Started dating recently and here’s what I learned

Thanks to my overbearing, overprotective dad, I haven’t been really, really dating until I moved out for a postgrad college recently. Fwiw, I’m lucky that my relationship with my parents are good and really close. But it puts a dampener on my social interactions with other people.

I moved to a different country where they are native English speakers (I’m not).

So, I went on Bumble, Match and Hinge. I don’t like Hinge because of how they chased me down for premium and they were relatively more expensive. Match was expensive too and I bought the premium only because it wasn’t my money (I was on my cousin’s sponsorship lol). Bumble was offering cheaper premiums because it was in my home currency (lol). Plus I was on Bumble a few times for free before so I was familiar with the features and functions. I also liked how women text first.

Out of about 100 likes a day, I matched with about 20 or so a week; only less than 30% of that responded back. Eventually, met a nice young man who’s younger but was super direct and into meeting up very quickly. I had about 10 matches while I was on the app with him and none of them were serious enough to do this (even if they were into casual dates, they didn’t carry the convo well).

Me and my date were really chatty. Our first date was in a public place for coffee and the 2nd date was already talked about on the date. 2nd date happened 3 days later and we hooked up (technically took my virginity). We have been dating for almost 3 months now and seeing each other on average once every 2 weeks (there are times when it was once every week).

He finally said recently, due to legitimate reasons that I agreed to as well, that we both should keep dating but casually (no serious commitment) and agree we would at least keep it physically exclusive between us (we wouldn’t have sex with someone else without first ending things between us). Essentially, a FWB relationship but he used the term “I’m still dating you” and fyi we do get ourselves tested first.

What I learned:

1. It feels nice to have sex with someone who likes you and you like back;
2. More importantly, it feels great to have your boundaries respected and the person apologising after (and not doing what they did earlier again if they did anything too much);
3. Sex is amazing when you’re doing it with someone else than solo because you could see how much and how far they’re willing to go to please you, and that feels really, really nice;
4. It also feels amazing when your enthusiasm is appreciated by words and action, too;
5. Feels even nicer to spoon someone to bed or waking up to you/them hugging you;
6. It feels nice to care for someone (I think I have a caretaker attitude), and I love being there for them (cooking, baking, serving, etc);
7. Learning to trust someone is a tough hill to climb because they have to trust you too and while you may feel guilty doing something you say won’t do, it may not be the same for the next person;
8. I can be independent and still be lonely, and that’s not a reflection of weakness – simply that I desire a human connection and I’m not antisocial;
9. Dating isn’t a one size fits all and always be open to try something with someone until it really couldn’t work out (so far it hasn’t for me).

I guess I was lucky when I met this boy because it could’ve gone way worse. He could’ve ghosted me after that first time hooking up; he could’ve not look like his pictures; he could’ve been a creep who couldn’t get his hands off me; he could’ve been one of those who forced their way into having sex, not try foreplay, etc and then left me hanging or get clingy.

For someone his age, he was rather mature in his behaviour and he was very gentle, kind and knows when to apologise. I like his company and I’m currently in no position to keep a relationship going. Most people my age are single and looking for “travel buddies” in the peak of their career, so I get pushed into getting into a serious relationship (hence no.8) but go with the flow if you’ve never been on a date before and trust your gut.

Tagged this as a “success story” because fwiw I think I came out okay for a first timer and it was a successful date regardless of where we’re going with it.

TLDR: I’ve never dated or had sex before; got lucky with someone slightly younger than me and currently casually dating him and hooking up; I learned a lot from the experience and made a list of what it’s like for others who haven’t done this before and wondering what it’s like.