I have had a crush on my friend for a long time. And she has always known this. The way we became so close is I had confessed my feelings for her in middle school and we dated. Out of blue one day she decided she no longer wanted to date And wanted to wait a few years. I was young and dumb and figured it was a good idea. I never once lost feelings for her. Years go by and she slowly stopped using pet names, stop sending lovey texts, and just stopped what once was. Everytime I would ask she said I was just making something out of nothing. I would then become overwhelmed and she would say she did it so I didn’t get the wrong idea. And if I asked what’s going to happen In the future she said she didn’t know herself and still saw me in her life. I accepted this answer. Then one day she was super upset bc a date she had planned had gone terribly wrong.
She had always told me she didn’t want to date Anyone. I obviously got heart broken and wanted to just leave. She said she’d understand but part of me feels like I’m a bad person.
Over a year has passed and she has still been the same. We argue a lot bc of me. I never feel valued or important and it most likely is not her fault as I have severe anxiety , and I get jealous easily especially now that she is into dating other people.
I don’t want to make Her like me, I respect she doesn’t, my problem is I’m up at 2am physically hurting bc I hate this Situation, I really like this girl and she wants to be Apart of major life events for me, and live together one day, and I feel like if I left I’d be hurting her. But I’m hurting and I don’t know how to heal Bc no one has ever made me the feel the way she has. I don’t know where to go From here.
1 comment
Been there, my dude.
Good on you for respecting her decision.
A couple of important things to keep in your mental survival kit:
The most important is, She’s just a girl. Special to you, yes, but her opinions of you and her judgments about who she wants to date are random, almost chaotic, just like those of every other girl. They’re going to depend on a million things that are peculiar to her, and this is key: they aren’t about you.
You’re hurting because you have unreciprocated feelings. You can cope with those in a few ways: anger and depression are okay to feel, not okay to act on. It’s perfectly legit to be angry that she’s basically set your finest and most delicate and private feelings on the shelf: it’s not her fault, but it’s still not fair, and it’s okay to rage a little. It goes away, because it’s NOT her fault.
It’s also okay to be jealous, though again, the more you act on it the more you’ll make a fool of yourself.
The real way forward is to come to accept, “I’m never going to be a couple with this girl. So I’m going to concentrate on myself, my talents, interests, studies, career, and hobbies so that when someone just as special DOES want me, I’m ready.”