So I have been with my (f30) boyfriend (m29) for 4 months. He has always said he struggles to orgasm, always has. However, at the start I knew this but still managed when giving him a bj or handjob, but recently he always comments when I am giving him a handjob how I am not doing it right, it’s either too slow, fast, grip is too tight, not tight enough, it’s not smooth enough (meaning when I am moving my hand up and down it feels jerky for him), I am not reading his body language enough, so I get so in my head about all these things I end up getting nervous, so when he does seem like he is enjoying it I stick to that one thing, then he tells me off for not mixing it up. We had a huge argument yesterday and he said I am the only gf he has had that struggles to make him orgasm this way so I feel awful now, also in defence I told him he was the only man I had been with that struggles (I just said it cos he hurt me, but it’s the truth). I don’t like to ask him a lot of questions during as he said it kills the mood. I don’t know what to do, any advice would be appreciated. I am at a loss.
9 comments
Honestly he sounds like a bit of a dick to me. Berating you for making an effort seems like a bit of a negging strategy to me. I’d say kick his ass to the kerb and find someone who appreciates your efforts.
He sounds like a proper knob! Seriously just tell him to go back to one that “didn’t struggle to” and go have a healthy sex life with someone who isn’t a complete ass hat
Like a man I tell you it’s not very simple to finish via HJ or BJ. I guess the closer we get to possible fertilization in sex, the easier it is to finish. Having a condom already changes the picture. BJ and HJ are far enough away from that, it’s more of a massage. So your BF has just to enjoy it. In my case always I used imagination and concentration on my feelings to finish faster and help my GF, cose I think about her knees 🙂
Does he masturbate a lot? Or has there been a change in schedule/lifestyle that could potentially be adding to his stress levels?
I highly doubt that there’s some magical disconnect between the two of you wherein you both aren’t satisfied. So my first thought is to see if there isn’t an outside factor that’s making things difficult.
If nothing like that is the case, you could always try turning the difficulty into a game. Turn it into a type of tease and denial. I bet he won’t struggle to cum after a week of not cumming!
Toxic manipulative guy. Red flags everywhere. Gaslighter. Quite sure due to pr0n and been yanking it too much.
The first hj I ever gave, the guy put his hand over mine whilst it was on his dick and showed me exactly what to do, so I couldn’t get it wrong. I was extremely grateful for that as it was a really good guidance method and I had no clue what I was doing. Ask him to do that maybe?
Could it be the death grip of his masterbation habbits
Talk to him. Fuck the “mood”
You want to know what is better than the mood? Enjoying yourselves. Ask what he likes and ask him to direct you.
Although as I’ve gotten older I’d struggle to orgasm. You know how much that bothers me?
None, so long as I’m making my partner happy
Tell him that you’ve completely lost self confidence in this matter. That you’re eager to please but by focusing on what you’re doing wrong he has made you timid, nervous and be in your head. Comparing you to an ex is completely wrong, unfair and cruel even. Sexual frustration is only that, and he has to manage his frustration better and not get emotionally abusive towards you because of it. Comparing you to an ex is emotionally abusive.
If he wants to orgasm more easily with you, he can masturbate less or perhaps in varying ways.
This should be a journey of mutual pleasure to figure out what makes him tick and what sort of foreplay and aesthetic might be best for him with you. Not using you, not with an ex, with you. Focusing on what you’re doing right and where you excel will improve your confidence and make the whole experience better for both of you.
Express this to him in an honest but calm way. If he is as good a guy as you say he is, he will listen, understand and be better towards you.