Whenever I tell people that people are consistently rude to me, I get told to be more mean.
I’ve always been told I’m very sweet and nice. I don’t talk much because people typically don’t care about what I have to say, but when I do talk, i keep positive in what i say, but I end up being called annoying.
When I do speak more “off the cuff”, then people see me as a raging b*****. I won’t even say anything particularly mean, i might be a smartass occasionally, but everyone finds 101 reasons to hate me, even if they personally say worse things. When it comes to my expression, I’m not as showy as most people, but it doesn’t matter if I’m laughing or showing my feelings, people assume the worst.
So, what’s the deal? Where’s the like between too nice and too mean? Why is it that people often react strongly to the things I say, but not so for when other people say worse things?
3 comments
I understand this completely!!
So here is what I think it is. People are used to you being nice and never standing up for yourself. So, when you finally do and say something remotely with an attitude or a little bite they will and do get offended. They will lash out and make you the villain, or the “b*tch”.
It is hard, but you have to: 1) not care what other think, 2) stop people pleasing, and 3) find your voice and always use it. Only give your kindness to those that deserve it, and never let anyone take advantage of it.
Double standards
When someone is telling you to fuck off, you also tell them to fuck themselves, no need to be nice. Respect is a two way street
This might be a controversial question, but what is so bad and/or scary about some people seeing you as a raging b****?
In short, yes, there is a line. You don’t want to harass or intentionally hurt someone, but you also don’t want to let them walk all over you. When you stop people pleasing, you suddenly become inconvenient for others, because now they have to take your opinion into account. When you start acting more like yourself, some people might dislike your actions or you.
It also takes time to adjust to not being perceived as “good” all the time and by everyone. Knowing that someone thinks I’m “bad” and resisting the urge to amend that at my own expense is something I struggle with myself. But ultimately, it’s fine. Nobody is liked by everyone on Earth, and it’s normal.