Ever since High school I’ve never been able to make female friends. all of them turned out to be frenemies or fake. They’d talk bad behind my back and nit pick everything I’d do and make these comments making fun on my photos I took my appearance disguised as jokes or ir just Blatant psychological/ sexual bullying me contributing to horrible rumours about me. Recently I dealt with one who had a problem with a female friend (19) who said my voice being too loud. I didn’t think it was that loud I’ve seen other people with the same vocal pitch as me. I’m naturally lively, animated, energetic, funny, happy spirited, cheerful and I guess ‘loud’. I didn’t think anything was wrong with me. I thought my personality was normal. But now since I met her I can’t get excited I can laugh like I normally did bc ‘people stare’. I didn’t even notice it until she points it out.. She also started taking ugly snaps of me to send it to guys when I asked for her to delete them she said no. She’ll intentionally catch me off guards and sent ugly snaps. When I say can u delete the snaps. she’d say I’m just sending it to Ryan with a suspicious look on her face. Has anyone else struggled with this?
33 comments
As for the people talking about you behind your back/nit picking everything you do and say, those people aren’t friends and you’re better off without them. As for the friend that said your voice is loud/taking pictures of you, it’s possible that she’s just trying to tease and banter with you because that’s how she shows affection and if you lean into it and banter back with her things will flow better. However, If it starts becoming blatant bullying or disrespect, id say respectfully part ways with this friend.
my friend (29F) has experienced what you’ve gone thru. she’s naturally a very bubbly person and sounds quite similar to you. it’s usually cause they are jealous bc men typically like bubbly women and if they’re not bubbly themselves, they see you as stealing all the attention or that you’re faking it for the attention.
don’t pay any mind to them, you’re all young and younger women can be very catty at times. just filter out these friends from your life and try to make new friends. a lot of ppl (men and women) like bubbly people and i’m sure you won’t have a tough time making new friends. stay authentic and don’t let them dim your shine!
Everybody eventually recognizes and looks down on bullying. Just be sweet and innocent; don’t let it affect you. Those who realize what they’re doing will stop and probably become better, more mature people in the process. Those who continue bullying are shameless, and will end up with no friends once everyone else matures.
– Sincerely, a bully
Because people are fucked and don’t know what they want. I keep seeing post about people looking foe friends yet it’s one worded messages and ghosting lol
Your not having issues with making friends. It’s just the friends you make SUCK at keeping friends.
It’s not a you issue. It’s a them.
Honestly try to find really nerdy friends. They will be to busy geeking out about their latest passion project, they would be to busy to worry about nitpicking your life choices. A lot of the catty people I have found don’t have anything they are passionate about outside of how they appear to the world, which give them a LOT of free time.
Ive had the same problem. One of my “friends” I called her fake and blocked her. Id tell the story but its to long. I Never texted her again. I dont like dealing with peoples bs. I also remember being in middle school I would buy a snack for myself. I would leave to get water from the fountain and this girl kept stealing my food while I was gone to be funny. I would coming back and she’d be laughing with her friend. My food would be gone. I told her to stop and called her bitch to her face and she never did it again. This was probably the third day in a row she did it. I gave it time to see if shed stop and she didn’t. Sometimes you have to be a bitch so they wont fuck with you. Maybe thats why I have zero friends. I cant stand fake people
I think it’s the type of people you’ve been friends with. I know a LOT of people that are like this but I’ve only been friends with a couple, I usually distance myself from them right away. Look for people who have a more similar personality or values as yours. I can tell you as someone whose friends are female in majority, good ones exist
You aren’t doing anything wrong.
You just have the wrong people in your life.
I nearly took my own life due to the effects of bad people in my life when I was struggling years ago. Made me think I was the issue. So your concerns aren’t without reason, if you ask me.
You’re going to run into people like that, all throughout life. People who will claim that you are the problem but never for once think about how they are treating you.
But you’re going to run into good people too.
And it will be tough for the moment with your age, and most people your age just starting to figure out who they are, a fair deal do it at the expense of others.
Focus on your higher calling, and that’s whatever brings you joy or furthers your passions/abilities.
Yes. It’s important to grow through discomfort, but …don’t downplay your worth.
IMO that current friend is being toxic and is wearing down your natural high energy. Partly because they resent your happyness.
Part of the problem is people who are nasty generally have an opening in their life for new ‘friends’, as they have either driven away other people and/or they are keen for a new target. It’s not you – it’s just that nasty people are the easiest to approach.
Sounds like a bad egg. I have had struggles with female friends and friendship for a large part of my life. I was an eccentric kid and didn’t always mesh with the main clics.
Something you need to do is think about what kind of person you are and what you need out of a friend. As I got older and identified this, I stopped trying to be friends with people who weren’t right for me and let go of my superficial friendships. My strongest female friends took time to find, but have been a huge part of my life. You don’t have to let go of all your superficial friends but dedicate more time to meeting people who make you feel good and supported. A few diamonds are worth more than a sack of coal, imo. Send out positivity and you will get it back. Be picky and don’t accept negative, mean behavior. Don’t give up hope
In the next 5 or 6 years, you may or may not come across good adult female friendships. But you will be mature enough to realize that connecting with the the right people is a huuge luck ! Obviously there is a lot of effort and hardwork involved in MAINTAINING friendships that include being selfless, forgiving, initiating a lot of times. BUT, but, out of 8 billion people in the world, you sync with a very few of them. And those people get filtered out due to the university you go to, the batch that gets handed out to you and situations that happens. So, it isn’t necessary you will be lucky enough to hit it off with friends that are relatable TO YOU and also kind. Even bullies will find people they gel with and create great friendships who are more or less bullies too. But they DID find friendships.
So don’t beat yourself up too much. Friendships are as much luck as it is as finding a great partner or getting born into a healthy household.
The only thing you can do is be nice, be cordial with everyone, choose a few you relate to the most and make sure you put effort into the friendship to be as non-toxic you can be (make sure you arent the jealous type or egoistic). The friendship may or may not mature into something verry beautiful 10 years later. But atleast you tried. Its a game of gamble in a way.
I havnt read this. But the few narcissistic women I know have no female friends
She’s a bully. She likely won’t stop either unless you start picking up for yourself.
Cause u call them females.
Oh come on people, every thread about red flags in dating mentions “if all their exes were crazy” and this applies here too. OP is thrash talking every single one of her friends while lavishing herself in praise. Why is everyone eating it up?
If everywhere you go it smells like shit time to check your shoes…
The ugly truth is that human nature was never and will never be kind. Society likes to put on a happy face, but it’s nothing but a mask. You just have to seek out those who are genuine and do your best to distance yourself from those who are not.
Is it easy? Certainly not. Mean people can also put on masks as they just become more manipulative and conniving with age. There is a book called “dark psychology” if you wish to read it, as it goes over different manipulative tactics and helps you spot out those people more easily.
It’s a fine line between standing up yourself and ignoring these immature people, who usually also have an amount of charisma. Pick your battles wisely. You don’t want them to see you as weak as they will use it to their advantage.
These two are crappy self-centered people. There’s nothing wrong with you. Everyone has their own imperfections. However, people that need to make fun of other people behind their back or blatantly disregard their wishes, no thank you. Walk away. They’ll maybe grow up someday, but not soon enough to waste your time
There’s 8 billion people on the planet. 4 billion females. Probably 60 million the same age as you. That’s 300 million +/- 2 years. 2 down and 299,999,998 to go. You’ve got this
Your experience sounds similar to mine. I always experienced very similar in my late teens/first half of my 20s. I ended up moving away because I lived in a small-ish town and my options were limited as far as making friends goes. This may be a long one:
In late high school, rumours were spread about me regarding a relationship I had when I was 16/17. My entire year level ganged up on me. I was a quiet student and didn’t even know the majority of these people and they didn’t know me at all, yet would make sure that anyone around them hated me. I had to transfer schools and was severely cyber bullied and hated by most people and had no support from any of my peers. Girls harassed me for several years after school finished because of, I can only assume, jealousy, because they were obsessed with the guy. They used my horrific experience against me with a smirk on their face until my mid 20s.
I had mostly guy friends, due to my horrible experiences with girls in the town I was living in, and some people spread rumours that I am only friends with guys so I can sleep with them, because I sleep around. Even though I didn’t.
I had a relationship at age 19 that ended almost a year later, and once again I dealt with girls spreading rumours about me when it ended and having to deal with so much drama and accusations. Again, they were obsessed with him, even though he had treated me horribly. But I was ALWAYS the bad person in any scenario and the horrible heartless sl*t who just uses guys, cheats on them and throws them away. Even though those two guys treated me horribly in front of others when we were together and were both obsessively talking about me after we broke up, were stalking me, asking others to stalk me and find out where I was, who I was hanging out with, if I was talking to other guys etc. Others gladly helped them. And then I was blamed for it all as though I must deserve it.
There were a couple of “friends” who enjoyed trying to capture my worst moments and sending “bad” photos of me to others on Snapchat as well. And they would remain friends with others who were nasty to me, or even become closer with them; including the ex from the last scenario. Barely knew him and then suddenly they are friends after we break up and they are supporting his new relationship etc.
I also had to deal with being scrutinised about my body weight. I’ve always been naturally slender, and people would make derogatory comments all the time and even spread rumours that I was a drug addict. People would constantly make comments about my weight, my eating etc. I ate like most other people would but for some reason it was a fascination to others when I would eat. Or they would act like I was too much of a prude to eat anything remotely unhealthy, and without me even saying anything, would say “oh you wouldn’t like this because you only eat really healthy”.
Until a few months prior to moving, people would put my morals and intentions towards my now-fiance under a microscope. Suggest I might be cheating on him, suggest I don’t look out for him, suggest I’m going to throw him away for someone else etc. A couple of people even said “Oh another one?” when I introduced him. As though having a couple of relationships in my teens and early 20s makes me a whore. And then would question me about my ex in a way that suggested he is a victim because I threw him away for my current partner. I was 25 years old at this stage and this stuff had been going on since high school. Lots of different people did it over the years. My fiance couldn’t believe it when he witnessed the behaviour I experienced, and agreed that there was absolutely no justification for it. If you truly don’t like someone, you simply just don’t talk to them or have anything to do with them. There is no reason or excuse to bully or harass somebody, especially long-term, unless they are obsessed, jealous or have serious mental issues.
I’m 29 now and know my worth. I hung out with catty, petty bully girls in my late teens/early 20s, cut them out, had to deal with drama and questioning and rumours from other people after I cut them out as though they are victims because I heartlessly cut them out (lol). But now I am living in another town far away from any of those people who put me under a microscope for years, and finally experiencing what life is like without dealing with that crap. I have people in my life who love me for me and who don’t engage in any behaviour like that.
You might just need to change your environment. I’m not saying you need to move away, but disassociating yourself from any of those people and anyone who is connected to them, and finding others to hang out with who are a bit more intelligent. You will find a life without that behaviour someday, trust me! You deserve true friends who look out for you and who don’t engage in that kind of behaviour.
i´ve had similar issues for some reason. ive been bullied when i was younger by girls mostly. later into adulthood, i did meet some girls but the friendships never last. after a while it just fizzles. they dont care about including me.
That chick is always snapping my picture and sending it to Ryan…
If this is a common occurence that means you are befriending the wrong people. Join a club and look for friends with similar mentality, interests or hobbies
That girl is not a friend.
Some guys are exactly the same way. You have to find other people who you can be yourself with. Also, some of those guys might be attracted to you.
Get away from that chick.
Are you befriending all sorts & types of people, or are you only targeting one type? I have to ask, because if you are having the same problems,maybe you should widen your circle.
People who only choose ”pretty girl” friends, collect “pretty girl” problems. People who collect “bar friends” learn they have “alcoholic friend“ problems. People who pick “gamer friends” find themselves with gamer problems. The list goes on.
People who pick all sorts of friends from all sorts of backgrounds, get to choose which problems/drama they stick around for.
I recommend volunteering somewhere, doing something you enjoy. You will make friends with other giving, kind folks, you naturally have things in common with, and will receive the satisfaction of creating change.
Well that’s immature af. But as a loud and excitable and passionate person, I feel you. Women don’t like loud women, and men don’t like loud women. People don’t like abrasive and emotional people, it’s intimidating, annoying, or obnoxious. But I am who I am and I’m at where I’m at. I’m okay with being a person with depths and weight- you need to get to know me and know me to get me. Because I’m not mean and I have a strong moral compass. But you’re easily judged when you wear it all on your sleeve. People will naturally gravitate to you who want to. And those are your people. The others are in their own world trying to make sense of their own shit. Focus on being unapologetically you. And don’t switch up. The rest can move around.
In my experience, it takes a very long time for women to mature enough to be comfortable in their own skin and not compete or compare with other women over everything. I’m nearing 40 and finally understand and have some great girlfriends that genuinely care about each other and can relate in ways that are all about being a woman. I think the maturity really started kicking in during my mid-20’s and has only gotten better since.
I think part of this is biological, to be in competition with other females in some kind of biological imperative. But now, I have much more empathy for everyone around me and accept people for their unique qualities. I understand everyone has their strengths.
Your friends don’t seem like friends to me, criticizing you and sending you pictures with mean comments. Are there other people you can try to be friends with?
I think you should read, ‘48 laws of power by Robert greene’
This is NOT a friend. Just walk away, laughing like you normally do. You be who you REALLY are.
Are you in post secondary?
Join a club for something you’re into and then you will find more people who you can make friends with.
Having a common interest with someone is a good start for a friendship.
Either you’re un lucky or something about who you befriend selects mean people
Wow. This turned into a weird women hate women thing. I’ve always had close women friends and I don’t see this at all. Op I’m sorry you’re having this experience. I would def join a club or a sport. Best of luck to you 🤍
you sound exactly like me, i am naturally very animated and chirpy, at least i try to be on my good days. i been having an extremely hard time making even one singular female friend in person.
You don’t need people like these in your life. These are not friends. You are perfectly fine and better off alone than with this type of idiots around you. Having no friends is not a tragedy. It gives you time to focus on yourself. A true friend or two, who actually enjoy your company, are more than enough. If girls don’t like you they are probably either mean bitches bt default (meaning this has nothing to do with your personality), or they feel intimidated by you. Take a deep breath. Clear your circle of friends. Choose pleople who make you feel confortable. It doesnt matter if they are girls, boys, older, younger, your etnicity or not. Just search for nice, kind people.