**TL;DR** I (18M) have been in a relationship with a girl (18F) who we’ll call Sam. We’ve been together for 2 years now. We’ve broken up a few times and every time it’s felt like I’ve lost a little bit of feelings for her. And every break up has been her breaking up with me. After our last break up I started to feel okay without being with her. I started focusing on myself and started hanging with my friends and all that. I was good.
Then she wanted to be together with me again. I was hesitant. I didn’t want to get back with her and then break up and get hurt all over again like we’ve been doing. But I did. Because I really love her. That was a couple months ago.
Now we’re together and all good. But I have feelings for someone else who we’ll call Liz. Just to be clear, I would never ever cheat on Sam or do anything like that even if Liz initiated something. I’m not that kind of person. But I do have strong feelings for Liz. It started a little while ago but I sort of just ignored it thinking I just found her a little attractive and it would just go away. But my feelings for Liz have just been growing and I can’t stop thinking about her. I find myself thinking about her all day.
The problem is I still love Sam, it’s just that I’ve slowly been losing feelings after breaking up multiple times. And we’ve been together so long and I know and love her family and we’ve done so much together and we’re so close. I’d feel so bad and I’d feel like a bad person if I broke up with her even though she’s broken up with me multiple times. And another problem is Liz is sam’s friend so I don’t even know if Liz would want to be with me if me and Sam broke up. But she has still been my friend after me and Sam broke up last time. It’s just everytime she talks to me and every time I look at her I just have so much feelings for her. My heart just lights up. I think about her and I fantasize about her all day. And I don’t know what to do. I feel like an A hole and I feel trapped. Please help.
1 comment
You are not going to like or take this advice, but the only healthy thing to do is to break up and go no contact with both girls.
Your gf doesn’t deserve being in a relationship with someone who isn’t really invested in the relationship. It seems like you have one foot out the door already and that you are not able to commit to your current relationship, because you don’t trust her. That is basically a death sentence already. Better cut things short.
Her friend is an escape fantasy, and a symptom of your current relationship being damaged. Since there is too much drama if you were to act on anything, better to not go down that road, and the best and only way to stop fantasizing about someone is to not be in contact.
Since you are not going to take this advice, your alternative option is to sit down with your gf and be open and vulnerable about how you feel. This includes admitting to not trusting her. You can omit having fantasies about her friend, but you can admit to not having those fantasies about her. Repairing trust is immensely difficult, hurtful, time consuming and not recommended when you are young and don’t have huge investments in the relationship, but I think you will give it a try anyhow. It requires honest and vulnerable conversation repeatedly and a lot of assurance. This path also includes limiting contact with her friend, which will be difficult to manage. If you two months from now are in the same or worse spot, seek option 1 again.