hard way in my twenties. But to be fair, she is bad with money so maybe I turned out better than if she had tried to teach me anything.

  14. She is always there for me, even as an adult. She picked me up from school every day (sometimes we’d get snacks on the way back), she’d let me ramble on and on about some crazy dream I had last night, or would listen to my nonsense theories about the world. She loved me singing in the car. She loved to cook and made amazing meals. She taught me patience and consideration (aka she cooks, and then I need to clean up the mess she made). She always went above and beyond for Christmas and loved to do elaborate easter egg hunts with riddles and clues. She worked hard every single day, even sometimes on weekends just to make sure everything got done so we could afford our house and things. She instilled in me many of my values and preferences towards fiction and storytelling. Speaking of that, she used to read me bedtime stories when i was a kid and do voices for each of the characters. Heck, in the last few months, she got angry at my apartment complex and was considering calling them up just to yell at them for treating me badly lol. I had to calm her down and tell her I’d take care of it. She never stopped caring even if we don’t see each other that much anymore since I live in a different state. She really is amazing.

  15. Well I just do. She has been supportive of me all my life.

    Also I have two daughters and a very young son. In my culture at least, we say that usually daughters are closer to their dads, and sons are closer to their mothers. So far my daughters (8 and 5 yo) definitely prefer me over their mother, curious how it’s going to be with my son (6 mo old).

  17. I love my mum as she has done everything for me.

    She raised two sons on her own while her husband fucked around and got himself locked up in prison or was just never there for his children. She has supported me at every step, she has cared for me, she has taught me so much, she has always been caring, she is helpful and incdredibly selfless, the most selfless person i know.

    I hate my father with a burning passion, i will not cry or be full of sorrow when he passes, but i dread the day my mum passes away and im left alone and broken with no one. My mum never belittled me for being smaller or for having more feminine traits, she’s never put me down for being the way i am, she has built me up and taught me love.

    My mum didn’t push me aside for her new partner, she always made time for me.

    I came crying and running to my dads house one day when i was about 14, parents divorced when i was like 10-11 and i moved a few blocks away and lived with my mum and one day when out on my bike a big older lad bullied me and punched me, i was too scared to go back the way i came near to where he lived so i went to my dads, he belittled me and made me feel pathetic for not wanting to get into a fight with someone twice my age size and height who had a friend with him, he knew ive had issues with bullies and he always made me feel like a pussy for not trying to get into a fight, im non confrontational i hate violence and he never picked me up or did anything to help me.

    I texted my mum i was at his crying and she was there in 2 minutes to get my ass home, she took me and squeezed me in a hug and said its ok, im here now…. she took a lot of my sadness away.

    The only advice i can really give you, is just listen to what your child has to say, learn about them, what they like, what they dont like, and dont try to make them someone they are not, just being a caring mother who tends to her baby and helps them grow is all you need to do, be there for him, when he is sad hug him and tell him whatever problem he has you can work together to help him, as for kids just like anyone, small problems can seem like overwhelming obstacles when you’re stressed.

    I would go to war with a hostile nation for my mother, I would do anything for her, and when she goes my world will come to an end.

    This is why I love my mother.

  18. Redditors are weirdos and social outcasts, so most people here have bad relationships with their parents.

  19. I don’t

    Literally all you need to do is be supportive and listen to them, while keeping your shit together. It’s not complicated but a surprising number of people can’t do it

  20. Think of it this way
    You don’t exist anymore. who ever you are now, is moving to a new era of her life. So be prepared to love something that you sometimes want to decapitate.

    I assume you are reading some literature on how to be a parent. If not pleas do.

    For me, my mom sometimes borderline tortured me to study more and better.(surprisingly made hate books and reading) Later in life I learned that she wasn’t satisfied with her own education so put pressure on me.

    What I’m saying is, no matter what you should support
    no matter what, you should love

    Last thing to say, babies are a clean slate and can’t be evil. Look within instead of trying to correct him.

  21. She’s the one who put 95% effort in to me, she worked 24/7, cleaned, feed me, and etc…

    My father put about 5% of effort he rather spend time raising some other kid that isn’t his and having sex with hoes and was abusive.

    Before you ask yes. Me and my siblings are his blood he’s just a piece of shit that has no control over sex drive, has a Victim Mind, and think everything he does is right.

    He left me next to the dumpsters when I was 2 weeks old. I’m still surprised I’m alive.

  22. 1, she saved my life. Was in the hospital for a broken leg, when they gave me a pain killer that I turned out to be allergic to (rare, so they didn’t even think to test). When, three hours later, after a shift change, there was a miscommunication and they tried to give me another dose of said painkiller that would have been fatal for me. My mother fought, yelled, and threatened legal action to keep them from killing me. Once the error was discovered, the hospital was very apologetic.
    2, she was the only person who wanted the best from me, but didn’t expect anything from me. As in she knew I was smart and capable, but also that just because you’re good at something, doesn’t mean you enjoy it. I could have been a lawyer, or a doctor or a construction worker, but as long as I did my best, and enjoyed doing it, that was enough. She didn’t care what I did, just how I did it.
    3, she would do anything for family at the drop of a hat. No questions asked, least not until after the crisis had been handled, no expectations of reciprocity, just my babies need help, so I will help them.
    4, because even after eleven years, I still talk to her, and can imagine what advice she would give.

  23. I don’t really. She has struggled with depression her entire life but never let me know.
    That led to a lot of perceived rejection as a child and the feeling that something was wrong with me.
    I don’t hate or dislike her either. I have huge compassion for what she had to deal with.
    But at the moment it’s better for me to have very little contact.

  24. She a good mother, a good person and quite frankly deserves better than a failure of a son.

    I love her because she hasn’t given up on me just yet.

  25. Yeah, I mostly don’t.

    There’s a degree of affection ’cause she’s always been there, vaguely nearby. She never followed through on the constant threats to kick me out of the house because I wasn’t doing well enough in school, I don’t show enough affection, I didn’t get in to a prestigious university, I didn’t find a job fast enough.

    She should not have had children, there’s nothing maternal about her. From what I can tell it was a spur of the moment decision to have kids after a death in the family, and it’s clear she lost interest pretty quick. My twin and I were shut away in our bedroom with our toys and left to entertain ourselves pretty much every day. We were paraded out for guests, but we ended up needing to go for speech therapy because we only spoke to each other and ended up more or less unable to communicate with anyone else. She’s ranged from disinterested, distant and negligent most of the time to emotionally abusive and manipulative trying to bully us into being the children she’d dreamed of, not the people we really are. I could go on for a while but I’ll stop.

    I don’t think she was really malicious, she just had children for the wrong reason and wasn’t ready for it. She wasn’t capable of being supportive and nurturing. Now we’re adults, she’s not capable of treating us with a shred of respect or like an adult. She doesn’t understand why we’d want locks on the bedroom door to sleep in her house. If she cooks for me, she’ll try and give me the same meals I ate when I was a small child, everyone else has risotto, I get fish cakes and chips. If you try to talk to her about any of it, she immediately attacks, and threatens you, and tries to make you feel guilty for not being good enough for her…

    Don’t be like her, and you might have a chance.

  26. The number of people saying they don’t makes me sad. I love my mom. I’ve been given literally the best mom and which I’m most grateful for.

  27. >Men, why do you love your mom?

    We grew up in a studio apartment and my mother had no choice but to change in front of me, so consequently she was the first naked woman I ever seen.

  29. Because she didn’t abandon me like my dad did. She raised me. Supported me through my problems. Sacraficed at times so I could feel appreciated and loved.

  30. I don’t really love my mom. I could go years without seeing her and not care. She sexually assaulted me on a few occasions and was incredibly sexist to me, being the only guy in the house. No wonder she couldn’t keep a husband or son around after 20 years.

    If you want to be a good mom, understand that your son will want space. Allow him to fall and get hurt, and don’t pick him up. Let him learn. Don’t get on his case about everything. Don’t nag. Nagging is a great way to drive people out of your life. It’s better to be more his friend than anything.

  32. A lot of guys are saying they don’t so I’d like to be more helpful.

    My mom has sacrificed a lot to make sure we stayed afloat. She has swallowed her pride, worked long hours, and given up on some dreams.

    When I hit puberty, she tried her best to prepare me for all the growing I was going to do. She told me that sometimes girls cry during sex and to not take it personal because that could be an emotional release for her. When that happened to me years later, I knew exactly what was happening and how to comfort her.

    Sometimes when I was tired and miserable, even now, she’ll scratch my back lightly to soothe me. It helps a lot now after long days at work and I see her.

    I’m not saying you have to tell your kid about sex or sacrifice everything, but work hard for them, be honest, and be involved even when they get old enough to feed themselves.

    You’ll do great 🙂

  34. Please know that the world will treat him like shit. You and his family will be the last safe haven he will ever know.

  35. I don’t, she’s a narcissist that is like a toxic disease that spreads like wildfire.

    If you want to be a good mom, make things about your kid, for your kid, and let him learn without being coddled too much. You at least care to do your best for him, which is a good start.

  37. “Why I love my mom” is a much harder question to answer than “What to/not to do to be a good mom”.

    In short… I love her because she loves me. No matter what choices I make, or goals I fail to meet, or life I live, that will never change. That doesn’t mean she thinks I’m flawless or that she doesn’t ever get exasperated, or disappointed, or even angry with me for stuff, it just means that those reactions come from a place of love and wanting the best for me. And while she hasn’t been some paragon example of what the perfect mom should be, she’s done her damn best every step of the way.

  38. I don’t have any love for the woman who is legally my mother. She was an abusive piece of shit and I was estranged from my dad and his side of the family for 9 years because of her. The only reason she switched from hitting to yelling was because at 14 I raised my hand to hit her back. I haven’t talked to her in 7 years, seen her once in those 7 years, and I don’t plan on ever letting her into my life again, nor do I plan on going to her eventual funeral. The only love for a mother that I have is for my birth mother. I’ve never met her, but she made the ultimate sacrifice by giving me up so I could have a chance at a better life than she could provide me.
    As for advice, mine would be that if things ever fall apart between you and your son’s father, do not try to turn your son against him.

  39. My mom is always there for me no matter what and always checks up if everything is alright when I go do stuff.

  40. She’s the personification of endless, unconditional nurturing love. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to repay her or fully appreciate all she’s done for me. I hope I can be a good son to her now that she’s getting older.

  42. birth mom – i dont really. the only parental figure i recognized was my grandma, so im going to talk about her.

    i dont think that you can ever explain *why* you love someone, but one of the reasons why i think she was a good parent is unconditional support. she never made me feel bad about who i was and my goals in life.

    i trusted her. whenever i told her something i knew that it would be safe with her.

    she also taught me a lot about life, how things work, how to cook and clean and do things around the house. things every adult needs to know to survive.

    she taught me to notice when a person is no good for me. saw red flags from miles away every time, i only wish i listened to her sooner.

    she would hug me a lot. she was a hugger in general, would meet my friends with open arms no matter if its someone she knows or shes meeting them for the first time.

    i miss her every day.

    and hey, congrats! the fact that you care this much already means that youre likely to be a wonderful mother. one advice id have for you would be to not treat him much different than you would a girl. everyone needs love, no matter the gender. hug your son. let him express emotions. teach him kindness, but also to stand his ground and take no shit. teach him life skills too, the idea that only women cook is bullshit. if he gets interested in something you dont care for or expect, support him anyway. and good luck.

  43. My mom is one of the most amazing humans on this earth and I couldn’t be more thankful to have her in my life let alone as my mother.

    She has many accomplishments and achievements but she always acts as though whatever me or my siblings do is the greatest thing she’s ever heard of. I have never not felt special around her.

    She is an amazing baker so all my life there has been a plethora of cookies sitting freshly baked on the counter. She’s always experimenting with different recipes and my siblings and I have the honor of getting to try them all. My teachers all loved me because she’d send me to school with my teacher’s favorite cookies constantly.

    She was always around for absolutely any school field trip, award assembly, sick days, or anything else. She’d always drive my friends and I to the movies and is beloved by everyone at church because she’s very personable but isn’t afraid to be open about what she thinks which often makes people laugh, so people feel comfortable around her.

    I could honestly go on and on. My college years were hard on her but she always did what she could to take care of me while giving me space. I know she does her best to make me feel like she’s not doing the helicopter mom thing, but as I’ve gotten older, I welcome the helicopter mom, my life is only made better by having her in it.

    I do absolutely anything I can to surprise visit her as often as I can (I live in another state now). I never let her pay for anything anymore when I’m involved, and I throw any plans I have out the window if she ever needs me.

    I’m not saying this is the blueprint to a great mom, because great moms come in all forms and fashions, but these are just a few of the many things that I’ve noticed throughout my life.

    I think the very most important thing is that she was just there.

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like