Want to overcome desperate need to be needed and codependency

I’ve left a deeply codependent household recently (where I played the role of a people-pleasing mediator and peacekeeper), but I’ve very much maintained some of the baggage from there. The biggest one (at least in regards to interacting with others) is this idea that I absolutely need to do or say something useful for people around me, especially my friends.

If I’m not, then I’m useless, especially since I’m awkward in conversation and not exactly a bubbly sort of person. I feel bad when others are able to make substantial contributions (even emotional ones like making people laugh, showing kindness or relating to others) and I just can’t. I know socializing should not be about this “worth” crap I have in my head, but it’s such a deeply ingrained habit for me. And funnily enough, I’m perhaps my most useful when I’m not thinking about this, since I’m more aware and not in my head.

I’ve a lot I want to work on in terms of learning how to make conversation and being present, but this problem right here absolutely stumps me. It’s like it’s a part of who I am – to be some sort of doormat because I don’t deserve or am not capable of better. I literally only have one friend that I don’t have this mindset with, and that is likely because we have a ton in common.

Maybe it’s related to times in my codependent home where I felt like I had to fix things only to fail, then feel guilt and shame that made me want to fix things more. Maybe I feel like if I’m not helping, then I may as well not be there.

Please, I would really appreciate some advice as to how to break this cycle. I don’t want to exhaust people with this or worse, enter a brand new codependent relationship (platonic or otherwise). I’m just at a bit of a loss of what to do.