Some people get divorced because the “love isn’t there” …but some people also say that’s normal and there’s ebbs and flows to it.
So i’m curious, to those of you who’ve been divorced (for non traumatic reasons) and remarried…what did you learn in the marriage you stayed in that you wish you knew i. the marriage you left?
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Having shared interests isn’t enough to sustain a LT relationship. Neither is love for that matter.
You need to have shared values.
Each person needs to have taken steps to recognize – and ideally heal from – the trauma from past relationships (including family relationships).
You need to approach each interaction with your spouse with grace and generosity and if you’re not in a place where you can, you need to be able to communicate that to them.
You need to understand what “support” looks like for both you and your spouse.
You need to understand that there is no “normal” or “abnormal” or “weird”, there’s only “healthy” and “unhealthy”
You can’t take her for granted
Soft White Underbelly – Divorce Attorney
https://youtu.be/o5z8-9Op2nM
Don’t be Mr nice. Don’t take her shit test. Don’t put them on a pedestal.
Think hard about what kind of lifestyle you want to have in the future and what it entails. City life or suburb? Horses or cats? How many kids? How often do you want to see your parents? Vegan or carnivore? Find someone who matches your dream lifestyle even if it disqualifies 99% of potential matches.
I’ve been married for a few years. This is my only marriage, but I’m curious if anyone else has felt like they almost just settled or maybe were comfortable so they got married. Like I just assumed since I was with this woman for 5 years and we already lived together. That marriage was inevitable. Looking back maybe we weren’t as compatible as I thought and the level of love wasn’t where it needed to be. Just wondering if this is common?
Less sex, no bj
If you’ve been married multiple times I guess the advice would be not to get married OP.
I did it young as it was what I grew up thinking was the done thing. Got into a relationship, moved in, a year or so later we were married. It had its good points but realistically we were at different points in life. I was just a stupid kid playing at being a grown up looking back at it. I don’t think she was ready to commit either, given how things ended and where she went from there.
Met my now wife a few years later. We have similar backgrounds and values, though she’s a few years older. I was still immature, but I’ve grown into her so we’re aligned now. 20 odd years will do that, the age gap fades away. We took our time and it was many years before we married.
I think the main thing is to consider if it’s what you really want. I hadn’t considered anything else as a kid. I gave it a lot of thought second time round, but by then I’d had my mid life crisis in my 20s so I knew the path I was on. It’s hard to imagine not being with my current wife.
Listen to your gut. Don’t marry someone because you feel you have to.