Hey all. So I grew a pair and finally talked to my gym crush. First encounter was great, she happened to be lifting weights next to me and I just approached her while she was in between sets. The second encounter was not so great, but that’s most likely due to the fact that I went up to her while she was walking on the treadmill which I know is a major no-no. She flashed this incredible smile where I felt like why not let me approach her while I’m the treadmill but I kept it brief. I don’t want to interrupt her during her workouts but I really don’t see this girl anywhere else other than the gym and when I do see her she is usually on the treadmill. When we do see each other, she flashes this great smile but I want to build up a rapport where I can eventually ask her out. I just don’t see the window where I can do so. Any advice on how I can go about doing this, I’m worried that I’ll drift into being an afterthought if I don’t talk to her this week.
33 comments
As a woman if I am smiling at you like that, I’m letting you know I’m interested. I would be ok with a guy approaching me and simply saying something like “hey, it’s always nice to see you here! I’d love to take you out sometime. No pressure, but If you’re interested maybe you could give me your number when you’re done with your workout. I’ll be in the weights section trying to grow these guns ;)” You have nothing to lose! Good luck!
You’re probably better off simply asking her out to get to know her better than to try to build a rapport to eventually ask her out. One of the biggest errors I used to make was waiting for the perfect time or perfect situation to ask someone out. It is nearly always better to take your shot at the first sign of interest. It shows confidence and decisiveness. It’s also easier, because there is less time for you to build it all up in your mind to the point were it becomes a big deal, all or nothing, this is the shot at my dream girl type of situation. The fact is, there is no perfect situation and no magic words. What is important is that you take the shot. If she’s interested she’ll work with you to make it happen. If not, you’ve learned something and don’t have to waste any more time thinking about it.
I’m a female that goes to the gym regularly and has for years. I am very familiar with gym etiquette so I appreciate you not wanting to interrupt her workout. Personally, it sounds like she is interested so if I were you, I’d just ask if she’s interested in grabbing coffee or drinks sometime and grab her number. You can even start off by saying what you say in your post about how you only ever see her at the gym and don’t want to take up too much of her time. I would say yes if I were her.
if she is doing an upper body or something, suggest a favourite workout of yours, then tell her if you can send her some videos/tutorials of some other workouts and add her on insta. And ask her out via a text. Less stressful and awkward for the both of you if it’s done via text.
If a woman is Interested in you , You won’t even have to second guess it .However you are still trying to figure this out after speaking to her a couple of times . I’d give up and just continue to work on yourself at the gym . It’s possible you could talk to her a third time and she’d act pissed off . The risk doesn’t seem worth it
Get her number.
You hit the ball now it’s time to get to first base
I think the fact that you are respecting her time and being considerate about not interrupting her workout is great. It’s also a good sign that you’ve noticed her smile. (I’m usually making ugly faces during my workout, so if I take the time to smile at someone, it’s deliberate lol). She might just be a nice person who smiles at everyone, so take it with a grain of salt, but it may also be a good sign.
You’re right that the treadmill may not be best. That’s often the time for me to clear my head and just have some solitude. Of course, every gal is different, but I think if a guy I’ve seen at the gym came up to me between sets or, even better, as I was leaving and said something BRIEF like “Hey, you know, I see you here all the time and really appreciate your hustle in the gym. You seem like someone I’d like to get to know. Would you be interested in meeting for coffee at [LOCATION] sometime?” I’d be inclined to say yes. He 1) led with a compliment and 2) offered a specific plan for meeting, which I appreciate.
You sound like a chill dude who doesn’t need to be told this, but she’s not obligated to say yes. She may be in a relationship or just plain not interested. If that’s this case, please don’t pressure her. My gym is a place of refuge for me, and it’d be so annoying if I had to plan around the weird guy who won’t stop asking me out. If it’s not a “For sure!” vibe, move on.
That said, I hope it works out! There are definitely guys in the gym who I think may want to talk to me but maybe get nervous (see the aforementioned ugly faces) and don’t say hi. I wish they knew that I totally would be open to talking to them! (And yes, I acknowledge the fact that it’s 2023 and I could very well go ahead and just initiate conversation myself.) Most of us gym folk are committed to self improvement and want people around us with the same mindset (whether romantic or platonic). I think the cool thing is that you already know you have something in common. Let us know how it goes!
Maybe this would be “cringy” to some, but I’m actually a huge fan of notes in this type of situation.
I’d just pass her a note like “Hey! I’m conscious of not wanting to interrupt your workout. But I’ve enjoyed our quick chats and would like to get to know you more. If you’re interested, feel free to chat to me whenever, or send me a message at xxx-xxxx.”
The key is to say “let’s go out sometime”, not “let’s go out”, because when a guy approached me like that I thought he meant “today”, and I had plans.
Just pull the trigger bud.
Not a woman, but I’ve spent an awful lot of time in a gym setting over the past 2 decades and some change so I’ve seen this scenario play out a lot. If you’re not already in the throws of casual conversation, the most ideal time to shoot your shot is when either one of you (but ideally, her) are on your way out. If it goes south, there’s no awkward tiptoeing around each other for the rest of your time at the gym.
EDIT: This is dependent on several variables, obviously. I’m not saying rush towards the exit when you see your gym crush leaving, but if you happen to notice it looks like she’s packing up from your peripherals (assuming you’re not creepily hovering around), briefly shoot your shot OR shoot your shot when you’re about to leave. The idea is to not make them feel trapped or that they have to respond positively. If you get shut down, one of you is already making an exit…just don’t turn sad, nasty, or bitter when you see each other in the gym again.
I always assume girls in the gym don’t want to be hit on. I’m interested to see where this goes.
Ya dude just get her number and take it outside the gym.
I would probably just go up and say something like “hey, I’ve been noticing you and you seem to have a very nice vibe and a great smile. You might not be at all interested, and if so, take this as a compliment. If you are, would you be up for a coffee or something sometime?”.
I’ve done this with guys and I try to make sure to not just mention physical attraction and also say that it’s completely fine if they aren’t interested.
Maybe try to get her inbetween sets but also try not to stare to hard. Might be taken weirdly haha
Remember to square your shoulders, keep your arms straight, bend the knees, it’s also really important to relax, look where you want to go, keep your back straight, let the club do the work. Remember to relax. It’s all in the hips.
If she’s flashing multiple smiles at you, the light is already on green and has been for some time. If you want to respect not trapping her on the treadmill, be honest and upfront with that:
“Hey I dont want to bother you during your workout but id love to grab a coffee with you some time.” Grab her number if she agrees. Then go workout and call her later.
Remindme
you’ve introduced yourself. she is aware you’re interested. if she is interested as well she will strike up a conversation with you. please stop approaching her. smile and be friendly when you see her but repeatedly approaching her and interrupting her workout without any reciprocation from her means you are disturbing her and likely making her uncomfortable. women have switched gyms over stuff like this, it’s SO annoying. please leave her alone.
If you act like only a friend you will only be a friend.. There’s nothing to overthink here, you just need to be kind and polite and ask her directly. “Hey so and so, I can’t help but notice your beautiful smile, you always catch my eye.. I was wondering if you would like to get a coffee?” .. “I know this great coffee place”..
Be specific and try to set a time also don’t leave it open-ended.
“Are you free today?”.. Yes/No… “Let me get your number real quick and I will text you “.. Dial the number and say “That’s me, I’ll text you later”.. You also find out if she gave you a bad number
Wish her a good workout and finish yours and follow-up later
I say keep it short, the whole preamble increases the chance of blowing it. Be graceful, “Hi, I hope I am not bothering you, here is my number in case you would you like to grab a bite sometime” Whatever she says, be graceful, smile and move along. If she says “No”, say “ok, no worries” and move along, if she says “Yes” say something brief, smile and move along. If she says nothing, smile and move along. The ball is now in her court.
There’s like nothing to go on in this post besides her smiling at you. Was your introduction just you talking to her and her sitting there smiling? If so, she’s not interested.
Women smile for a billion different emotions. You’ll have to give more insight into what she actually said back (if anything).
Here is my opinion as a woman who regularly goes to the gym and typically doesn’t like to be bothered (but wouldn’t be upset if I was approached respectfully). When you see her, ask when she has a few minutes to chat. If she is walking on the treadmill (don’t go up to someone running) she may either say “now is fine” or “in 30 minutes when I am done.” Or, she can tell you if she really doesn’t want to be bothered. It always helps for someone to give you agency over the situation.
If she is open to having a chat at the gym, just say you’re interested in getting to know her outside the gym and give her your phone number. A man giving you their number is a lot less pressure than being asked for yours. Avoid any weird compliments that could be creepy (especially if she doesn’t reciprocate). Don’t say shit like “I’ve been watching you workout” or “you look really good.” Just say you’re interested in getting to know her and go from there.
Ask her out and keep us updated!!
Honestly I think just being direct is the best way at the gym. When a guy strikes up a conversation with me, I know what he’s doing.
So weird to me that someone would make a post about a complete stranger at the gym. Leave her alone and move on.
Can you elaborate on how the second encounter went poorly?
The gym is a sacred place brother, most people go there to do their thing and not be bothered. (Only my opinion)
If she doesn’t wipe off the sweat, it might be a sign.
Posts like this is why I hate going to the gym. I’m just trying to work out, not be talked to by men or anyone else, tbh.
And I see some women saying if a woman smiles at you, it means they want you to approach. I tend to smile at most people I see, because I’m friendly, it DOES NOT mean to approach me romantically. So don’t assume this is true for every woman, please.
PRO TIP: Women are actually reluctant to approach a man to start a conversation, because if they do that, it would be like she’s giving herself to you (unless a woman already has a crush and have a history (same school or whatever) she saw you again, then it’s possible she’ll talk to you). The closest they’ll ever get to approaching a man they’re attracted to (with no history) is walking up near that person (to do a workout, like pickup something near you) then say “hi” or “hey”. That’s it. ***They will give you a sign to talk to them if they are interested***. Don’t listen to the other user saying that “the ball is on her court”. No it isn’t.
If that woman consistently make an eye contact with you for days and days, and walking up near you all the time, then it’s about past time to **get some balls** because tomorrow is not guaranteed for anyone. When you have nothing or no one and you’re single, You. Have. Nothing. To. Lose.
However, if she’s not making eye contact or going up near you, then I’m afraid she’s not interested. They will give a sign and you have to pickup. If you don’t pickup the sign, they’ll just think you’re not interested or maybe even think you’re a fool because you don’t “man up”.
I’m a female, 34, single. I don’t smile at every man that passes me or speaks to me at the gym. I do smile when men that I’m attracted to speak to me. Everybody else making assumptions and speculating about your crush’s intention does not know what she is thinking or feeling. I say go for it! Find your opening, and if you don’t want to be too forward, tell her that she has great energy and ask if she has a significant other. If she doesn’t, there’s you’re opening to give her your phone number. Then she can text if she wants to get to know you.