Saying nothing he ever does is good enough. For the past few weeks he constantly has been saying I look tired, sound tired, look exhausted. He already knows I’ve barely been getting any sleep and I’m tired of the comments as they have negativity to them and what’s the point.
When I told him over text can he not to this, it is negative and I don’t like it. He then tells me nothing he does is ever good enough. Idk for me if someone said that to me, I would listen to what they said and take ownership and change it if it bothered them.
He didn’t do that. He flipped it on me. Then he texted
“ I am done being criticized by you. I like who I am. If I am truly too mean, selfish, cheap, unempathetic, and lazy for you, no worries, go find someone who meets your needs. It was basically a longer version of that but with me defending myself more and trying to get you to change your opinion of me and asking why what I do is never enough when I literally never criticize you. But I’m not going to do defend myself anymore. I like me. I like who I am. If you don’t, no worries. I’ll find someone who likes me too. It is what it is.”
I didn’t know what to say honestly. I was taken a back by this because it’s basically like he is putting the blame on me when I brought up something so simple. Am I in the wrong or is he? Or is this just incompatibility? We are both 34
TLDR I feel like he doesn’t take ownership or accountability
5 comments
Ahhh a 34 year old ‘adult’ who can’t communicate without flipping over the boardgame and declaring *”I’m not playing anymore!”* Because things aren’t going his way.
I dunno, be glad the trash took itself out.
Why do you want to date someone who likes being a version of themselves that treats you this way? He just told he likes who he is, so damn you and your desire to be spoken to kindly!
If it’s *soooo important* to his core identity that he is entitled to make negative comments about your appearance, without any consequences or negative feedback, why are you wasting your energy trying to figure out anything deeper than that?
He just told you he’s gonna keep speaking to you that way, or worse. Address that reality.
Don’t debate him. Just dump home. Because he’s right about this much: If he *is and wants to be* this person and will keep behaving this way, you should dump him. If he really believes you think all those terrible things about him, he should dump you… but he probably won’t, because this is a transparent play to silence you, not a plea for mutual respect.
A typical behavior of abusers is DARVO – Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. As soeone else said, call his bluff. “Okay.” to threats that he’ll leave. Let him.
There’s not much to say here. He’s immature, insecure and it comes out in this passive agressive way. He needs to work on himself, but I don’t know how you can communicate that without him flipping out some more.
Couple counseling would get him in front of a therapist, but he might not be open to that either and he might see it as a threat or another form of criticism.
Some people never grow up and stay that way forever.
Choice is yours.
Honey, you are 34. You cannot possibly believe that this man is mature enough to be in a relationship.
His response to pushback is essentially “FINE I JUST WON’T EVER TALKT TO YOU AGAIN”
Absolutely not.
Let him leave. You couldn’t *pay* me to stick around someone like him.