warning that this post is long and obviously trigger warning for infidelity below this point – also I’ve never used reddit before and am not sure how it works beyond the stories I hear on tiktok, so this is an anonymous account for privacy reasons.
In April when I was 12 weeks pregnant, I found out that my (f28) husband (m28) had recently started cheating on me with a girl at his work and I still haven’t gotten over it.
We’ve been married since summer of 2018, but together since summer of 2014. It’s nearly our 9 year anniversary now, and I am currently 30 weeks pregnant with our first child. I always thought that if my partner ever cheated on me, I would be out the door in a hurry because it’s a type of disrespect I could never stand for. However, I never thought it would happen to me, let alone after I had put 8.5 years into this man. Plus a house, two cars, two dogs, a cat, and a baby we both wanted for many years at that point. I know I am more sensitive right now due to the pregnancy but it’s now August and I am so tired of waking up hurting every day.
After I found out, I confronted him and he admitted that he had started sleeping with her and at the time had done so 3 times. I was in my first trimester and he knew how sick I had been, literally spending all day every day throwing up (my morning sickness lasted until around dinner time, usually) and sleeping. He has a job that has always kept him pretty busy, but he would always check in with me throughout the day. I work from home and am self employed (making much less money than him, but was something we had discussed in depth after the loss of my first pregnancy and agreed that me being home and dealing with the house and pets was something we should try. Plus, we both wanted me to be a sahm for whenever we did have a baby, so while I make less, it was something we fully agreed on together.) When he would check in, it was always so sweet – he called me in between meetings, on the road driving any time he was free, and he would text me to announce his safe arrival every time he had to go anywhere. It was never a burden that I asked for him to check in, because we both just naturally wanted to talk to each other all during free moments in the day, which is how our relationship had been for the entire duration. There was no asking at all really, it’s just how it was with us.
I gave him another chance when I confronted him, because I was so blindsided. It didn’t make sense to me, and now it still doesn’t. But I was 12 weeks along with a baby I had been wishing for for years (we struggled with conceiving after our loss years ago) and I had a vision in my head of our family that I couldn’t let go of. We agreed that he would go into work and end it with her the next morning, which he didn’t think would be an issue because it was “just sex” and they had no feelings involved. Let it be known that this girl knew about me, and I had stopped in at his office many times for lunch visits with my husband, and he had photos of me on his computer/desk so there were constant reminders that I was real for the both of them. He told me in later conversations that before the affair started, she would joke with him that I’m “too hot” for him, and she planned on stealing me away. She apparently is bi with a heavy lean towards women, and when my husband would talk about her before the affair, I was told she was a lesbian that he and all the guys at work (besides one) found highly unattractive. What happened when he ended it with her, is I guess she took it alright, left, and then a few hours later came back and begged him to not leave her. He told me that she was crying and clinging to him, and there was something about abandonment issues that I truthfully did not care about, because I was his partner of almost 9 years and carrying his child. He told me he had ended it though. Next, he went to get tested (there was no cross-over at all while this was going on) and he was clean. He showed me all test results, as this was an important stipulation, obviously.
For the next month, I watched him leave every morning and broke down as soon as he left – sometimes begging before he went to work for him to call in sick and stay home with me. I was a wreck. We had a vacation planned from months before coming up in May, and I somehow thought it would be good for us to get away and just be the two of us. I was counting down the seconds til that trip, keeping everything I was going through just to myself and quickly deteriorating. In that month, I lost 22 pounds because I could not eat, and every time I did, I would throw up. My husband watched me in agony, a complete shell of who I once was, trying to grow our child and not being able to stomach food literally at all. It got so bad that my whole face broke out in what looked like hives from how hard my body was trying to throw up when there was nothing left inside me every day. Like little blood vessels popped all over my skin from sobbing and puking all day.
We went on our trip, and it was painful. There was good times, but also I was still so broken and had no trust in him. This whole month long period I felt something was still off, but he gave me access to his phone and I would check it in front of him, and also whenever he was asleep or in the shower just to be sure. After the vacation, it got really, really bad for me. The intuition in my head that I felt back in April had never really went away, but it was so incredibly loud that I felt like I was going crazy. He was telling me he loved me, reassuring me that it was really over with her, that he was going to be a good husband to me and the best father to our daughter, and no matter how much I wanted to believe him there was something in me telling me he was lying.
While he showered one morning, I went into the bathroom to pee and his phone was sitting on his pile of work clothes for when he got out. I grabbed it and brought it with me for while I peed, thinking it would be like every other time where I looked at his phone and found nothing. Instead, in his whatsapp, there was a thread of messages with her from the night before. The day before was a long work day for him, something I dreaded even before the affair because being apart from him for crazy hours made me miss him, but knew there was no way to avoid. I remember I had offered to bring him food for lunch (even though we lived an hour away from the office) and he told me not to worry about driving – that he’ll bribe one of the guys into bringing him something so I didn’t have to waste the gas money. In reality, she was bringing him lunch and he was texting her about it at the same time he was texting me. Those texts haunt me so badly even now. She had told him “I miss youuuu” and he replied the same, so clearly they had only progressed more in the last month. When she was bringing him lunch he told her “I just want you and a burger” and then there was some hours later messages where they laughed about getting everyone out of the office inconspicuously so they could be alone and she said “now I get to have you” and reading those messages, 16 weeks pregnant and first thing in the morning, quite literally made me want to die. When confronted, he promised me that they didn’t have sex even though it sounded like it would happen in those messages, but that he has still been sleeping with her. Just not that day, I guess.
This was back in May. I left him the next day, after I confronted him again and he admitted that he never actually stopped. He tried, and his story was half true he says – that when he spoke with her, she came back crying and begging and then apparently forced him into an empty office where she tried to go down on him. He promised me that he stopped her and shoved her away, but that she had gotten his pants down and gotten close enough to touch him before he got away from her. Nothing happened that day, he swore to me, but that in his mind it was over then because in our initial conversation I told him I would give him a second chance but if he did this again I would leave him. He counted this as doing it again, even though when he broke down and told me this, it sounded more like she assaulted him while he was saying no, rather than him cheating another time. But he didn’t see it that way at the time and thought I’d leave if he told me, and figured he might as well not stop, if I was just going to find out and leave him in the long run because he had already messed up.
Now, fast-forward to August, I have been living alone since May. I left him the day after I found out the second time, going to stay with my aunt for a few days with my dogs. I ended up coming back to the house and kicking him out, because it didn’t seem fair to me that everyone besides him had to suffer (me being pregnant and hauling around two 6 year old dogs who are very used to being home-bodies and were confused and stopped eating due to the stress, plus our cat who is deeply bonded to me and is used to me being home with her all day, was now left alone while he was working for 10+ hours, and all of our animals are friends so it was really fucked up for everyone but my husband who was the one who did the wrong thing anyways.)
So now I am 30 weeks pregnant, preparing to sell our house and move back into my dad’s house (with the 3 animals and my daughter when she is born) and am still so, so hurt. I really felt like this man was the love of my life and my soulmate. All of our friends who I’ve spoken to about our separation (I cannot afford a lawyer until the house sells, and I’m unfortunately a sorry excuse of a woman and sob whenever I think of the word divorce, even though I know that has to be one of the steps I take down the line\*)\* have been absolutely shocked due to how out of character this was of him. We were known as the couple that could handle anything together. My family was the same way, because of how wonderful my husband was to me for 8.5 years. He was so emotionally supportive and sweet, and I like to think I was to him as well. I lost my mom who was my best friend, and we together lost our first baby, and he dealt with going no contact with his mother, and we were truly each others rock for so long through all of those moment, just to name a few. And I’m carrying his daughter, who I love deeply already. I know he hurt me and changed me as a person, but it’s so incredibly hard to forget the years of happiness I had with him and see that they’re seemingly over now.
The shitty thing is I would probably take him back if he came to me and said all the right things and made the right promises and made me believe him – but instead, I live alone while growing this baby and taking care of the animals we picked and have raised for 6 & 2 years together, dealing with this trauma by myself, and he is all but living with the girl he cheated on me with. Every time I drive past his apartment, her car is there. Sometimes when even his car is gone. He promises that she doesn’t have a key, and that when the baby is born she won’t get in the way of him being a father (she hates children/babies, cats & dogs, so clearly she’s a super great person on top of knowingly fucking a married man) but at this point it’s been months of him knowing he’s hurting me. We’re still publicly married. His family has no idea of any of this – only our mutual friends and my family know any of what’s happened, though not with all the details I’ve put in this post. I should mention that when I did come face to face with this girl (only once) she laughed at what she had done, and when I told her that she broke apart my family and took my daughter’s father away before she was even born, she literally shrugged and muttered “yeah, I know” while looking so fucking smug about it. I only say this because I know people will say to not blame the affair partner, but only blame my husband who was the one who broke his vows to me, but I fully blame them both. She knew what she was doing, and so did he, and she seems to like knowing how “powerful” she was in this situation.
He tells me often that he doesn’t want to end our relationship, but that right now he isn’t right for me. That he cannot be who he was, because he fucked up so badly that he doesn’t know how to fix it. Now he’s going with monogamy just isn’t for him, even though he and his affair partner are living together recreating the life we had, living very obviously in monogamy currently. It hurts so much, because he’s already replaced me with her – some 20 year old girl is sleeping beside my husband and having meals with him, and sitting in his passenger seat. It just isn’t how my life was supposed to go. I wish so much that I could stay firm on hating him, because trust me that I do, and I’ve had several hours over the last few months where I make sure he knows what he did to me and how much I hate him for ruining the woman I was before this betrayal. But I also love him still, and I want the family I was all but promised – we couldn’t get pregnant for nearly 3 years, and the month I did get pregnant I literally told him “if it doesn’t happen for us, it doesn’t happen. I wanted to be a mom, but if it’s not in the cards, I will come to terms with it and I know I can be fulfilled in our relationship without a baby” and then I shockingly did get pregnant and I felt like it was all falling into place finally. That we would be happy and us, like I pictured, but now with a little baby we both daydreamed about for years.
I’m really unsure how reddit works and I know this post is so long so no one probably read it, and I don’t really know why I wrote it here anyways. I know in this situation he is in the wrong, and I don’t need anyone to point it out to me. And I also don’t want anyone calling me names for still loving this man who has disrespected and mistreated me so immensely over the last 4 months. It’s just coming up on our anniversary and I am desperately lonely in this quiet house that I now have to pack up all by myself and I wanted a place to put my feelings. If you comment please be nice, I feel stupid and weak enough as it is. I’ve been with him since we were both barely 19, and moved straight from my childhood home into an apartment with him. I’ve not spent a single adult year alone, and I’m just really sad all the time and don’t know what to do. I try to go no contact with him, but we’re selling a house & I’m in my third trimester with his baby. I just hate him, and I hate myself. I want him to wake up and see what he’s doing, but I don’t think he ever will because he has to avoid the accountability of his actions. And it’s not like I could ever trust him again anyways, but now I have to coparent a child with him for the next several years and I don’t feel strong enough for any of the future anymore. I don’t get how he could do this to me.
TL;DR
I’m a sad pregnant lady who doesn’t know how to move on from my husband of nearly a decade cheating on me and I needed a place to share what I’m going through
40 comments
I am so sorry, OP. My heart is so sore reading this. I know this is hard, but you seem so strong and you will get through this. Take the time to grieve the loss of your marriage and the dream you had of it.
I know you don’t want any name calling of your husband but please don’t take him back. His betrayal is just horrible his AP sounds evil. His comments about him not being monogamous and how you deserve better – he is only saying this to excuse his behaviour.
You do deserve better and one day he may realize what he did. You will be living your best life and he will be on the sidelines. Sending lots of hugs and wishing you strength and blessings.
‘I’m a sad pregnant lady who doesn’t know how to move on from my husband of nearly a decade cheating on me’
You need to add in ‘strong’. Seriously. You’re super strong; deciding to leave is really hard and you’ve absolutely done the right thing here.
Things are going to seem bleak but they will get better. One day, it’ll hurt less and then one day it won’t hurt at all.
He is the one losing here; he’s thrown away a loyal partner and what could have been a happy family unit. All you’ve lost is someone you could never trust.
I’m so sorry, OP. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for, do you know that? What he did to you is truly horrible and you had the strength to leave. And I know that decision hurts like crazy, but it was the right decision to make for you and your child.
I won’t harp on about him, dissect all the things you mentioned where he tries to cop out and not take accountability even now, but they aren’t going to have some fairy tale life together. They will not have what he could’ve had with you. They’ll hurt each other in the end. So try not to dwell on that part, if possible.
And I beg you…never take this man back. If this relationship with his AP ends soon, he’ll try. He’ll say all the right things, he’ll say that you and him and your baby can be a family, just like you always wanted. But that’s a lie.
I wanted you to know I read every word..
You’re a human being and nobody reasonable would expect you to be a robot.
I left my relationship of 21 years almost 3 years ago, and even though I ended it for my own mental health and for my kids, and have a fantastic partner now, there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t get a random thought about him.
The conversations we had, our routine, the dinners he cooked, the intimacy we had. All the family videos are still way in the back of my phones gallery still.
Your feelings are completely normal, and it will get better I promise.
You are the main priority at the moment and you have to keep being strong to get yourself ready to move on and be there for your baby girl.
The hard part is over, friend. And you survived it.
You got this ❤️
At least you can be happy about knowing, that at a certain point, your exhusband will also cheat on his new girlfriend and that she will find it out and be super pissed.
Didn’t want to read this and run OP, so just wanted to give you a few thoughts.
Firstly, I know it seems like he’s moving on quicker than you. But keep in mind that he checked out, mentally and emotionally, before you did. So he has a head start on you. He may even have been checking out before he and the AP got together. So if it seems like he’s rushing ahead and you’re stuck, give yourself a bit of grace. He was prepared for this and you weren’t, so your emotionally processing will take longer and look different.
Secondly, it’s very hard to move on when you’re stuck in limbo. You’re waiting for your baby to arrive and those last weeks in particular can drag. You’re ready to meet your baby but they’ve still got a bit more growing to do. It seems neverending and that’s not a time sink you need or want while dealing with your ex.
And thirdly, the AP may look smug about it all now but she’s just shacked herself up with a man who’s about to become a father and she doesn’t like kids. I don’t think she’s going to like what’s coming in the next few months so maybe start practicing your sweetest “Oh dear what a shame” smile now.
So a few things you need to do in the coming weeks:
1. See a lawyer about the divorce and do it before baby arrives. I know you don’t want to do it. I know it will be a step that you can’t face. But you must do this first exceptionally difficult task. Why? Because you need to know where you stand, legally, on custody. Otherwise you may find yourself fending off your ex claiming he should get overnight stays (“just come round every couple of hours to breastfeed and then go home again”) while you’re dealing with recovery, hormones etc. Find out your legal rights NOW and then you have them in your head ready to pull out if needed.
2. Decide who you want as your birth partner. You may not want your ex there. People will tell you that you’re being selfish, unreasonable etc. But you’re the one that may need emergency surgery to deliver this baby so in this circumstance I say be selfish. And if your birth partner is anyone other than your ex then put them on an information diet and don’t tell them when you’ve gone into labour.
3. Over the next few weeks, before baby arrives, have a think about what a successful future looks like for you. Becoming a father can change a man, and becoming a father while living with a woman with no interest in babies can change things even more. The situation you were in before, checking his phone etc, is not sustainable. So think about how a successful reconciliation looks to you. Maybe it’s couples counselling/therapy, maybe your husband changes jobs so he’s away from the AP, maybe you need more than a year living apart etc. But reconciliation may not be on the cards at all (either on your side or his) and that’s okay too! So how does a successful divorce look? Custody arrangements, splitting assets etc. Maybe you like the idea of living near your family, maybe you want a better job, maybe you want to walk your daughter to school. You don’t need to let your ex dictate any of this. Your opinion is equally as valid.
I know all of this is hard. I know you don’t want to think about any of it really. You would very much like to wave a magic wand and go back to having a happy marriage.
But, as someone who currently has an almost 5 month old, the baby will take up a lot of your time and your brain when they arrive! You’re on a tighter deadline than you might think. Future you will be grateful when you know that you have legal advice and even a vague plan for the future when it’s 2am and you’re dealing with snippy messages from the ex about how he doesn’t see the baby as often as he wants and it’s not fair etc.
I wish you’d be as gentle with yourself as you would be if a dear friend was going through all this.
I doubt you’d berate a friend for still loving someone who betrayed them, for feeling sad and lonely and lost. You’d give them a hug, let them cry it out, order them a favorite comfort meal and tell them you love them and you’re here for them. Yes? So do those things for yourself, and surround yourself with people who will do the same. Real life is not a Beyoncé song, no one expects you to be over this in three and a half minutes. Moving on will take time, and won’t always be a clean, linear process. There’s no deadline and no grades. No one is coming to give you a D- in Getting Over It.
I’m sorry this happened to you. It objectively sucks. Knowing he’s the one who fucked up doesn’t make it hurt less. Be kind to yourself and focus on keeping yourself physically safe and healthy. I’m sending my best wishes for a smooth birth and lots of love and support for you and your child.
I’m tears reading this OP. Please know that you are strong and your worth is not dictated by another person. I know you love him but think about his moral compass. Not only did he cheat on you he cheated on you when you were pregnant with a much wanted baby. He then goes for someone that sounds like the spawn of the devil and is now living with her. He has absolutely no redeeming qualities. You love the man you thought he was. Imagine if in 20 years your daughter came to you with the same experience. You’d be outraged for her. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect at the very very least. Believe me I know youre looking at it from the point of being together for 8 years but that’s a drop in the bucket. I left after 18 years after he destroyed me and affected my children. We are thriving now. All of us. My only regret is not leaving sooner. You’re vulnerable and you want love and comfort. Believe me you will find that in everyone else in your circle. Not from him. I would also be telling his family too. What you need to do it get into therapy or a story group or a confidence building/mindfulness group. Anything to help you in this moment. When that baby is born you go to mother and baby groups and build that support network. If you take him back he will destroy you and your daughter. You both deserve better. Feel free to mess anytime
I read the whole thing. He and she both sound awful. I strongly suspect that one or the other will cheat again and it will blow up, and he will regret what he did. The whole thing about him saying “you wouldn’t take him back” the second time and that he should just go through with it was absolute nonsense, I couldn’t tell if you actually took that seriously but you really shouldn’t. It’s hard to put a positive spin on such an awful thing, but the severe lack of character he has shown repeatedly indicates that this was a foregone conclusion and you shouldn’t take him back even if he does say all the right things. I kind of wonder if he bailed on you just so he could skip out on the difficulty of a pregnancy.
I think you are in love with what you had, what he was, and now have to mourn and let go of what he is. I hope you have an easy delivery and I hope the sale of the house will enable a quick divorce. Be firm on custody especially with his lying, cheating and admission that his current gf hates kids.
So many good points already made, so I will simply say you have one more stranger admiring your strength and totally believing you will find a way to make beauty out of ashes for you and your daughter. ❣️🌅
I read the whole thing, OP, and I’m so sorry they did this to you. You are strong, even if you don’t feel that way right now. You are providing an example for your future daughter by not staying in that relationship. Remind yourself of what sort of life you want for your child, how you want her to be treated in her future relationships – and don’t tolerate anything less for yourself.
You also need to talk to a lawyer, if you haven’t already. If I were you, I would absolutely be pushing for primary custody. I wouldn’t even want him in the delivery room, honestly. I’m not sure how the courts handle things with newborns (or if you’re in the US), but personally, I would not trust your STBX or his shitty little girlfriend with an infant for extended visits. Maybe readdress the custody arrangement when your daughter is a little older and her needs are less urgent than those of a small baby. You already know that he will lie to you about anything and everything. Plus if she “doesn’t like babies…” Idk, that would sus me out. I know not everyone wants to be a parent, but maybe don’t date one if you don’t like kids. Idk, maybe that’s just me, and I certainly don’t want to give you anything more to worry about, but it was pretty prominent in my mind while I was reading your story.
It’s going to be ok, OP. Others betraying you does not speak to your character, only to the flaws in those who would seek to hurt you. Soon you will be in your own home that you can turn into a perfect nest for you and your daughter, a safe place to make new happy memories, free from the tainted ghost of your ex roaming the rooms of your old house. Before you know it, your daughter will be in your arms, you’ll feel her soft, sweet smelling skin, and your sad sack of an ex will be missing out on all of this because he’s a POS.
I would focus on taking great care of your own physical, mental and emotional needs for you and your baby. Relationships that spawn from an affair never work out and I wouldn’t be shocked if he came running back to you pleading for forgiveness. I can’t tell you what to do but I don’t think I could trust him again. The betrayal is bad enough but to continue cheating and lie straight to your face feels like there’s a personality disorder going on. You remind me how important it is to listen to your gut. I wish you lots of health, love and care. The next chapter will be big, bright and beautiful for you.
Wishing you the best. I read your entire post, you didnt deserve this. Another example of a cruel and unfair world. I hope your heart finds peace one day. Your strength is admirable and i am so sorry that this happened to you. You should publicly shame him. I know you cant get even, what hes taken from you is invaluable, but you deserve to be heard and for people to know who he is. He should pay with his reputation. Having not shamed him to his family yet is another testament to your strength. You are a better person than I am, though I dont think you should feel ashamed if you chose not to be.
You’re a lot stronger than you believe. Either him or the AP will cheat on each other eventually. I would go ahead and tell his family unless they’re the type to attack you for his awful behavior. It reflects on him, not you.
Oh honey, my heart breaks for you. What an asshole. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. Everything you’d worked for, and loved, and knew, was ripped away from you right when you thought it was all coming together.
And for him- to cheat on you, then continue the affair, then say those bullshit excuses while still screwing around with her- what a POS. I’m so sorry. I wish I had some advice for you- but I don’t think anything will take away what you are feeling. You are doing the right thing- you left, and you’re getting your stuff together. Focus on your baby and your pets and all the things you can control. If I knew who he was I would punch his stupid face for you. Hers too. The best revenge you can get is just to try and live your best life. Get over him, and the trauma- and make your life better than it was with him. And it will be. He’ll regret it all soon enough.
You need support! Fuck this POS.
I’ll help you: you are not in love with him! You’re in love with the person he had been. But this person is dead because of his actions and will never come back!
1. Please get support from friends and family, I beg you, they can also support you in your pregnancy and doctor appointments. Being alone isn’t healthy. Please talk to them maybe stay with them or they can stay for some nights at your house. This will help you to change your thinking and your feelings.
2. Please get a lawyer! Your SOONTOBEEXHUSBAND sounds spineless ass fuck. If anything he told you has not been a lie. He would life by himself, and not with the POS AP. When the baby is here, get sole custody. Because what is worse than a spineless husband? A spineless father!
All the best to you OP. You’ll be strong, but you need the right people, get rid of the wrong ones!
My mother always said: Their are two kind of partners in your life – some for the whole way and some just for a part of your way.
The way with your stbxhusband endet and now there will be new and better people for the rest of your way.
You are already an incredible mother. Before your daughter was even born, you made the choice to value yourself over a man who didn’t respect you. As the daughter of a mother who never could do that, I am blown away by your power, and at such a young age. I may have ten years on you, but I still want to be like you when I grow up.
This is so devastating, OP, and I am so sorry you are going through this. As difficult as it is, you are doing the right thing for you and your daughter – one day she will be old enough to understand the strength her mother showed in bringing her into this world.
You are also setting a beautiful example of the respect we deserve from those we care about, and as hard as it seems right now, I think you need to push forward without your husband no matter how difficult that is. Betraying a spouse in such a vulnerable time is evidence of some kind of wicked character flaw I do not think I could ever reconcile – even if they did all the right things going forward, I would never forget that disgusting, vile thing they did to me.
You are going to be okay and you are going to have a beautiful life with your daughter. Stay strong <3
You are a super mom, if you are my mother, I would go to sleep every night knowing that you’ve made the best decision for the two of us.
I wish when I was dating my ex, I stood up for myself. I got too comfortable and I was too afraid to end what I had perceived as a “perfect” relationship. He ended up hurting me to where I felt worthless and unwanted. But time healed, it really did. I learned how to regain my old self, I re-learned how to love myself and see myself the way others see me.
You need time, and please surround yourself with people you can trust, and cherish the live you are raising while healing💛
I pray that you can move past him, because you deserve healing, you deserve love and you especially deserve a healthy love from a worthy lover. My dm is open for you, I’m sorry mama that you are going through this. I wish I can be your friend to fight with you, you’ve got a ton of us on your side.
Most importantly, you are doing what is right. You are setting THE example for your daughter to put yourself and eventually herself first.
Bless you💛
As everyone else has said, so sorry you’re going through this. I was once a sad pregnant lady being cheated on & I don’t wish it on anyone. Know that it doesn’t sound like it’ll last between your husband & his AP. She sounds like a child, & fortunately they will outgrow each other & what they’ve done. You get to have your revenge by finding yourself, loving your daughter, & being happy once again, eventually. The love for him will fade & he will become your daughter’s father rather than your sad ex husband. I hope you find love again, OP ❤️ I know you will once you have that baby girl to hold.
I have been you!
12 years ago when I was carrying my daughter.
Like you I took him back and was continually lied to!
And exactly like you I wanted my family unit that I had dreamt about, and just like you said I just wanted to hear the right things and try again because I loved him…Well…my ex did say the right things..then I had to pick up the pieces all over again and not just for myself this time, but while trying to take care of my 9month old! .
When our baby was born we were in the bubble,it was beautiful, he begged for me back and I was so happy… Then the sleepless nights crept in and after a few weeks he was lying to me again…but I just thought I was paranoid because of before… when the baby was 6months old he cheated again and I had hard facts to know he was lying! But I still clung on until she was 9months. Then I woke up one day and could not do it anymore! She gave me the strength to kick his ass out and move forward! Don’t get me wrong it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do..but 12 years on I have a different partner (10yrs this year),two more beautiful children,a house and 2 dogs. My ex now has a child with the same woman he cheated on me with but their relationship is terrible from what I gather she wears the trousers (probably through insecurity knowing what he’s capable of),he is miserable and can’t find a way out.
Karma really worked its magic.
You can do this! I can promise you that when this baby is born she will give you the strength to conquer anything! And he will be the least of your worries. Xxx
I was cheated on after 16 years (4 marriage). It’s really rough and having a baby plus the cheating makes it worse.
My best advice is read “leave a cheater, gain a life” by Tracy Schorn. It’s what saved me. Although my cheater never tried to string me along which I am grateful for.
Join support groups here, on Facebook or wherever. I know Facebook has a Chump Nation Facebook group for people who have been cheated on.
It does get better OP but it takes a long time to mend.
> But he didn’t see it that way at the time and thought I’d leave if he told me, and figured he might as well not stop, if I was just going to find out and leave him in the long run because he had already messed up.
That’s such a stupid excuse! It’s especially galling that he’s still playing house with her. I’m so sorry.
You’re a POWERFUL pregnant lady who is owning not standing for being a side quest to some WEAK PATHETIC man.
Your ex-husband is just a sad loser who will be blessed to help raise your daughter while living his crappy life. Keep thriving.
To be honest, I’m petty enough that I would probably report to his supervisor that he’s fucking one of his subordinates (assuming she is, based on her age).
In any case, I wouldn’t believe a word out of his mouth unless you can verify it independently. I’m gonna guess her begging and crying is probably a lie, among all the other details, to make him look less bad.
Get a legal custody order as soon as the kid is born, don’t mess around with trying to be nice and not having something legally binding. You also are not obligated to have this guy with you at the birth, if you don’t want him there.
I read every word and my heart breaks for you.
You are so immensely strong and you are doing the absolutely right thing for you and your daughter. You’re already setting a great example to your daughter about self love, strength in difficult times and the power to take charge of your own life. I have great respect for you.
Of course there are moments of weakness, we all have them. That’s ok. It’s ok to feel sad and lonely. Reach out to people who you trust because you may feel lonely but you don’t have to be isolated. You’ve got this mama! Sending you loads of wishes of strength and happiness! 🩷
He waited until he thought you were trapped. You aren’t trapped though, you are strong and you are capable. You can do anything you want.
A man cheating on his pregnant wife is the most vile creature imaginable. You’re sacrificing your body and your health to create a family and a child for him, and all he can think about is getting his peepee wet. Absolutely pathetic excuse for a “man”. Nothing but selfishness and narcissism, no redeeming qualities at all.
Don’t believe that this man could ever be a good father either. He’s already shown you that he will abandon anyone who he claims to care about as soon as he isn’t getting his needs met and as soon as all the attention isn’t on him. He’ll abandon your child, or pit other women in his life against you “for the good of the child”. He’ll teach the child to be as selfish as him (if it’s a boy) or teach the child to accept poor treatment from men (if it’s a girl).
I want to send you the biggest hug. I have a similar-ish tale. I don’t know if my husband cheated during my pregnancy, but not long after our child was born he embarked on a relationship with a coworker and moved out of our house for “space” when our daughter was just a few months old. I didn’t know he was with someone else though, I thought he just wanted time and space. I found out later on that he’d been with this woman the whole time. She knew about me, I’d even met her, she didn’t seem to care either. That’s the point I filed for divorce. That was more than 20 years ago now and they’re still together, have 2 children of their own and are finally getting married in a couple of weeks, no idea why now. I have honestly never gotten over the hurt and betrayal they caused me and I have stayed single all this time and raised our daughter to be an incredible young woman who is my best friend. He was a shitty husband to me but he was a good dad to her at least, and our daughter never suffered, I made sure of it. So, you will be ok, you will get through this, and your daughter will be fine. Just don’t ever take him back, you will never be able to trust him again, no matter what he says.
Just take it day by day, OP. It may not feel like it now, but you will blossom from this. In six months time, you will be even stronger, wiser, more powerful. You will be indestructible. Sending big hugs.
OP I feel for you. I think you should talk to his family and let them know. Not in a petty way but call his Mom or sister or cousin( whomever you are closest with) and let them know what he has done. Why should he not have to deal with any fallout from his choices? Please know this will get easier and you will feel better at some point. If your desired result is that he comes back to you gets another job etc etc and vows to be faithful and love you forever then I think the way to go about that is to cut off all contact with him. Only absolutely necessary things. No one wants to be with a sad sad sack. Fake it until you make it. Show him you can be happy and live a great life without him. As soon as you have the baby get out there. Start dating. Be freaky. Do more sexually with your new man that you ever would with your old one. Knowing you don’t want him or need him will make him want you. I think after you get out there and open yourself up to someone new you will not want your cheater husband. You will set a great example for your child. You can’t let anyone treat you badly. Good luck. Please give updates.
I was with my ex from 19 to 30. The difference in our story is that we never had a child together. Instead he went and got his affair partner pregnant after gaslighting me for two years about whether or not there was an ongoing affair.
I only bring this up to say that while I can’t understand the depth of your grieving, I do think I can imagine it somewhat. But please know that this pain does get better.
You’ll think about it everyday, then you’ll think about it every other day, and everyday it will feel less and less immediate. It’s been five years for me and I don’t even remember the sound of his voice.
This young women is getting a rush out of tearing your family apart. Live well and raise your daughter, take all the alimony you can out of him and act as if he doesn’t exist unless it’s for your child. Get back on your feet and get your financials stablized.
Once she sees you’re not suffering anymore she’ll most likely get disinterested because she hates children anyway.
He definitely should only have visitation because him having a woman who willingly laughs in a pregnant woman’s face for something so cruel and someone who gates children is bad news. I wouldn’t trust the baby around her.
He’s a piece of shit and you’re better off without him.
Wow, you’re incredibly resilient. I’m rooting for you and your baby for a successful delivery. YOU CAN WEATHER THIS STORM
Oh lovely, you deserve so much better. You’re a pure heart, and he Will absolutely regret what he did. Do not ever take him back. He let her have that power over you, he knowingly hurt you during one of the most vulnerable moments a woman can go through, and your baby CAN FEEL THIS PAIN. You both deserve so much better than a half assed man. You are strong, incredible, pure hearted and probably gorgeous, I have no doubt. You will heal one day, you will move on with or without a man and you will prosper. You will achieve more with your daughter than you would with him. Do not let him negatively impact you any longer, this is YOUR story, and you are taking it back.
If you ever need to vent, I will listen. I hope you and your baby girl thrive 💜
Even though you don’t have it now, your real life, the one you were supposed to have, is waiting for you.
Somewhere out there, a brand new world is waiting for you to show up. And it’s beautiful and perfect. He’s not your world. Let his memory go.
He was only supposed to give you a daughter. Nothing more. Now he’s regulated to an unhappy life filled with smug partners who are willing to rip a family apart. That’s who he’s with. A person who is happy to monkey branch from man to man.
You however have a heart, and a future. You only need to find it. It’s not him .
I’ve never gone through anything like what you’re going through. But I want to join the chorus of people who have read every word of this.
What you’re going through isn’t fair. You were betrayed by a safe person that you loved. The worst part of traumatic grief, for me, is the jarring sense of unreality and wrongness. Things are not just different, they’re not how things should be. You are going to feel every feeling while you adjust to this new reality.
Sending love to you and your daughter.
You’re going to be a wonderful mother. You’re about to experience a love that is leaps and bounds greater than the love you experienced with your husband, the greatest love the world has to offer.
It doesn’t make anything better. Grieve. Process it and feel the waves of despair when they come. Try to remember that “what’s coming is going” when crying it out, things come to the surface so that we can release them from our hearts and souls.
Your husband will regret doing this to you. He may never admit it, but he will.
Lastly- the love of your life is probably out there looking for you right this moment. You’re young and you were a wonderful wife, you will make a better man very very happy one day if you decide that’s what you want to do.
My heart is with you, I’m rooting for you, and I wish you all the good luck in the world. Congratulations, you’re going to be a kickass mama!
Im going to say this in hope that you look onward to a better future, not to make it about me.
Im the child of divorce with my parents having a similar story to yours. My mother is one of the strongest people I know, she pushed on so hard to give me a life of pure joy and i love her so much. Everyday she regrets having loved my father but never regrets having me.
Yes, your baby might be born into a sad situation. But know that they will look up at you in a positive limelight, because you love them with your all of your heart. A mothers love and perseverance to care for them will be the one thing a child will hold dearly. Im truly sorry that you have gone through such horrible pain. But know that a new light of love and happiness is there for you. You are a strong mom.