I messed up in our relationship because I was super stressed out and would argue about little things in our relationship for 3 months straight. Now since I got out of that phase and have learned my lesson, it is hard for her to move past it and now she is saying she lost attraction towards me. She says she still wants to be with me but she lost that initial feeling she had with me and lost that attraction she once had with me. But she thinks that if I give her time she will find that spark in me again. My problem is that I don’t know if I can wait until she’s ready because it’s discouraging that she won’t forgive me and move on. How do I go about finding the courage to wait until she’s ready?
TLDR: I messed up but can’t wait that long for my girlfriend to forgive me and find that attraction that she once had for me again
32 comments
If you still really want to make it work its possible to bring that spark back but you’ll have to try. Take her out on cute dates to places she likes, buy her flowers, etc. But I would sit down and tell her that you are 100% serious about making it work and bringing that attraction back before you do anything. See what she says.
First you treated her poorly and now you are frustrated because she doesn’t feel the same about you.
How about wooing her back? If you really wanted her, you would be working overtime to make that happen.
Or Maybe you are just not that into her.
I mean are you actually sorry? “I learned my lesson” sounds more dismissive than remorseful
she’s been patient with you for 3 months and still wants to make things work but you can’t even be patient with her for a little? You should definitely work on being less selfish and trying to win her back instead of feeling sorry for yourself
You come off as very selfish. Work on that, it’s not cute.
“I’m over it and now I’m mad that she won’t forgive me and move on”
Dude. You mistreated her for 3 months. It doesn’t matter if you’re over “that phase” of it, she’s seen the real you and she’s not attracted to it. She is trying to keep her relationship together, but tbh, I don’t think she should. You are more concerned with sweeping it under the rug rather than making it up to her in any significant way.
Put yourself into her shoes, it’s kind of like when you loose trust, it’s hard to regain that.
You already admitted it was your fault, actions have consequences and you need to carry the burden of that.
“My problem is that I don’t know if I can wait until she’s ready because it’s discouraging that she won’t forgive me and move on”. Expecting her to just forgive you and move on is expecting too much. Once women have a “ick”, it’s hard to get rid of it.
You made the bed, now lay in it. If this means you have to be patient as a part of making it up to her again, then that’s what you have to do. This is not about your selfish lack of patience.
Man up, but don’t be surprised if she doesn’t find that spark again.
That being said, wish you the best of luck, but either be patient with her, or break it off.
Possibly even go seek therapy.
So she had to deal with you being a jackass, but you can’t wait for her to forgive you? Because… She can’t just forgive and move on after you acted like everything was her fault for three months? I have a feeling you don’t care about treating people like shit, and will blame stress and all that, but expect only that other people will move on without placing the blame on you.
Stop being a child. These are the consequences of your actions. Being stressed is not a reason to hurt other people, or abuse them. People don’t forgive and move on when another person treats them badly. You definitely wouldn’t.
Break up with her and set her free. She deserves better than you anyway. You didn’t learn your lesson at all.
“I treated my gf like shit and now she doesn’t see me the same way. She wants to work on rebuilding the relationship but I don’t want to wait on that”
This is some middle school level nonsense if I ever heard any. Like accept the L and end it if you don’t want to put in the work….or grow up and try to do what it takes to repair the damage.
How about doing sweet things for her? Cooking? Flowers? Do her laundry? Clean? There are ways to kick up the romance.
YTA. You treated her like a doormat and now expect her to come around like everything is fine and it never happened get real dude your so self absorbed
Grow up and become an adult. Maybe try therapy. You’re incredibly self centered and that’s an ugly trait that people will be difficult being attracted to.
if she can wait for three months for you to get your shit together then i think you owe her the same.
I would say so her a massive favour and move on. I know that’s stereotypically “reddit dramatic”. But you were horrible to her for 3 whole months and you don’t even have the patience to see how long it takes her to get over this?? Are you serious, do you hear yourself. She’s clearly kind and patient. Why don’t you let her go find someone who appreciates her and treats her the way someone like her deserves to be treated?
If you messed up, you are the one who owes something. Patience is the least you can do. Have you considered getting help for your issues? If she’s a good person, consider letting her go now as opposed to dragging this out for your benefit.
Wait let me get this straight… she put up with your BS and all the sudden you want her to forgive you and move past your shitty attitude just like that??! Just like that?
Yea break up with her and let her find someone more understanding who doesn’t act like an ass.
Give her some time, relationships are hard. Try to go above and beyond to rekindle that flame, listen to her and make her feel secure and loved. Make sure you’re making these strides that best fit her love language.
If you can’t wait and try then don’t be with her but do not be mad at her for going through her motions and feelings.
Dudes treating 3 entire months as if it was one bad day or something 💀 the fact that she says she still wants to be with you is a miracle. Your girlfriend deserves much better.
So she’s been patient with your bs for three months and YOU’RE upset cause she won’t just move on?
OP you clearly still don’t get how exactly you screwed up if you can’t understand why your girlfriend needs time to forgive you and move on.
So she put up with you for the 3 months of you treating her poorly at the beginning of a relationship. Now she’s telling you that with time she can move past it (which is her trying to give you the benefit of the doubt) and rather than try to do better you are frustrated and don’t think you can wait for that?
Jesus christ dude. You’re 20 years old and clearly need to grow up before you try pursuing another relationship (this one is over with your current attitude)
Well it completely depends on what you mean by argue, are you lashing out and insulting her. Putting her down, threatening her. If so I’m surprised she hasn’t left you yet, and you wouldn’t deserve a partner. If its minor things, and she’s overreacting. Saying stuff like she doesn’t see you the same, then call her bluff and leave 🤷♂️ there’s not enough detail to give a reasonable response
Man just leave if you can’t be bothered to put in minimal effort and give her time 🤣 this the same shit my ex did and is exactly why she’s my ex.
i was once in your shoes. the relationship soon fizzled out. count your losses, don’t make the same mistakes with your next partner.
Your 20, she’s 20, move on
I won’t try to label you anything, because trust me I wasn’t the most mature person when I was 20 either, something that ultimately resulted in the end of my first relationship.
You cannot force forgiveness in someone, especially when YOU are the cause. It’s no longer up to you whether she can “find the spark” again, so if you really cannot wait until she’s ready, my recommendation will be break it off, and think about what mistakes you shouldn’t repeat in your next relationship.
All I’m hearing is me me me me me mememememe. Jeez dude if I were here I’d leave your ass. Own it or walk
You’re a typical 20 year old guy. You’re selfish and demanding and you’re damaging a woman who cares about you. It’s not her fault that she’s feeling hurt by you and it’s not her fault that she’s lost attraction to you. It’s your fault and your rationale and self centeredness in this moment is complete BS.
You don’t get to determine her healing timeline. You messed up. You either give her what she needs or you get out of her way so somebody else can. You probably should just leave the poor girl alone so she can heal. She deserves better than you.
I screwed up and hurt my partner for about 3 months straight but I said sorry so why should I have to wait or try to do anything to build that trust back up???? I hope she finds someone better.
As someone who’s the same age as you I truly think you’re horrendously immature and completely not ready for a relationship if you want everything to be by your book. I hope she leaves you tbh
So not only did she not leave you, she COMMUNICATED clearly that shes not giving up, just that she needs a little time and still believes she can have that with you? Not only should you be thankful if not worshipping the ground she’s walking on, you should ashamed and take a good look at the self entitled individual you’re becoming. The leeway I can give is that you’re young and learning but nows your chance to take a look at yourself dude. Not cool. You can still do better for both of you. Best of luck.
I need some details as to what you actually did/said. But my initial thoughts are: you sound like an a-hole and I hope she gets as far away from you as she can.
You’re not mature enough to be in a relationship. Let her go and work on yourself.