I (F 38) am in my first age gap relationship with my partner (M52) and I must confess that it is a whole lot different from dating guys around my age. I like the stability and commitment but find that the time spent together is not nearlly enough due to clashing schedules.
So my question is what other things should I look out for? What are the pros and the cons from a male perspective that will help me make a success of it.
8 comments
Age isn’t a big deal but different relationship goals can be. If he has grown kids and is looking for long term companionship he probably doesn’t see much sense in a sense of urgency around hanging out. If you are looking for children and have a deadline a sense of urgency would be appropriate. My schedule is important to me – it’s how I balance my life, keep my different friend and business relationships and personal interests healthy etc. I can move it but there has to be a practical reason or something I’m willing to give up, I’m past just rearranging my schedule to “hang” with anyone.
As someone 52 I know what’s important to me and am very set in what I want and will tolerate so if you can’t fit into what he wants in a girl it’s going to be rough
Every guy is different, so it’s mostly about the individual guy and not the age, but on average I would guess that 52 year old guys are, as you’ve noticed, more mature, more stable, and might have somewhat better relationship skills (learned through experience) than 38 year old guys, but they also might have a little less energy.
The less time together is more about him individually and his schedule and not about age.
Honestly though, at those ages, even a 14 year gap isn’t that big of a deal. I think it’s a bigger deal at something like 37/23 due to maturity levels and at something like 75/61 due to health and energy levels.
Naps will feature far more than you expected.
Im 52 and dated a woman that is 34. Didnt work out. I wasnt ready to tolerate all the guy friends that were actually exes taking her out all the time. Outside of that, we had a blast.
I’m 57 … I honestly think I have way more energy and am in significantly better shape than most men my age, so this could be atypical, but whatever. The schedule thing is real … we usually have extremely demanding careers at this age. I also have three kids who I have 50% of the time, so no woman is going to be the center of my life, there’s too much there already. I’m also not looking for anyone to transform my life, I like who I am and how I spend my time. I’m happy to include a woman in it and to learn from a new perspective to experience life a different way but guys this age are who they are. We’re obviously not having kids with another woman, so you better be absolutely sure you don’t want them or know that this won’t be a long relationship. Most guys in my age group are on the conservative side politically — I’m not, but again, I’m not a typical Gen Xer. Also most of my friends are 25-40, I don’t like people in my generation much and they’re all married with their own lives, so it’s impossible to make friends with them anyway. If you do come across Gen X guys with friends the same age, they’ve probably been friends forever and there’s at least one in the group who’s a complete pig, but he’s been around too long for them to cut him off. You’ll hate this guy, unquestionably.
They keep talking about the boring places they want to retire and it gives me anxiety looking down the barrel of future boredom.
From personal experience the only conflicts were our differences in life goals and what he saw in 5+ years and what I did and that was usually something we both had to discuss but I had My fun! I am a 27f