I am 27F, he’s 30M. I’ve known him for a little while, but never really talked to him – I actually assumed he was a condescending asshole. We’ve been part of the same friend group for about 4 months now.
A few weeks ago, we were all going to an event, but most people cancelled last minute, and it ended up just being me and him. I really wanted to go, so even though I considered cancelling because I wasn’t a fan of him, I went.
It was basically the best day of my life. We have so much in common, he’s actually very sweet, kind, considerate, and I think he just came off as condescending to me because he’s an awkward nervous dude. We’ve been texting nonstop, we are SO into each other, but haven’t seen each other since that event. We have plans next week to go on a first date.
I think I’m falling in love. I know it’s too soon for this, but he meets practically every single standard I’ve set for myself in relationships, we have similar goals in life, he’s just… perfect for me. He has expressed similar sentiment towards me.
I’m afraid that I’m going to go too fast with this, I feel obsessed, and I don’t want to just jump into a relationship so quickly, but I feel like I can’t help myself. He’s everything I’ve been looking for. I’m afraid to talk to my friends about it yet, because they all know him, and I’m worried that I’m missing some red flags or something and it’ll all fizzle out eventually and just be an embarrassing mistake.
Does anyone have advice for being more logical and calm about my feelings? I’ve been in serious relationships before, but I’ve never felt anything like this, and honestly I am a very “in control of my life” type of person and I feel completely lost in these feelings. Is there anything I can do to be more rational about this, or should I just accept these “high school puppy love” feelings and go with it? Part of me wants to end the whole thing now because I’m so frightened by it all!
Tl;dr: Falling in love more quickly than I thought was possible, drowning in my emotions. How can I turn this into something more healthy, or is it okay to feel this way?
9 comments
Go for it but play it a little cooler
Does he still seem like an asshole when in a group setting? Cause that’s a very quick 180 in your (quite strong) perception of him
Go with the flow.
Just don’t get all goofy to your friends until you have spent more time together.
Enjoy the high.
It’s not like you are proposing to him.
He’s just as excited which makes this less of a over the top one-sided infatuation.
Just take your time hanging out and when and if you two decide that it’s more than the initial rush of emotions, make it official and then share your joy with your friend group.
It’s perfectly okay to *feel* this way, imo. Don’t get too hung up on trying to moderate what you’re feeling; focus on making reasonable *practical decisions.* Like, if you both want to make out for hours every weekend and text constantly, great, go for it, there’s nothing wrong with that – if it later doesn’t work out, having had an enthusiastic fling is not actually a problem.
Just don’t, like, move in together next week or lend him money or get engaged or anything like that.
1. Breathe.
2. Remember that you have friends and other hobbies. Spend some time engaging with the things you usually love to do. Make plans without him and remember that he needs to fit into *your* life, first and foremost.
3. Talk to your friends about it. Come on, if there is a red flag you dont know about, wouldn’t you rather know?
4. Tell him you’d like to take it slow and make sure y’all are on the same page. Seems like you’re forgetting how to communicate because you’re swept up in honeymooning feelings, when the actual way to make this go the distance is to be up front and an adult about it. If he’s worth it, he will be too, and have a conversation with you about what he wants and where he sees it going. Don’t worry about mistakes – better to find out now than wasting time or getting into drama.
I’m happy for you. Enjoy it! But don’t let yourself get too carried away.
It’s fine to feel this way but DON’T SCARE HIM OFF. It’s been my experience that good relationships go from 0-100 quickly. But be chill about it, lol.
Honestly, this is how I felt about my boyfriend from the day I met him. Sometimes two people really, really click. Enjoy it!
Just remember that there’s a difference between feeling really in love and actually building a healthy loving relationship, and that second one takes time. There are no shortcuts. Take your time getting to know each other, build commitment and trust slowly, don’t rush through milestones. You’ve got to remember that you don’t really know someone until you’ve been with them for a long time and seen how they handle different situations, it’s not *possible* to know if he’s perfect for you right now. You know the version of himself that he presents when he’s on his best behavior. You need to get to know all of the versions of him & you need to be willing to walk away if some of those versions are really ugly.
Make sure you also spend time apart & hanging out with other people. Don’t make him your entire life.
Go for it. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out. Don’t be scared to follow your heart.